


Blood Sweat & Tears: A BTS Story

by SophnLiv



Category: bts, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Assistant AU, Bad Boy Kim Taehyung | V, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, Gay Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Gay Kim Namjoon | RM, Gay Park Jimin (BTS), I'm Bangtan Boys | BTS Trash, Idol Jeon Jungkook, Idol Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Idol Kim Namjoon | RM, Idol Kim Seokjin | Jin, Idol Kim Taehyung | V, Idol Min Yoongi | Suga, Idol Park Jimin (BTS), Jungkook X original character, Lemon, Love Triangles, M/M, Mentioned Bangtan Boys | BTS Ensemble, Mentioned Bangtan Boys | BTS Member(s), Romance, Slow Burn, Smut, bts assistant au, bts fanfic, bts fanfiction, bts fic, jin x original character, kim seokjin x original character, minjoon - Freeform, ot7 kind of??, yoongi x original character - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:07:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 74,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24528103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophnLiv/pseuds/SophnLiv
Summary: Rose Sinclair thought she was just getting an assistant job at BIG HIT Entertainment and would be getting coffee and managing a schedule for some unassuming producer or CEO. What she didn't expect is to be a part of the team that assists BTS, the Korean boyband that has taken the world by storm. She expected the tasks to be challenging but she didn't know how hard it would be not to break the most important rule: No falling for the talent.BTS Assistant AUThis story can also be found on Wattpad: @slytherinbloodwhore
Relationships: Kim Seokjin | Jin/Original Female Character(s), Min Yoongi | Suga & Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 37
Kudos: 82





	1. The Interview

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first ever multi-chapter fic so please bear with me. This is mostly unedited I just run the chapters through Grammarly to fix easy stuff. I hope you enjoy it!

I really need this job, I really need this job, I really need this job.

I try to remind myself of this as I ride in the taxi to Big Hit Entertainment. The information I received said that the company was in need of a new assistant and after completely fucking up at my last job I'm willing to be some big-shot producer's coffee girl if it will pay the bills.

Before I was fired, I used to get up every morning excited to go to work, eager for the day ahead knowing that I was going to a job that I loved. Unfortunately, I wasn't that great at my job. Before, I worked at a preschool teaching English to the most adorable group of children, and while I loved it, my employer was less than impressed.

"Ms. Sinclair, your performance with the children is outstanding, you truly have a way with them. Unfortunately, your English teaching skills are lacking. Your class of preschoolers is falling behind their classmates, and we cannot allow their education to take this plummet. Success Academy is one of the most prestigious preschools in the country and we cannot continue to employ you as an English focused educator and we do not have any general education positions available."

The words hit me like a bus, the principal must have noticed because her eyes softened for a moment before hardening back to the ice they were before.

"While we cannot continue to employ you at this school, I do not want you to fret about your working visa. I have a couple of friends who are hiring and I want to recommend to you."

This softened the blow, but only fractionally.

The first job was for a court stenographer which I wasn't fit for because my Korean is passable at best, but certainly not good enough to make records of important information. A manager at a high-class restaurant was the second job, and while managing isn't an issue for me, cooking is, and I couldn't pass the cooking test. Takeout has been my only source of survival for many years, and learning how to cook has felt like a lot of effort just for survival when there were other avenues to pursue.

The last is here, at Big Hit Entertainment. An opening to an assistant, title unknown. I just hope that I don't somehow screw it up because I'm out of options. If I'm unable to land this job then I won't be able to pay rent, which will force me to go home, which will force me to... I don't want to think about that.

When the taxi pulls up to the building, I show the security guard my invitation for an interview and they wave us on through the gate. All the security and gates remind me of the Universal lot back home in LA, always teeming with gatekeepers to and security checks to try and filter through those who work there and those who are just trying to see their favorite stars, their favorite idols.

The building seems endless, the stories stacked taller than anything I can comprehend. When I enter the lobby and hear the sound of dress shoes and heels making that click-clack across the floor, I thank whatever possessed me to put on a pair of pumps before I ran to catch my taxi. My skinny jeans and oversized blazer don't look out of place, but I do notice that a lot of the women are in tight pencil skirts and I hope that isn't something that will affect my chances of getting this job.

I show an impeccably dressed woman at the front desk my interview invitation and she hands me a visitors pass, "Head on up to the 31st floor and make sure you show the receptionist there your badge as well," she gives me a kind smile, "and good luck."

Pressing 31 on the elevator door feels so strange, I don't think I've ever been to a floor this high in a building. But the company must need lots of space for all of its specialties. Maybe one floor is a dance studio, another a recording studio, and other various floors belong to different subdivisions of the company. With barely more than a time and place for information regarding this interview, I didn't have a name or position that I could use to study up for this interview. I have no information that I could use to help with context clues and because of this, I was only able to study the company in general and hope that asking questions in this interview will make me seem curious and not daft.

Many people leave the elevator as we ascend until it's only me and a man in a black hoodie and a face mask to match. His head is down and he's tapping away on his phone. When the elevator dings, I move to get off but the man side steps in front of me. The sudden motion makes me almost topple over in my heels, but he reaches back and grabs my wrist, steadying me.

"Sorry," he says like he genuinely didn't believe I would get off on the same floor as him, or for almost knocking me over. I'm not sure, but I nod a smile back to reassure him I'm alright.

When we're both out of the elevator, he's gone in one of the many directions spread out before I can see where he goes.

I guess he doesn't need to check-in.

At the receptionist's desk, I show my visitors badge and my interview invitation, for what feels like the millionth time.

Get used to it, I tell myself. If I work for this company security is one of its top priorities and a necessity.

"Ms. Sinclair, right this way please," another impeccably dressed beautiful woman says as she motions me towards a conference room.

The walls are made of glass so I can see that there is only one man inside. He sits at the head of a long table shuffling through a stack of papers and typing on his phone.

The receptionist opens the door for me, and the man's head snaps up, a calculating smile spreading across his face. He looks to be about mid-forties and with the stature of someone used to money and the simplicities it brings.

He stands and proffers his hand, "Ms. Sinclair, a pleasure to meet you. I'm Geoffrey Woo, thank you for agreeing to this interview so quickly. I am under a time constraint I'm afraid, and the nature of this job requires discretion."

"I understand Mr. Woo," I shake his hand, "and please, call me Rose."

He nods his head, "Why don't you take a seat and we can get started," he motions to the door, "that will be all Emilee, thank you."

She gives a small bow and heads out, giving me a thumbs up from behind her notebook that only I can see. I feel a little jolt of confidence runs through me. I won't fuck this up.

"Rose, why don't you tell me about your work experience."

I pull out a copy of my resume and hand it to him, "I recently worked at the Success Academy as an English teacher, I'm here on a work visa—"

"Ah, yes," Mr. Woo says, stroking his chin, "Principal Song did mention that. Working here will not affect your work visa, I can assure you."

I nod, "Good to know." I clear my throat. "Before I worked at a daycare back in the States and have worked various receptionist jobs throughout college. I've always wanted to travel, and when the opportunity arose to teach English in South Korea I just couldn't pass it up."

He finishes looking at my resume and sets it down, "Wonderful. Now, I would like to ask you some questions and all I ask is that you do your best to answer them honestly."

"Of course," I reply, nodding my head.

"As I stated before, working for this company requires a certain level of discretion as we have many high profile clients and executives. Would you be able to uphold this expectation?" he looks me directly in the eye, "This would include but is not limited to, telling your family and friends which client you work for, and what their position in the company is."

I can't even tell my family? The job must be for someone really high up or famous...

"I understand that working for this company involves a level of secrecy intended to keep those who work here safe, which I think is necessary. I would never want my job or my actions to negatively affect someone's safety."

The only response I receive is a slight raising of his brow before he asks the next question.

"Are you prepared to travel with your employer wherever their work takes them so you may continue to assist them?"

I nod, "As I stated before, I love to travel, and having a job where I can travel seems like a dream come true."

"Would you be able to take care of multiple clients at once? For example, if your employer had a business meeting with a client visiting from overseas, would you be able to assist your client and their guest at the same time?"

"That would not be a problem. Working at a daycare helped me learn how to juggle taking care of multiple people at once, in this case, it was toddlers and their parents but nevertheless taught me how to manage multiple people at the same time."

Mr. Woo makes a couple of notes in a folder and then asks me my final question.

"Are you a fan of any of our clients?"

I smile, this is the one question I was prepared to answer.

"I know that the company represents lots of artists, solo and group, and also producers and writers. While I do consider myself a fan of the hard work and discipline that it takes to make it as a kpop star, I am still relatively new to the genre. I know the company works hard to acquire talent and curate that talent and I really admire that. It's one of the reasons I would love to work for this company."

He closes his folder, and I can't tell if that action means something good or bad. I hope saying I'm not knowledgeable of the artists doesn't make me seem like I won't be able to still be a good assistant or that I won't be able to adapt.

I got my degree in digital media, maybe I should have played that up...

"Based on your resume and your answers to my interview questions I would like to formally offer you an assistant role at this company," he hands me a formal job offer and contract, "there will be a trial period where you will where we will put you with one client and see if it's a good fit, if not we will assign you another one."

I accept the papers and offer a small head bow, "Thank you so much, Mr. Woo, I won't let you down."

He stands up to shake my hand, "Please call me Geoffrey. Take as much time as you need to go over your contract and sign it as well as a non-disclosure agreement. Emilee will assist you if you need any help, and then she will show you to your superior."

He opens the door and knocks twice on the door frame, and soon Emilee comes into view with a grin on her face.

As he leaves and as Emilee enters he says, "I'll leave you to it. Just make sure to go down to the main floor later and exchange your visitor's badge with an employee one." And with that, he's gone.

Emilee's smile lights up the room, and she hands me a non-disclosure agreement. Her dark brown hair tied up with a small bow highlights her angular face and sharp cheekbones, her smile the only soft-looking part about her.

"I'm so excited that you got hired! We need more women in their twenties, there is so much testosterone in this company it's nice to have someone around my age."

I take the document and start skimming over it.

"I'm just glad to be hired that I get to work this amazing job, from what I've read it seems like this company is quickly becoming one of the most popular talent agencies." I leave out the part that I am also extremely excited to work here so I don't have to go back to the States.

I finish reading the documents and sign accordingly and had them to Emilee.

"Wow, that was quick! There really is no need to rush if you need more time."

"Don't worry, I read all I need to know and am ready to start as soon as possible." I leave out the part that taking this job is my survival and I'm eager to begin and pass the trial period. "I'm mainly excited to see who I'll be working for, there are so many people who work for this company the possibilities seem endless."

Emilee tilts her head to the side, "Geoffrey didn't already tell you who you'll be working for?"

I shake my head, "No, not yet. Just that there will be a trial period to see if I'm a good fit and if not then I'll be reassigned."

"Perfect," she stands up and motions for me to follow her, "it can be a surprise then."

She leads me down a different hallway and we pass by many rows of computers with various people typing away. I can't tell whether they are creating content or managing it.

"This floor and the others above will be the main ones that you work on, all other floors belong to different aspects of the company. The lobby has the café and cafeteria, and payroll is located on level three. You can drop off your direct deposit forms tomorrow. This floor is mainly for media monitoring."

We reach another hallway that has a passcode, and when she punches in the code a small beep sounds and we go through.

"The passcode is 7-7-1-#, and make sure not to give it to anyone else. Everyone who needs access to this hallway already knows the code so there is no need to give it to anyone."

We pass by another conference room with tinted windows, I can't tell who is inside but it looks to be a meeting of some sort. Other rooms have two or more people in them. This can only be what I assume are idols and their managers going over media issues. I wonder if I'll be assigned a manager or an artist. But I don't have to speculate long before we approach an open door with eight people in the room.

I'm still a couple of paces behind her when she says, "I don't want to interrupt," she says to the room, "but I'd like to introduce your new assistant. This is Rose Sinclair and she will be taking care of you."

I finally catch up to her, my face turning to see who is in the room.

"Rose," Emilee says, "I'd like to meet the members of BTS and their manager, Mr. Lee."

It takes everything in me for my jaw not to hit the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are much appreciated :)


	2. The Boys

I'm not working for some producer or some CEO, I'm an assistant to BTS. While I said I was new to the kpop universe, I meant that I wasn't up to date on all the history and what's popular right now, but you'd have to live under a rock to not know about them. Their faces are plastered on practically every street corner of the city, the music played on all stations of the radio. BTS is taking the world by storm, and I've been hired to assist them.

They all stand from their seats in what looks like an attempt to greet me but I'm a little too shell shocked to move just yet.

"Welcome, Rose." Mr. Lee says, "We were just having a meeting about this week's schedule and appearances."

He moves out from his chair and comes over to shake my hand. I take it and try to have a firm handshake but I feel like an undercooked noodle at best.

"These are the boys," he gestures to all seven members, "boys, this is Rose. She will be your new assistant."

From their standing position, they all give me a slight bow. I and I do my best to return it respectfully.

RM is the first to speak up. "Rose, thank you so much for joining our team, we will do our best to be good to you and hope you can in return be good to us." I nod my head in small little bounces.

"Y—yes of course. Thank you for having me, I will do my best to take care of all of you."

This seems to ease something in RM. "I'm Namjoon, and this in Yoongi, Tae, Jin, Hoseok, Jimin, and Jungkook." He goes around the table and introduces the members to me and when he motions to Jungkook I realize he was who I bumped into in the elevator earlier. I make a mental note to use these names and not their stage names, they must prefer them if that's how he introduced them.

Before I can reply, Mr. Lee takes control of the conversation.

"We're still in the middle of an important meeting, why don't you start with going to get all of us coffee. I'll make sure to give you a copy of the schedule later." And he ushers me out the door, closing it behind him with a loud thud.

Emilee loops her arm through mine, "Are you surprised?" she asks, her voice rising with her teasing.

I try to laugh but it comes out like a wheeze, "Yes, yes, I am very surprised. A little warning would have been nice."

"Where is the fun in that?"

As we head back through the coded door, I realize they never gave me their coffee orders.

I think Emilee can see the growing panic on my face because she is quick to cut in, "Don't worry, the café downstairs knows their orders, just go in and ask for BTS's usual. And Mr. Lee's too of course."

"How should I pay for them?"

"The café is free for all employees, don't worry. Get yourself something too while you're at it. BTS is one of the biggest groups at the company, you're going to need all the caffeine you can get."

She ushers me into the elevator and clicks the lobby button for me, but steps out before the doors close.

"Don't forget to get your new employee badge while you're down there," Emilee calls before the elevator doors shut.

I realize I've been clutching my notebook so tightly my knuckles have turned white.

Being assigned to one of the biggest kpop bands in the company was not who I thought I would be working for when I agreed to this interview. I still feel a little in shock...

As I'm descending, the elevator stops, and more people get on. A few people here and there and then on the 5th floor, two of the members of Twice get into the elevator and I feel like I'm falling through the floor.

Before today I was just an American girl teaching English to preschoolers in South Korea, and today I'm thrust into the lives of some of the most famous members of pop culture.

I need to keep my cool if I act like a fangirl I won't pass the trial period. I vow to myself to be the best assistant BTS has ever had, being the most helpful, the most professional, and above all the most loyal person I can be. Not telling my family or friends feels like the hardest thing I agreed to now that I know who my client is. But, I signed the NDA. I am under contract and if I violate it I would be out of a job, not to mention serious legal trouble.

Once the elevator stops on the first floor and people rush out, I realize that there are paparazzi outside the front doors. How is that allowed? The members of Twice smile and wave for the cameras as they exit and get into a black SUV. I thought everyone had to show ID to enter, so how did paps get in here? I make a mental note to ask Emilee about it later.

When I get in line at the café for coffee, I notice that a lot of people ahead of me are also assistants. Young looking professionals with binders and folders all gripped in their arms in a death vice. The person in front of me in on the phone speaking in Korean at a speed that is too fast for me to understand. I'm going to need to up my nightly studies now that I work in the entertainment industry, my basic knowledge isn't going to cut it.

"Next!" the barista calls out in a booming voice and I realize I've been zoning out.

"Hi, I need to place an order for Mr. Lee and all the members of BTS for their coffee," I tell the barista.

She nods back, grabbing multiple cups of all various sizes and types and scribbles on them in quick succession. She must have them all memorized.

"Please scan your ID," she says, gesturing to the small scanner.

"Um, I just got hired so I only have my visitors badge right now..."

She looks up at me a little irritated but is quick to put a smile back on her face. "No problem, we will make them, and in the meantime why don't you go get your ID and then you can come back and scan it."

"Thank you," I say, grateful for her understanding and scoot out of the way so she can take the next order.

I head over to the main desk and ask where I can get my new employee badge and I'm pointed to a hallway on the far side of the floor. There isn't anyone else in line when I get there, so exchanging my badge doesn't take all that long.

"One, two, three..." the photographer calls out, and I lift my lips in a smile just in time for the camera click.

I hand him my guest badge and he hands me my new employee badge and it hits me that this is real. I work at Big Hit Entertainment and I'm an assistant for BTS.

Heading back to the café, I look at my ID picture. My face is a little shiny from sweat, but my eyes are bright with curiosity and happiness, so as far as badge photos go it could be worse.

When I reach the counter in the café, I realize I forgot to order myself something, but don't want to trouble the barista again after she was so understanding before.

I give a small little wave when I get to the front and she gives me a smile in return. I scan my badge and she hands me two drink carriers, a total of nine drinks.

"Wait," I say, before she heads back to the register, "I only ordered 8 drinks."

"I know, but you're the new assistant to BTS, right?"

I nod.

"Well their last assistant was a total douche bag, so I'm glad I don't have to see him anymore. Welcome to Big Hit." and with that, she heads back to work.

Their last assistant was a douche bag? I wonder what happened...

When I get back up to the 31st floor, I step out and move in the direction toward the conference room but Emilee stops me before I can get very far.

"They went up to their floor."

"Which one is theirs?"

"The top floor."

Before I get back in the elevator she tucks a file folder between my arm that is currently holding my notebook since my hands are full.

"These are the notes the old assistants have left in the past, reading over them and they should answer some questions."

"Thank you," I say, as I push the button for the top floor with my elbow.

The elevator doors open to a bright white space with a giant couch in the center. The rest of the floor splits off into different directions, which I can only assume lead to private spaces or studios for the biggest artists at Big Hit.

All seven members are sprawled out on various spaces; Yoongi looks to be taking a nap, Namjoon is relaxed against the couch looking through his phone, Tae and Jimin are playing videogames hooked up to a giant flat-screen while Jungkook watches, Hoseok is running through a dance number while listening to headphones, and Jin has his nose stuck in a book. All seem to be completely at ease, except for Mr. Lee who is pacing around the floor having a quiet but intense seeming phone call.

I approach the coffee table with their drinks when it finally dawns on me that I don't know which drink belongs to who. It takes a little maneuvering to set down the drink carriers without either dropping the binders or the coffee, but I manage. I'm sure how to go about this, I don't want them to know that I don't know who drinks what, but asking is the only way I can find out.

Suddenly Jin stands up and starts passing out the coffees. He sets a blended coffee near Hoseok, two iced coffees and a latte near those playing video games, places a hot americano next to a still sleeping Yoongi, hands a hot tea to Namjoon, and takes another iced coffee for himself. The only two drinks left are a large hot americano and another iced coffee.

He picks up the americano and hands it to me, "This is what Richard prefers," motioning with his head towards his pacing manager.

"Thank you, I'll remember that for next time," I reply, smiling at him graciously. I'll just have to figure who drinks what out of the three playing video games. 

This is such a surreal experience. Having my bias help me in real life makes my heart kick into overdrive, but I shake it off. Professional, professional, professional, I chant to myself. 

I approach Mr. Lee with caution, whatever conversation he is having he doesn't seem happy and I don't want to interrupt. We make eye contact and he motions to me with his free hand for me to bring it to him.

After passing out the last coffee, I go back for mine and find Jin waiting for me.

"This is your new work cell phone, it already has every number you'll need thus far. All of ours, and Richards," he hands me a brand new iPhone, "this is your new work iPad that has all the documents you'll need for the future and one's you'll want to read from the past," he hands that to me too.

I have to set down my coffee, afraid I'll spill it over the new electronics.

"Richard is on the phone with the media trying to dispel more rumors about our supposed relationships. Once he's off the phone he will explain more," and he sits back down and opens his book, sipping his coffee out of his paper straw.

Namjoon rubs his eyes and stands, "sorry, that is usually supposed to be my job but I was talking with my siblings," he moves to shake my hand.

"I'm the leader of this group and am usually responsible for everyone, Jin may be the oldest, but I'm the one who is in charge. Your main tasks are keeping us organized and scheduling things. All we ask is that you do better than our last assistant."

"Yeah, the barista downstairs mentioned something about him—"

"—if you run that story I will cut all ties with your company, and this time I am not kidding around," Mr. Lee threatens and ends the call.

Everyone in the room sort of stills for a second, expect Yoongi who is still asleep with a pillow over his face.

Mr. Lee turns his eyes on Namjoon and he looks like a storm is brewing behind his eyes.

"Namjoon, you and Jimin need to be more careful. This is the third rumor this year that we've had to cover up and if it gets out to the press ARMY's are going to have a field day."

"Aw, we'll do better Richie, don't worry," Jimin says with a slight laugh in his voice.

Namjoon moves over and sets his hand on the other boy's head, "he meant to say that it won't happen again, that we will be extremely careful from now on."

And that's when I realize that Namjoon and Jimin are dating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are much appreciated :)


	3. The Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Which member do you want Rose with? Comment to let me know!

This is when I realize why I had to sign a nondisclosure agreement. 

Being their assistant is going to make me privy to private information, and I have to keep it to myself. No matter how much I want to post it on Tumblr or weverse and freak out with fellow ARMY, I have to keep it to myself. 

Namjoon sort of looks at me after he puts his arm around Jimin, kind of giving me the stink eye that means: don’t fuck with me or my boyfriend or I’ll kill you.  
I try to convey with my eyes that everything is totally chill, I’m super down with all types of love. His eyes ease his narrowing only by a fraction. 

Mr. Lee comes over and hands me a small stack of papers. 

“This is their schedule for the day. You will be accompanying them on all excursions and will report to the house tomorrow at 9 am.” 

Tomorrow is Saturday. 

“Okay...”

“The address is programmed into your phone already. Please do not use that phone or iPad for anything other than business and vice versa. The last thing we need is another hack.” 

And with that, we’re off. 

We head down to the basement garage which I didn’t even know existed, and all pile into a giant black van. A driver and Mr. Lee in the front, and me and the boys in the back. I’m squished in a middle seat next to Jin and Jungkook in the middle aisle. The boys are either talking amongst themselves or listening to music/humming. I’m furiously reading through the schedule trying to figure out what I’m going to need to prepare myself for.

I find this to be one of the weirdest jobs I’ve ever had the pleasure of attempting. Usually, there is someone to train you, show you the ropes. But here at Big Hit Entertainment, they seem to think it’s a fine idea to practically throw you to the wolves and hope you come out alive. 

The high pitched sound of adoring fans screaming as our car leaves the gates is new for me. One mass of people screaming and crying is a beautiful but terrifying sight.  
None of the boys seem fazed by it at all. 

Someone taps me on the shoulder.

“I’m Jungkook,” he holds out his hand, “I didn’t formally introduce myself. Welcome to the team, I hope you stay for a while.”  
I shake his hand, “Rose—” 

“When you bloom, like roses, when you flutter, like cherry blossoms,” he sings. 

My mouth sort of hangs open for a second. 

“A beautiful name for a beautiful girl.” 

“Jungkook, don’t scare her off we’ve only just got a new assistant. It’s only her first day.” Jin scolds, like the older brother he is. 

He turns to me, “We are headed to an interview for one of the local channels to promote our new album coming out soon,” he points to different spaces on the schedule with some Korean words I am unfamiliar with, “then we go to a meeting with a clothing brand, and then we have rehearsal.” 

I nod my head along with that he says, understanding the words that I was confused with before. 

“What are you rehearsing for?” I flip through the schedule thinking something will be coming up, but it doesn’t go past the weekend and there isn’t any sort of performance scheduled. 

“We have to rehearse in order to keep up our voices. It’s a muscle and you have to exercise it.” Jungkook cuts in. 

I nod, taking some notes to help me remember their habits and schedules for the future. 

“Don’t be nervous, you’ll do great,” Namjoon says from behind me in the car, patting my shoulder.

“Let’s just hope she lasts longer than the last one,” Tae says under his breath. Or at least that’s why I think he says, his voice is so low I’m not sure I heard him right. 

I pause but go on like I didn’t hear him.

“I should be saying that to all of you, you’re the ones who are about to go on television.” 

“We’re pros at this by now, it’s been so many years.” Jimin pipes up, next to Namjoon. 

When we get to the KTV television studio, there are again screaming fans waiting outside the gate we just went through. The boys smile and save, and give small bows of gratitude, but are ushered inside by the news staff quickly starting to mic them up and putting small bits of makeup on their faces. 

I follow Mr. Lee because I’m not sure what else to do to be helpful. He instructs me to order everyone something for lunch to be delivered to BHE at 4 pm. I panic for a small moment not knowing what to do but then remember my iPad. I find multiple spreadsheets labeled with different important things to remember, like the member's allergies, favorite colors, and finally a spreadsheet of all the places the members like to eat and what their usual order is. 

I sort of want to ask why we’re ordering lunch when there is a cafeteria in the building, but then think better of it not wanting to cause a stir over something so small.  
I’m making an online app order on my phone, just catching little bits of the interview.

“This is the question I know that all of ARMY wants to know, are you guys dating anyone?” The interviewer asks.

Namjoon speaks up, “We are focusing on our careers right now and prioritizing that.” 

That’s the answer they always give, always staying “single” so men and women all over the world can think they have a chance. It’s a smart marketing tactic. It’s why protecting Namjoon and Jimin’s relationship is so important. Backlash is possible and not all press is good press, especially for a kpop group that is at what could be said the height of their career. If one of them were to bring any relationship public, it would have to be for someone very important to them. 

I wonder if any of the other guys are in relationships that the world doesn’t know about. Only time will tell if I’m allowed to know about it. 

The iPad buzzes and I pull it out and check the notification, it’s an email from the clothing brand companies assistant asking for an estimated time of arrival for the meeting. I check my watch, noting that the interview is running a little long. I’m about to say something when I see Mr. Lee motion to Namjoon with his pointer finger, moving it around in a circular motion telling him to wrap it up. 

By the time we make it back to BHE and they boys are with the singing coaches running through scales and vocal warmups, I finally take my shoes off. The back of the shoe rubbing against my heel all day. Luckily, it hasn’t started to bleed it just created the beginning of a blister. I don’t have any Band-Aids so I stuff a tissue from my purse into the heel to create a barrier, which is the best I can do right now. 

The iPad dings with an email and it’s from Mr. Lee, he’s only  
two doors down in his office.

Email:  
Here is a list of appointments I need you to make for the upcoming days and a list of things I need you to order. Please take the iPad home and familiarize yourself with the documents on it. After you make these calls you can head home for the day, and we will see you tomorrow at the house. A car is going to pick you up.  
Best,  
Mr. Lee

Looking through the appointments I need to make I see that scheduling my own car pick up tomorrow is one of them. 

When I get home to my apartment, I finally change into PJ’s and crawl into my bed after what feels like the longest first day of my life. I pull out my personal phone and see that I have a handful of text messages and a missed FaceTime call from my mother. I ignore the one from my mother and reply to my texts from friends letting them know my interview went well and that I got the job. I send an email to the principal letting her know that I was hired and thanking her again for her help. 

This whole experience seems like one terrible nightmare turned into a fever dream all at once.

It’s almost ten at night and I just want to go to sleep since I have to wake up early to be ready for the car to pick me up tomorrow, but I know I have to look through the documents on this iPad. There is no way to look at all of them, there are so many! But I have to start and get through as many as I can until I pass out. 

I glance through the documents entitled: Important. Which ends up being their preferences, allergies, family trees, etc. which are a lot of documents since there are seven members. Then I find a folder labeled: NDA’s. Inside the folder is two categories, Informational and Sexual Relations. I skim through the informational ones and find it’s just copies of NDA’s that people have signed when they have been a part of concerts, or an important meeting. My NDA is the newest one added only hours ago by Mr. Lee. 

What I want to do is read all of the NDA’s regarding everything labeled Sexual Relations, but that just feels like an invasion of privacy. Those documents have to be a record of all the people the members have had sexual interactions with who had to sign forms to say they wouldn’t go public with this or face legal action.

I try reading through other folders like old tour schedules and procedures and looking at diagrams of old tour busses, but I keep coming back to the NDAs. Finally, I decide not to read each file, just look at the general number under each member to help me get a better understanding of who I need to keep NDA’s on hand for later on.

The obvious is that Jungkook has the most, scrolling through the files feels endless. Namjoon and Jimin have a handful, but none recently within the last two years which is when I guess their relationship started. Tae has a list almost as long as Jungkooks, and Hoseok has quite a list as well and I notice that a lot of them seem to be from men. I really don’t want to look at Yoongi’s because he is such a private person, and just the thought of looking at Jin’s just makes my heart start beating double time. I’m about to click on Jin’s, my heart is so eager but my eyes are slowly slipping closed...

The sound of my heels on the tile floor echo in the empty hallway, the keycard in my hand almost falling out of my grip from my sweaty hand. My phone buzzes in my other hand with a text message.

Unsaved Number: Are you almost here?

Me: Yes. 

My feet carry me further down the hallway to the last room on the floor, double doors at the entrance instead of one. I reach my hand out to knock, but then remember the key card and swipe it through the reader. 

The red light turning to green signals to me that I’m in the right room. I can feel my skin flushing; excitement, anticipation, I’m not sure.  
Opening the door, I see stark white tile floors and a crystal chandelier and red velvet carpet. The heat I was feeling outside the door has increased tenfold now, the room is filled with candles and I can hear the crackle of a fire somewhere deeper in the room. 

“There you are, we’ve been waiting for you.” The voice says from behind me, the lips so close I can feel the breath. 

We?

My body shivers from the surprise, and I turn. 

Jin reaches up and cradles my face in his hands the shock I feel wearing off when I see the look in his eyes. 

“What took you so long?” he asks, his thumb tracing my lower lip. 

“I—I don’t know...” 

“Never mind that now,” someone else says and I try to turn my head to look but Jin’s hands still hold my head firmly. 

I hear footsteps coming towards us...

As Jin brings his lips to mine I feel a tight grip pulling my hair at the base of my skull. 

I let out a small moan involuntarily. 

“That’s right. We knew you’d love this.”

Their lips are right at my ear, the hand tightening and pulling harder. Jin’s lips travel from my lips to my neck and I tilt my head back further. 

With my head upside down I make eye contact with the person behind me. 

Jungkook.

The vibration and sound of my alarm wake me up with a jolt. My body hot and sweaty from the dream I just had. 

What the fuck! This is not good...

In less than a couple hours I have to look the objects of my slumber fixation in the eye and pretend I didn’t just have a minor sex dream about them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are much appreciated :)


	4. The Rule

In the car on the way to the house, I cannot believe I have to face Jin and Jungkook so soon after having that dream. Usually, I don't remember my dreams that often, usually just hints and bits and pieces. But this dream I remember completely and in full. The way Jin's hand felt holding my face and the way it felt having Jungkook hold me by my hair...

I haven't been with anyone since I've been in Korea. My ex-boyfriend from college... I can't think about that now.

The problem at hand is currently how to control my breathing and the pink in my cheeks that keeps rising when I go over my dream again and again.

The skyline changes as the car heads to a new part of town and I find myself brought to yet another gated entrance. The boys and their management won't spare an ounce of privacy and I understand why AMRY's are dying for new information about the boys, and I guess videos and vlives isn't enough. But when you love someone—well I mean, when you're obsessed with someone—nothing ever feels like enough. The more content you get, it just makes you want more and more.

The car pulls up to a large white three-story house with grey trim and lots of windows. Windows, I notice, with no curtains closed. The boys must feel very comfortable with this location if they don't feel the need to constantly hide. That makes me feel really happy for them, they deserve a space that is all their own where they can feel free.

I thank the driver and head up to the door, my heart is beating so fast I worry that it can be overheard outside my body.

Don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about it! I chant to myself before knocking on the door.

I wait for what feels like thirty seconds with no response and then try knocking again.

This time I hear some shuffling around behind the door and sounds of complaining and then the door opens.

Hoseok opens the door, smiling his megawatt smile.

"Good morning, Rose!" he sing-songs to me, "the rest of the boys are getting ready, it won't be long now!"

I look at my watch and see that it is 8:57 am, pretty good timing on my part and the boys if things go according to plan.

When I walk in I find Tae and Jimin eating in the large kitchen, the black and white accents highlighted by their bright outfits. Jin is ready in a baby blue suit and is seated on the couch with his head tipped back, attempting to get a few more minutes of sleep before the busy day starts. Namjoon is pouring himself some coffee from a very fancy machine, and Jungkook and Yoongi are nowhere to be seen.

I sidle up need to RM, "Mind if I have some coffee before we leave?"

He startles a little at the sound of my voice, and I make a mental note to be quieter in the morning when dealing with him.

He hands over his cup of black coffee, "Here take this, I'll make another cup,"

"No—I can't take your drink—"

"The machine is complicated, it will be faster since I know how to use it."

He gives me a small smile and I nod in reply, very grateful for the caffeine. I'm pouring some oat milk into my drink when I feel arms circle around me.

"Morning, noona," a voice mumbles into my ear.

Jungkook.

It makes me jump but I do my best not to show it.

"Morning, kookie..." I mumble.

I feel his smile on my neck.

"You know my nickname." He says and unwraps me.

I take a big gulp of my coffee, "I would have to live under a rock to not know your nickname."

He grabs a protein shake out of the fridge, "It makes me happy, anyway."

A ping sounds from my phone, an incoming email with the schedule. It looks like a car will be picking all of us up and taking us to our first location at 9:30 am.

I check my watch, we still have a good amount of time.

"Has everyone eaten?" I ask.

A small assortment of grumbly agreement sounds follow, but I notice who has yet to respond. Jin and Yoongi. The later has yet to come downstairs for the day and the former is still snoozing on the sofa.

I head over to Jin, slightly apprehensive but trying my best not to look like it.

I give his shoulder a little shake. Instinctively he grabs my arm, a reflex I can only guess at the origin.

"Jin, have you had breakfast yet?"

"Mmm," is all he grunts back.

"I'll take that as a yes..."

We are all just silently sitting around the house, sipping our coffee, or finishing up our breakfast. I put a bandied on my heel and fix my sneakers, I feel better prepared for today than I did yesterday. Today is my first "official" day of the job and not just a follow-up interview test. I put on an oversized midi slip dress with a t-shirt underneath and some sneakers today in order to be prepared for the weather and the amount of walking we are bound to do. We have lots of meetings at multiple locations so it's not going to be sitting as a desk in a cubicle. The minutes tick by with the boys just enjoying a few moments of peace, but soon enough the time nears 9:30 and Yoongi still isn't downstairs. I look at my watch, thinking maybe I should go upstairs and get him or give him a five-minute warning, but then I realize that I've never been upstairs and I don't even know where he would be or which room is his. I should have asked for a tour when I got here...

Not even two minutes later Namjoon comes down a fully dressed and ready Yoongi.

"Wonderful, are you all ready to go?"

A double honk outside is signal that the car is here, so we head out.

Once we're driving to the location of our first stop of the day which is a wardrobe fitting at Gucci, and Namjoon's coffee has kicked in, he realizes he forgot something.

"Oh shit!" he exclaims, and I worry we're going to have to turn around and go back, thus being late to our first appointment of the day.

"I should have offered you a tour of the house when you go there." He says, his face the poster of contriteness.

I wave my hands back and forth, "no, no! don't worry about it! We will have plenty of time to do it another time."

"Why don't you stop by before you head home and I can help you get acquainted with everything."

"No, seriously, it's not that big of a deal—"

Yoongi interrupts my frantic reassurance, "—just says yes, he won't stop until you do."

I'm surprised that he was the one to speak up. If anyone, I thought Jungkook would be the one to jump to reassure me. I feel like this is progress, this job isn't as hard as I thought it was going to be.

Jin gives me a light pat on my head and then moves his hand and rests it on my thigh. I feel myself turning a bright shade of scarlet.

He leans down and whispers in my ear, "Rose with the rosy cheeks."

I gulp. Maybe this isn't going to be as easy as I thought.

~~~

The day sort of goes by in a blur, one second the boys are trying on outfit after outfit at Gucci for the upcoming music video and the next second we're at BHE and they are signing posters for an album incentive. Next, we head down to a park to do some impromptu shots of the boys just "hanging out" that they will release periodically on weverse over the next couple of weeks.

I was prepared for all the walking today so I wasn't too worried about my feet but what I should have prepared for was my thighs. I wore a small pair of bike shorts underneath my dress but they kept riding up and made my thighs chafe. I've always considered myself plush sized and having thicker thighs is a part of that. I try to discretely pull the shorts down without anyone noticing.

I'm standing behind the video screen while the boys film an episode of Run BTS. They are currently playing a game of capture the flag with heart-shaped balloons and laser tag guns. Jin is going through the blow-up obstacle course holding the other team's balloon, when suddenly it detaches from the string he is holding onto and floats up, up, and away. He jumps up and down trying to grab out and reach it before he lets out a grunt of frustration.

I cover my hand and try to hold back my giggle.

"They are quite funny aren't they?" Mr. Woo says, sidling up next to me.

"Yes," I agree, "they have such great personalities."

He gives me a tight-lipped smile. "I just wanted to go over some key points in the contract you signed about your employment."

"Yeah, of course." I nod.

"One of the most important clauses is that while you are an assistant you do your best to be there when the boys and the company needs you. This can include late nights and very early mornings, is that something you are going to have a problem with?"

"I understand that this job isn't going to have a normal 9 to 5 schedule."

"Good, good," he fixes his tie, "but this could mean one of the boys could call you to help them find an old NDA from a year ago that they need at 2 am, or we have a 4 am call time for a music video shoot and you are expected to be there."

While waking up at those hours sounds terrible, this job is the only thing keeping me in the country and I am so grateful for it.

"I want to help in any way that I can," is all I reply. Sweet and simple and to the point.

"This also means that while you may be spending many hours with the boys and are expected to be there when you need them. We also want to protect you. This has never been a problem in the past but please understand that we take care of our employees and this clause is simply for your safety."

Oh no... what is this about?

"Due to the fact that there is an obvious power dynamic at play, you are prohibited from having any sexual relations with any of the members in any capacity. This clause is to keep you safe as well as all the members of the band."

"Oh, I would never—"

He holds his hand up signaling me to stop.

"They boys are very handsome, they are some of the most eligible bachelors in Korea. Just as you said before, they are very funny and have great personalities. I just wanted you to be made aware of this rule as beside secrecy and discretion, this is our most sacred rule.

I think about Jin and his hand on my thigh, about Jungkook brushing his mouth against my neck, my dream...

"I completely understand, it won't be a problem," I say, just as the sound of the winning team yells out in triumph over their victory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are much appreciated :)


	5. The Test

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long to update! I've been super busy and distracted but I hope to update more!!

Our last stop of the day is for individual vocal lessons for Jin, Jimin, Jungkook, and Tae. Rap line doesn’t have to go today, so they are about to head back to the house. 

“Why don’t you come back with us and I’ll give you the house tour I forgot to give you this morning?” Namjoon asks, turning from the front of the car on the way to drop off the vocalists. 

Nodding, “Yeah, alright—-” 

“Actually I need Rose to go with the others to their appointments and make sure they get home safely.” Mr. Woo says from beside me. 

“Sure, of course,” I reply.

“I’m 27 years old I think I can figure out how to get home by myself Geoffrey,” Jin says.

Mr. Woo sighs deeply, “I know this, and it has nothing to do with you being an incapable person and everything with you being one of the most sought after idols in the world right now.” 

Jin gives an even deeper sigh if that’s possible. 

The mood in the car shifts, the light sound of the car radio the only thing making noise. 

When we pull up to BHE, I climb out with the four members and wave goodbye to the remaining three and Mr. Woo.  
“Don’t worry, I’ll get them home safely.”

When the car leaves and we walk in the building I turn to the boys, “I don’t have to worry about any of you going rouge do I?”

“Not me!” Jimin says, linking his arm through mine. 

Tae doesn’t even acknowledge that I’ve spoken, just jumps on Jin’s back as we head into the elevator. 

Jungkook links his arm through my available arm and leans in to whisper in my ear. “Don’t worry about us, we know the rules. It just gets old.” 

Jin presses the top floor of the elevator.

“Needing to have supervision and help all the time and not be able to feel like an autonomous person, not being able to just leave the house without telling anyone,” Jin is still holding Tae on his back, “it just feels suffocating after a while.”

Tae hops down as we reach the floor and the boys scatter to different rooms. I follow Jin, out of instinct or fascination I’m not sure, but also because I don’t know where else to go. I settle myself on a chair outside of the room Jin just went in and flip through the iPad. 

I get an email about meetings Mr. Woo wants me to schedule and about appointments he needs me to make. I notice one for scheduling his dog a grooming appointment, which seems odd as it has nothing to do with BHE or BTS but who am I to complain so early on. 

Jin pops his head out of the door, “do you want to sit in on my session?”

“Umm—” I stutter, the chance to hear Jin sing live and close up?? Keep cool. Keep cool. 

“—yes, thank you,” I reply and gather my things, stepping into the room. 

It’s a larger-looking room than I originally thought, a small upright piano sits in the center among other instruments in stands. A small microphone right by the piano and a small man sits and fiddles with the keys. 

He gives me a slight nod and gestures to a chair behind his and Jin pulls it out for me and I settle down and he steps back up to the mic. He puts on headphones to block out some sound and flips through the sheet music. 

The pianist starts playing the harmonies from Epiphany and I can feel my skin already start to pebble in goosebumps with anticipation. 

When he starts to sing the high notes... 

I can’t help the smile that slides across my face. He has the voice of an angel. 

I try to go back to answering emails and setting reminders on my phone for the upcoming week, but I can barely comprehend the words I type out because my head is full of Jin and his voice. 

By the time his session is over, I realize that I’ve zoned out and stopped writing an email in the middle of a sentence. 

The pianist steps out of the room and Jin gathers up his things, “Let’s round up the boys and head home.”

I nod, still a little fuzzy from zoning out. I don’t even want to acknowledge what I was thinking about...

Jin and I find Jimin and Jungkook on the top floor hanging out but not Tae he must not be done with his session yet. 

Jimin is almost all but passed out on the couch, “is it time to leave yet? I’m so tired,” he whines. 

“We can leave as soon as Tae is done with his session,” I tell him. 

Jim volunteers to go check on him and see how much longer it will be, and I sit back and relax on the couch with Jimin and Jungkook. My eyes are slowly closing when I realize that it’s my job to check on Tae, and Jin should be the one resting on the couch with the others. 

“I’ll be right back,” I say and quickly get up to head to Tae’s session room, hoping to catch up to Jin. 

When I get there, I find Jin pretty easily but it’s the look on his face that worries me.

“What’s wrong?” I ask as I approach him.

“Tae’s gone.” He says, his eyes wide and serious. 

“What do you mean he’s gone?”

He starts pacing, “his vocal coach said he was done ten minutes ago and he isn’t answering his phone.” 

Jin has his phone in his hand it’s incessantly ringing. He hangs up and calls again. This time it goes straight to voicemail.

I look up at Jin, “either he turned his phone off or he’s purposely ignoring you. 

I try calling him, and it goes straight to voicemail again. 

“He said he would stop doing this,” now Jin looks mads, running his fingers through his hair and messing up.

“Why don’t you get the others and head home and I’ll go looking for him. Do you have any idea where he went? Since he’s done this before—”

“I’ll come with you,” he doesn’t even let me finish, “Even if you find him it would be hard for you to get him home by yourself.” 

I don’t want him to get in trouble for also being out late, but with the way Tae has been acting towards me lately, I know he’s right that getting him to do anything I say will be next to impossible. 

“Let’s leave soon, I’ll call a car and have the driver take Jimin and Jungkook home.”

Jin walks away as I call. 

“Jungkook, I called a car and I'll text you when it’s outside and ready. It will take you and Jimin home and I want you to stay there with the others. Tae is missing, and Jin and I are going to find him. Do you have any idea of where he might be?” 

I hear a long sigh on the other side.

“I should have known he’d do this after Geoffrey told you to get us all home safely.”

Now I’m really starting to panic, “Is this some sort of test for me?” 

“No, he just wants to test the new boundaries. It’s not about you. ”

I pause, “does he do this a lot?”

The other line is quiet for a moment, “define a lot?”

Great, an international kpop sensation with an affinity for ditching out.

“Do you know where he might go?”

I hear the sound of him shaking his head, “I’m not sure, but Jimin says to try the underground club, Jupiter.”

“Okay thanks,” and I hang up just as Jin comes back. 

He’s changed his clothes, added a black hoodie, and changed his nice dress shoes for chunky black sneakers and added sunglasses and a facemask. 

I raise my eyebrows at him, “That’s your idea of a disguise? Looking like Jungkook on his day off?” 

He looks down at himself and shrugs, “this is the only extra clothes we have here right now.” 

He hands me a facemask and sunglasses as well. The sunglasses cost easily over three hundred dollars. 

“Jungkook didn’t know where he’d be but Jimin said he might be in some underground club? Called Jupiter?” 

Jin makes a face, “I really hope he’s not in there because it’s very exclusive and hard to get into.” 

“If he can get in, why can’t you?”

“It’s all based on passwords and word of mouth, it would be impossible to get the information needed to get in so quickly.”

“Any other ideas for where he might go?”

He nods.

“I’ll call another car.”  
\-----  
We check a couple of karaoke bars and his favorite local restaurant to no avail. So far no one has noticed that an international kpop star is aimlessly wandering around downtown. I’m glad we don’t have fans recognizing him as another issue to worry about but the sun is starting to set and now I'm really getting nervous about not being able to find Tae...

“Should we check Jupiter?” I ask Jin, my knee jiggling with my stress. 

He holds my knee down to stop it, “I have one more place to check before we go there.”

He tells the driver an address for a housing complex that I don’t recognize. 

“Where are we going?” I ask, and he takes his hat off, shaking out his hair and handing it to me. 

“Here, you’ll need this.”

I put the cap on my head, really confused. I have a mask, sunglasses, and now a hat to cover myself but this leaves him looking vulnerable. 

“Why would I need a disguise?”

“I’ll explain when we get there,” and then he’s quiet for the rest of the ride. 

When we pull up to an apartment complex I assumed it would be a smaller one in the middle of nowhere, but this one is gated in a nice area. He flashes his ID and we are immediately let through.

He pulls me out of the car and puts his arm around me, taking his mask and sunglasses off. 

“What are you doing—” 

“Trust me, Rose.” 

I have to trust that he knows what he's doing. He wouldn’t risk his own exposure or be seen with a random woman. I try to ignore how my heartbeat picks up when he pulls me close.

He nods to the security guard and he lets us in. 

“Where to?” he questions as he walks us to the elevator. 

“Floor 9, room 11, please.” 

The security guard drops us off on the 9th floor like a chaperone and Jin starts heading down the hall and I have to run to catch up to him.

“Will you tell me where we are now? Or why I have to wear a disguise?” but he doesn’t answer me, he’s already knocking on room 11.

He knocks three times rapidly, pauses, and then twice.

The door opens and the face of a beautiful woman pokes out from behind the door.

“Oh! It’s you Jin, I didn’t know you were coming over, is everything alright?” she sees me standing slightly behind him and her face scrunches in confusion, “who’s this?” 

Jin steps aside so I’m more visible, “Rose this is Li, Tae’s sister.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are much appreciated :)


	6. The Sister

I always knew Tae had a sister but I had heard she lived in the states in order to remain anonymous. With her standing in front of me it seems that was just a ruse.

“Li Li,” Jin calls her, “we need your help. Tae is missing and we can’t get ahold of him.”

She looks slightly dazed but invites us in. Her apartment is huge the living room in the center, kitchen to the left, and bedrooms to the right with an entirely open concept. She plops herself down on the emerald green velvet couch, her silk robe revealing her smooth, thin legs. Jin sits down next to her and I take the chair across from them.

“Why does he keep doing this? I thought his wild stage was over,” Li complains, setting her head in her hands. Jin rubs her back is soothing circles and she lets him.

“Can you try calling him for us?” Jin asks.

His use of the word “us” jogs her memory that I am here too.

“Oh! I’m sorry, I forgot you were here. Jin said your name was Rosie?”

“Just Rose,” I tell her, nodding.

She leans into Jin, “and you are...” she trails off waiting for me to fill in the blanks but Jin beats me to it.

“She’s our new assistant and I don’t want her to get in trouble for Tae going off on his own again.”

Li leans over and starts crying, wrapping her arms around Jin’s massive shoulders.

“How can he do such a thing! We were raised better than that.”

She continues to sniffle.

“I know, Li Li. That’s why we need you to call him and ask him to come over.”

She wipes her tears and nods, getting up to go search for her phone.

When she’s out of earshot, Jin comes over and sits on the armrest of my chair, “Sorry,” he says, “I know she can be a little much.”

I nod slowly, “But I still don’t understand why I had to wear a disguise.”

He takes the hat off for me, putting on his head instead. “The building has facial recognition and I would rather it think I’m taking a stranger here than someone that works with us.”

I try to brush out my hat hair, “I still don’t understand.”

Jin pulls the bill of the cap down to cover his eyes, “we have a joint apartment here that all seven of us can use at any time for anything...if you catch my meaning...”

The realization dawns on me. “Oh.”

“Since it’s against the contract to be intimate with anyone in the company, I’d rather the cameras not be able to recognize you. I don’t want to have to explain to Geoffrey why I brought you here.”

I nod my head but remember he can’t see me, “that makes sense.”

The sound of Li’s slippers shuffling across the tile floor jolts Jin away from me and back to his original spot on the couch. She sits down next to him and calls Tae, holding the phone up to her ear as it starts to ring. I’m about to ask her to put her phone on speaker but Jin holds his hand up to subtly motion for me to stop.

I can hear the phone ringing and ringing and I start to worry that he won’t pick up and we will be out of options, but then I hear the sound of music thumping.

“Tae Tae, what are you doing? Can you come over please?” she whines into the phone. I can’t hear his response over the thrum of the music, but Jin grimaces.

He then puts his hand on her knee and she puts hers over it. The gesture seeming wholesome but feels...intimate.

“No, no, I need you to come over now,” she starts to cry again and I try to contain my knee jerk reaction to roll my eyes. 

Jin turns his head to look at me, his eyes stern and then whispers in her ear.

“Please, Jihoon won't leave me alone. He tried to get into the apartment again,” her sniffles get softer and so does her voice, “I can’t be alone tonight.” I can't hear his response if there is one.

Li stands up, heading to the kitchen to find a pen and paper. I look to Jin, wanting to ask what’s going on, but he isn’t looking at me. She comes back and sits on the couch handing the paper to Jin.

“So, is he coming?” I ask impatiently.

A smug smile spreads across her face revealing a row of annoyingly perfect, straight, white teeth. I swear I can see them sparkle under the fluorescents in the apartment. She wipes away the manufactured tears and giggles, “where’s the fun in that?” With a quick tear, she triumphantly holds up a paper with jotted notes; flawless penmanship, of course. “Buckle up, kids, we’re headed to Jupiter!”

Jin sighs begrudgingly, a defeated sound pushed through his lips that seemed to say: I should have known. He stands up from the couch without putting up a fight. “I trust you got the password?”

She gasps in a very dramatic, clutch-your-pearls fashion. “You doubt me? I’m wounded, Jinny!”

Jupiter? Password? Jinny?

“That wasn’t part of the plan,” I state. It’s been a long night and I was hoping for this to finally be over so we can go home and get some sleep before everything starts all over again.

“Where’s the fun in that?” She laughs and starts to head towards her bedroom, “come along, we have to find you something else to wear. You’re not going to get in looking like that.”

I look down confused, “I’m wearing a dress,” I protest. Well sort of, I’m still wearing the slip dress with a t-shirt underneath and my sneakers that I wore to work today.

“This club is for VIP’s only, and you’re not going to get in looking like you just walked off the street.” And with that, she heads into her bedroom and out of sight.

I turned to Jin, frustration evident in every muscle of my face, “What that fuck was that?”

He almost flinches from my use of a swear and I want to punch myself for letting my anger get the better of me. He’s still my client.

“Li asked him to come over and he’s not, so now the plan is to go get him from the club.” He starts to head towards another door down the hallway, but then turns back, “you should heed her advice, this won’t be any easier if we get there and they won't let you in.” then he disappears into the room.

Dejected and a little bit rejected, I head towards Li’s room. Pushing open the I expect to see an explosion of pink and gold with fluff everywhere, but her room is done in subtle shades of white and gray. The walls light charcoal color and the bedspread a fluffy white duvet piled with various pillows, it looks more comfortable than anything else in her apartment. The chandelier hanging from the center of the room is the most opulent thing in sight.

“In here!” she calls from another door down the narrow hallway past her bathroom. When I push open the double doors I’m greeted with the most stunning walk-in closet I’ve ever seen with my own eyes. Li turns to look at me, “Amazing, right? I had it made to look exactly like Paris Hilton’s” she spins in a circle with her arms spread wide.

The furry white carpet and the even bigger chandelier are the plainest things in the closet. A whole wall is covered in a shoe rack along with wall to wall racks of clothes, in the center is a giant table that holds hundreds of thousands of dollars’ worth of jewelry and purses sit in cubbies above all the racks of clothing. I can see why her room is so plain, she must have spent all her money on this place and everything inside it.

Li heads to racks and starts rifling through them, “You’re taller than me and curvier than me, but I think I can find something that works. What size shoe do you wear?”

I’m still a little amazed by everything but I shakily answer, “Um, 8?” I don’t know why it comes out like a question.

“Perfect, I’m an 8.5 so it will just be a little big but that’s better than too small.” She’s still looking through her clothes when she stops and gasps.

I turn to her, scared I’ve done something wrong somehow and am going to have to pay the bill for the damage, but she’s holing up a black lace tube dress. “This usually goes down to my mid-calf but on you, I bet it will hit just right.”

I look at her 5-foot stature and feel ginormous at 5’6.

She grabs a pair of black stilettos with red soles and I start to kind of freak out. “Are you sure about this? I can just take my t-shirt off underneath and just wear the shift dress?”

She cringes at the thought, handing me the clothes she’s picked out, “just go change, I’ll be ready soon.”

Li is right that the dress is much shorter on me, the hem hits a couple of inches above my knee but it’s the top that I’m worried about. I wasn’t wearing a strapless bra so I just tucked in the straps but Li’s chest is a little smaller than mine so the top reveals a lot of cleavage, something I’m not 100 percent comfortable with but also unsure of what else to do. I put the heals on and feel even taller than I already felt and I hate it. I go to take them off but Li stops me.

“No! Don’t take them off they look so good.”

She pulls my hair into a tight high ponytail and swipes some red lipstick on my lips.

Li put a silver sparkly mini dress on with 5-inch silver heels, her hair a sleek black curtain, and her lips a dark bruising purple.

“Jinny! We’re ready!” She calls out, dragging me along my wrist.

Jin comes out of the other bedroom in new shoes and without the disguise on.

“I’ll tell the car to pull up.” And we head for the door.

As we're about to walk out, Jin puts his palm on the door stopping it from opening. “Rose, you need to put your disguise back on before we go out there.”

“But it will ruin her outfit!” Li protests.

“She can take it off once we’re in the car Li Li,” and he hands me the jacket he was wearing to cover up even more of me. With my disguise fully in place, we head down to the lobby.

The security guard nods at us as we leave, and Jin wraps his arm around me and I can feel Li glaring at me from behind. In the car, Li chats with Jin incessantly and ignores me completely. But I’m fine with that, I’m more interested in seeing where this Club Jupiter is. I take off my disguise and watching the buildings pass is a blur.

We’re headed to a nicer part of town not far from where we were in the first place but this area is less crowded. We pull up to a curb by a high-end restaurant named Merlot, dark lit with little to no light but some candles on the tables and soft piano music playing. Wine red curtains hang shut on some tables giving complete privacy and others laughing loudly, more bubbly than the champagne in their clinking glasses.

Li walks up to the hostess and with a whispered word and the subtle exchange of bills, we’re walking past the first checkpoint. Or so was explained on the car ride over. I'm teetering in my heels, not used to wearing shoes so tall, but Jin grabs my side to stabilize me. Li is ten paces ahead of us and he practically drags me along to keep up. Near the back of the restaurant, there’s a door hidden in an alcove with a sign that says “Staff Only” and the door has a keypad on it.

Li presses the code into the pad, the beep of the numbers sounds like sirens in the quiet of the room. I look around to see if anyone notices us, but they don’t. Too wrapped up in their own worlds just a few feet away.

Code accepted, we open the door and find a narrow set of stairs leading down to a small room. Li goes first and I start to head behind her but Jin stops me. Taking my hand, he leads me down the stairs. There is no railing to hold onto, and I’m grateful for his help. Li turns back and glares at me, her lips pursed. I close the door behind me and we are plunged into darkness, so I take out my phone flashlight to light the way.

When we reach the bottom of the stairs, we find a small room with no lights except the glow of a neon light fixture in the shape of a planet with a ring around it.

“That’s not even what Jupiter looks like, Saturn is the planet with rings,” I grumble under my breath.

“Sh!” Li hisses at me, searching for something.

“How do we get in?” I whisper to Jin but he’s not looking at me, his arm is still in mine and I quickly take it back.

Li starts touching the wall, sliding her palm side to side.

“What are you doing?” I ask at normal volume but Jin is quick to turn to me placing two fingers over my lips and leaning in close.

“She’s looking for the door,” he whispers directly into my ear and I flush from the heat of his breath. Thank goodness there’s not enough light in here to see.

“Ah hah!” Li says triumphantly, and the sound of a trap door opening draws my attention and I lean away from Jin.

The sound of heavy bass breaks through the quiet room and a man steps out from the door, “welcome to Club Jupiter.”

Club Jupiter is massive, the bar even larger than the restaurant above. Neon lights glow throughout the room and the ceiling resembles a night sky complete with twinkling stars and planets. People are dancing in the center of the room on the light-up dance floor, the bar against the far back wall. Booths and tables are peppered throughout the floor with some being above the dance floor with a roped-off section.

“Find him and stick together,” Jin says but Li is already heading towards the dance floor, the gems on her dress sending off glitters of light with every swish of her hips. He turns to me, lifting my chin with his hand. “Do not talk to anyone you don’t know and don’t accept any drink,” he removes his hand, his eyes boring into mine, “stay behind me.”

Jin turns and heads into the crowd and I do my best to keep up with him. We walk by rows and rows of tables all occupied by men and women in different states of intoxication or fornication. I try to keep my eyes on Jin’s back but I slide on something sticky and fall backward, my foot slipping out of my shoe.

“Oh!” I cry out as I fall but my yell isn’t finished before I’ve landed. On someone’s lap.

“Well, well, well, boys,” a voice I don’t recognize says, “looks like an angel has fallen just for us tonight.” I turn to see the man who caught me and his friends, all looking at me with greedy eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are much appreciated :)


	7. The Club

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters almost back to back! Feeling very proud of myself. I hope you guys like it and let me know who you ship Rose with, I might change my mind ;)

“Well, well, well, boys,” a voice I don’t recognize says, “looks like an angel has fallen just for us tonight.” I turn to see the man who caught me and his friends, all looking at me with greedy eyes.

I feel the stranger's hands grip my hips keeping me in place and it triggers my fight or flight response, but instead of either option, my body freezes.

“What brings you here tonight, sweetheart?” One of the other men at the table asks.

I can feel the man scoot me closer to him, to the center of his lap, “Um—I-I,” I stutter, “I’m looking for my friend.”

“We know lots of people here, maybe we know your friend,” the man holding me says. I can smell the alcohol on his breath and I flinch away from him. I weigh my options of actually asking for help in finding Tae and getting this over quickly, and not trusting these men with anything.

I opt for the latter and shrink away, “she left for the dance floor,” I mumble, using Li as a distraction, and move to get off of this stranger's lap but his hands on my hips lock me in place.

“Why don’t you stay a little while, sweetheart,” the man in front of me says. I look around for help but everyone seems to be minding their own business.

“Here, take a drink of this, it will loosen you up,” a glass shoved up to my lips—

“There you are, I’ve been looking all over for you,” Jin says, grabbing my arm and trying to pull me off and out of this grotesque situation. The man trying to shove the drink down my throat lowers it back to the table.

“We found her first,” the man holding onto me says, his grip on me tightening I’ll surely bruise, “you can have her when we’re done.”

If even Jin can’t get these creeps off of me, how am I going to get away...

Suddenly, Jin covers my ears and whispers into the ear of the man who holds me. I squirm, trying to hear what he’s saying but realize I’m making the situation worse as I’m sitting on a man’s lap. In one swift motion, I’m lifted out of this predator’s lap and into Jin’s waiting arms. He carries me bridal style away from the table and into a small alcove. When he sets me down I remember that I only have one shoe on.

“I thought I told you not to talk to anyone?” he rasps angrily.

“I—I didn’t! I fell! These stupid shoes are too high and too big and now I only have one—”

He grabs the back of my neck and pulls me into his chest for a tight moment. I’m stunned silent and still and if I’m not mistaken I hear him sniff my hair...

He pulls away, “Let’s just find Tae and get home.” It’s almost nearing 10 pm.

He turns to leave and I hobble trying to follow but he stops me, “I’ll be right back,” so I step back into the alcove. He comes back a few minutes later with my other shoe.

“Where’s Li?” I ask as we head back out and this time he holds my hand.

“She’s still dancing,” he pulls me in front of him, shielding me with his broad shoulders.

After making one full lap around the club I begin to feel dejected. “Where is he? I thought Li said he was here?”

“He is, we just have to look harder,” he says, rubbing his eyes. It’s been a long day for him, he must be tired.

I feel like such a burden pulling him into this, if I had just been able to take care of the boys like my job needs me to this wouldn’t have happened. The boys mentioned how Tae is a flight risk, I should have stayed with him during vocal lessons instead of following Jin...

“Wait,” I pause, and Jin bumps into me almost knocking me over.

“Why did you stop?” he asks, a hint of frustration leaking through.

“I know the one place we haven’t looked,” and I lift my head, remembering the VIP area above us.

Jin looks up too, his face brightening with the thought.

“Now we just have to figure out how to get up there,” I say, looking for a way to sneak up.

Jin laughs, the pitch so high it barely makes a sound at all. “If anything, I am a VIP.”

He marches up to the bouncer at the roped-off section, towing me along behind him. I can't hear what he tells him over the pulse of the music, but then he starts leading me up the winding staircase. This area is much smaller than it looks from bellow, only the lights from the rest of the club to see by and only a small grouping of chairs are up here. The area is pretty empty except for one table in the corner and when we approach it we find Tae sitting with a group of three women, alone.

One of the girls is cuddled up by his side kissing on his neck, another seems to be doing something to him under the table and the third girl is kissing his lips.

“Taehyung, it’s time to go,” Jin says, projecting his voice over the music.

Tae breaks away from the girl he’s kissing and focuses on us, his eyes dark and narrow. “I was wondering if Li was telling the truth about that shitty ex-boyfriend of hers, but I should have known it was just to find out where I was.” He looks utterly bored considering the circumstances. With the women latching onto him or being found I’m not sure.

“I can't believe you guys went to VIP without me!” Li says as she rushes over to Jin and me, “Oh!” is her only response when she looks at Tae.

“Li Li you little liar,” Tae sneers at her.

“I had to lie! You ran off on your own again without telling anyone, you idiot!”

The girls latching onto him pull away with the harsh words being exchanged, one crawling out from under the table.

Li grabs Tae by the ear pulling him up. “Ya!” he cries out in frustration and also probably pain. The girls scatter like flies, fleeing down the stairs.

“I’m sick of you doing this! You know you can't be out alone, people are crazy! What if you got kidnapped?!” Li all but shrieks in his ear.

Tae rolls his eyes, “I’m not going to be kidnapped noona.”

“Yeah because we had to come rescue you!” she flicks his forehead.

“Ya!” he complains and rubs his forehead.

“Come on, Tae, we’re taking you home,” Jin says, stepping up to grab his forearm.

“No, I think I want to stay here a little more. I wasn’t finished,” he flashes a cheeky boxy smile.

“Ew, gross,” Li mutters.

“We’ve found you, there’s no use fighting us now,” I speak up for the first time and he narrows his eyes at me.

“You never would have found me without Jin-hyung”

Jin tries to speak up, but I stop him, “Not true, Jimin knew almost immediately where you ran off too. You’re not as sneaky as you think you are. Now let’s go.”

I take off the heals and hand them to Li, “Here, thank you for letting me borrow them, and I’ll dry clean the dress before giving it back.”

She takes the shoes, “You can keep the dress, you probably stretched it out anyway,” and she heads for the stairs, “I’m going to stay a little bit longer, bye!”

I let her comment roll off me, and grab Tae by the ear, “We’re gonna have some ground rules so you don’t do this again.”

“You can't tell me what to do.” He pulls my hands off.

“No, I can't, but I get paid to take care of you and this is one way I’m going to do it.”

I turn to Jin, looking for backup, but he just smiles and laughs. “She’s a hard ass, Tae. You get what you give,”

I hook my arm through his and usher him out of the club, up the stairs, and into the restaurant.

Taking out my phone, I call us a car. The hostess frets about how I don’t have any shoes on and she disappears into coat check and bring me a pair of strappy sandals in my size.

“Someone left them here a could months ago and we never found the owner. Take them, it will be our little secret.” She winks and I thank her. I bend down to fasten the straps but Jin is there, doing it for me.

“Man, you’re so whipped,” Tae mutters, and I elbow his side.

“If you were a gentleman, you would be doing it. But you’re not.”

When he’s finished, Jin stands, “You can't let a lady bend down in public while wearing a dress, you mongrel.”

The care pulls up and we head towards the boys shared home.

All the way home I lecture Tae about how much trouble he has caused me and the rest of the band, hoping to guilt-trip him into feeling remorseful.

“You can skip the lecture, Namjoon is going to give me one when we get home anyway,” Tae mutters, slumped down in his seat with his arms crossed.

“And you would deserve it,” I pinch his knee and he yelps. I grab his phone out of his hands and when he moves to grab it back Jin stops him.

“Starting right now you will be sharing your location with me and the boys at all times. If you turn your phone off to try and get rid of us, I’m going to tell Geoffrey that you ran off again.”

“Aw c’mon! Don’t tell Geoffrey.”

“I read your file, I know you’re on your last warning. I may not know what the consequences are but I’m sure you’d like to avoid them.” Tae looks away, avoiding me. “What’s it gonna be? Electronic leash, or do I have to tattle to daddy?”

Tae reaches over and snatches his phone back, “Fine.”

I give him a triumphant smile, “that’s what I thought.”

Back at the house the rest of the band is eager gang up on Tae and tell him off for skipping out on curfew. It’s past midnight by the time we get there, I had to bribe the driver not to mention that he had to work overtime.

Jin just leans his back against the door, shutting his eyes. “You can head up to bed, I’ll fill everyone in on the deal we made.”

He nods his head and gets up to leave but I grab his wrist before he can go far, “thank you for all of your help tonight, I really appreciate you helping me not get fired for losing Tae on my first day.”

He gives me a small smile and then heads up the stairs.

I tap Namjoon on the shoulder, interrupting him lecturing Tae, and he turns to me before turning back to Tae, “I’m not finished with you.”

“That’s a great idea, hopefully, he will keep his word so we don’t have to get Geoffrey involved.” He replies when I tell him about the phone location idea.

I stifle a yawn and pull out my phone to call an Uber for a ride back to my place, but there aren't many close by.

“Why don’t you just stay over, it’s already so late and you can just leave early in the morning to grab new clothes,” Namjoon says, he tries to cover his yawn, and Jimin yawns too, arms wrapped around him.

“Yeah!” Jungkook agrees, his eyes alight with happiness now that Tae is home safe.

“No, no, no, I can't impose on you guys.” I shake my hands hurriedly, “plus it’s unprofessional. I can’t risk any paparazzi seeing me leaving.”

“There aren't any paps allowed in the gate,” Yoongi says from the couch, already looking asleep.

“I also don’t have any clothes to wear to bed, I can't sleep in this dress,” I gesture to my dress that I now realize is hiked pretty high on my thighs and the top is also barely covering my cleavage. I look up at their eyes watching me, and I quickly turn around. “Sorry, this is already so unprofessional.”

A piece of cloth hits the back of my head and I quickly try to grab it before it hits the floor. It’s a shirt.

I turn around and find Yoongi shirtless on the sofa looking to all the world as if he’s been asleep for hours. I cover my hands with my eyes, trying to give him privacy.

“Ya!” Hoseok calls out, “don’t make her feel uncomfortable or she’ll quit!” He slaps Yoongi on his stomach.

Yoongi lets out a small yelp of pain, “I’m tired and I want to go to bed. The sooner we give her pajamas, the sooner we can sleep.” He moves to take his sweats off.

“No! Don’t!” Namjoon grabs Yoongi’s hands. Jimin practically falls over from laughing so much.

“Relax, I was just joking,” Yoongi says, his smile mischievous.

“Fine, Rose gets your room and you’ll sleep on the couch,” Namjoon tells Yoongi, throwing a blanket over his body.

“—no I couldn’t possibly—”

Jungkook raises his hand, “I’ll take noona to get bedtime clothes,” he grabs my wrist and pulls me up the stairs. Jungkook’s room is the first room on the right, and he grabs me a pair of gray sweats for me to wear. “Here, they will be a little big but that’s okay right?”

I nod, resigned to my fate. Jungkook’s room has white walls full of posters, some BTS, and some Marvel movies. His bedspread is a dark purple and the floor is a little cluttered.

“Yoongi’s room is next door, do you need help finding it?” he asks.

I yawn again, “no, I’ll be fine. Thank you again, Kookie.”

He pats my head and I head to Yoongi’s room. His room is black and white monochrome, not a thing out of place. I almost feel guilty messing it up by sleeping in the room...

Taking off my shoes, I rub my feet. Blisters have formed from wearing different pairs of shoes and even no shoes today.

When I curl up in a ball to sleep I feel almost peaceful. A stressful day that could have ended terribly turned out okay, and for that I'm grateful.

I hear the beep of my alarm going off on my phone and a groan reaching over to grab it, but something stops me, or better yet, someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are much appreciated :)


	8. The Problem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! Please let me know your thoughts in the comments, I would love some encouragement from you guys!

The shirt I wore to bed rode up in the night and I can feel the cool air of the room on my bare skin, the alarm blaring incessantly. When I reach over to the nightstand to turn it off I feel some resistance...

There’s a body pressed up against me.

An arm holding me in place and wrapped tightly around my middle right below my chest.

My eyes spring open with a jolt.

The motion must have been too sudden because the arm around me tightens and I hear a moan right behind my ear.

Who the hell is this?!

I want to turn around and find out who this mystery cuddler is but before I can turn my head I feel a nose brush against the nape of my neck and then a small breath being released. The body behind me scooches close and I can feel the warmth of the person’s body come closer to my butt, settling in.

Part of me doesn’t want to move...the part of me that is lonely and sad and still heartbroken from my last terrible relationship. That part wants to lean back into the embrace of this body and enjoy the warmth, enjoy the physical touch of another that I’ve been longing for for so long.

But the part of me who remembers where I am, who this could be, and how wrong this could go so quickly pulls the arm off my chest and tries scoots away.

“Five more minutes,” the person groans into my ear, pulling me back.

Yoongi.

This makes me start to panic.

I thought if anyone it would have been Jin after the night we shared and the way he was so sweet to me. Or even Kookie with how sweet and little he acts, treating me like his noona.

I start to wiggle around trying to get out, and he just twists his legs around mine to stop me.

“Yoongi—“

“Four more minutes,” he whispers in my ear. His mouth now resting where my neck meets my shoulder.

I shiver. Having my bias wrecker so close like this...I want to stay right here and embrace this. But I can’t.

“Yoongi,” I sigh, “I have to go home and shower before I have to be back here.” I have to get out of here before I do something that could get me fired.

Yoongi’s nose skims up my neck to behind my ear, “just shower here.”

A tempting offer...

No. No.

I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize my job. No matter how much the fangirl in me wants to stay.

“Yoongs,” I groan, trying to wiggle out of his grip, but I immediately see the mistake I’ve made.

I inadvertently ground my butt onto his groin and he lets out a loud moan, his other hand wrapping around my thigh to keep me in place. My heart is beating so fast I’m sure he can feel it from where his arm is still bound around me.

My shirt as ridden up so much that my chest is almost fully exposed and I can feel my cheeks heat. It’s now or never.

I grab his hands and pull yanking them off of me and roll over to get off the bed. Yoongi flops onto his back and lets out a loud sigh.

I stand up and grab my phone, trying to collect my things to leave. “I thought you were supposed to be sleeping on the couch?” I ask.

Yoongi looks up at me, his eyes still heavy with sleep, “this is my room.”

“But Namjoon said—”

“Namjoon isn’t the boss of me.” His eyes leave mine and stare at my chest and I can feel my nipples harden under his intrusive gaze. I try to cover them with my clothes from last night but it’s too late, he’s seen.

His mouth quirks up into a half-smile. “Are you always this flushed in the morning?”

I feel my cheeks burn brighter.

Be a professional.

I clear my throat, “I’ll be back to pick you all up later this morning. Go back to sleep.”

He mumbles something on the way out but I can’t make it out. When I reach the first floor I look around for the sandals the hostess gave me while I wait for my Uber to arrive.

“Where’s Yoongi?” Namjoon asks from the kitchen, startling me and I jump with surprise.

“In his bed,” I reply with an edge to my voice.

Namjoon’s eyes narrow, “was he there the whole night?”

I shrug, “I went to bed alone and woke up not alone,” I say, bending down to buckle my shoes.

“I’ll be back to collect all of you later, please make sure everyone is on time.”

He nods, “you know, you’re welcome to shower and get ready here if that’s easier for you.”

Geez, what is with these boys asking me to stay?

“I shouldn’t have even stayed overnight,” my phone beeps alerting me of my ride, “I’ll see you later.”

When I’m getting ready at home, I also pack a bag to keep at the office for emergencies. Seeming as this job is entirely unpredictable, I need to have a go-bag ready just in case something goes awry. I put the dress Li gave me and a pair of my own heels, a small bag of old make-up, an extra toothbrush, a hairbrush, and an extra dress shirt, flats, and even a pair of clean underwear. Basically, all the things that I could have used last night but didn’t have.

Today I’m dressed in business formal, black slacks with a black chiffon blouse with a flowy bow at the neck. Whether it’s my lack of clothes available because I haven’t done laundry in a while or the guilt I’m feeling for how unprofessional I was last night/ this morning is unknown. I finish the outfit with a pair of black pointy heels. I may look like I’m dressed for a funeral but to me, it feels like I’m wearing armor. In this outfit, I feel powerful, but also like I could blend into the background. I want to look so professional that I become invisible.

Today is Sunday, which in a normal world means I would be waking up around noon, doing some laundry, and watching Netflix. But since I now work for BHE, it means today I am accompanying the boys while they film more episodes of Run BTS and then have more dance practice.

When the driver rolls up to my apartment, I grab my go back and my regular work bag and head out. I’m dreading picking up the boys. After the encounter I had with Yoongi this morning, I’m nervous to see him again. I slip my sunglasses on, glad the weather outside permits it. A style choice, yes. But today they are a shield.

Instead of being all meek when I go in the house like I was yesterday, I assert myself.

“Alright, boys, time to roll out!” I yell as I bang on the door.

Jimin opens the door with a sheet mask on, “Good morning, Rose! We’re almost ready to go.” He says and gives me a little hug as not to shift the mask.

I check my watch, “okay, just as long as we can leave in the next five minutes or so.”

Jimin holds the mask in place and nods his head.

I step into the house and decide to take up residence at the door. Trying my best to look indifferent.

Today they will be filming multiple episodes of Run BTS so they all should be bringing a bag of clothes for wardrobe changes. Looking around I see that almost all the boys are wearing face masks this morning.

“Aren’t you guys a little early for mask Monday?” I quip and Jimin giggles.

“We always wear masks before a big day of filming. It’s easiest to just wear them in the car on the way to the studio before we get our makeup done.”

I make a noise of understanding and go back to being aloof.

Looking around I do a quick headcount. Five of the boys are downstairs so far and from the looks of it, we’re just missing Namjoon and Yoongi.

Yoongi.

My mouth feels kind of dry but I try to swallow.

Hobi looks over at me and gives a low whistle, “damn, Rose, you look beautiful this morning. Looking sharp just like your shoes.”

I pull down my sunglasses to the bridge of my nose and give him a wink before putting them back in place. “Thank you, kind sir. You look dashing in that sheet mask.”

Hobi puts his hands under his chin forming a V and gives me a wink of his own.

Jin comes out of the kitchen and crosses to me. He’s eating a protein bar and has yet to put his sheet mask on. I eye him up and down, he has on linen pants and a light sweater.

“That’s a nice outfit, what if you have to do something and it gets dirty?”

He only shrugs, “life is messy.”

I check my watch again, “Namjoon! Yoongi! It’s time to go!” I yell out, and then try to herd the five members downstairs into the waiting SUV. Before the missing two make it to the car, Jungkook has to go back into the house because he forgot his sheet mask on the counter.

“Drag the other two back with you, will you?”

When all three of them come out, I can tell that something is wrong. Namjoon has a gruff look on his face, his cheekbones cut like a razor. Jungkook is flushed, and I'm not sure why. And then there’s Yoongi, in sweats and a wrinkled shirt.

I took a seat in the back and have Jin next to me and Tae next to him. Instead of Namjoon taking the passenger seat, Yoongi takes it and he sits next to Jimin who immediately wraps his arms around the taller boy. He pats Jimin’s arm and lets him comfort him for a few seconds before clearing his throat.

“Everyone put on your sheet masks,” his voice ringing with authority.

It’s silent in the car and I try to break the tension by leaning over Jin to speak to Tae, “you remember our deal? Hm?”

Tae gives me a small glare barely visible through the eyeholes of his mask.

“Ruff,” he barks out like a dog, and I try to hold back a snicker.

“You did this to yourself,” Jin says.

Last night’s dramatic chase around town feels far away like it happened ages ago but I can't let Tae slip back into his destructive behavior. The vibe is off today and I don’t want a repeat of yesterday in any sense.

Hopefully, with the schedule today focused around the boys being filmed means that they will be preoccupied and won’t have a lot of time to get into trouble.

Jin stretches his arms above his head and when bringing them back down leaves one across the back of my seat. I try not to think anything of it. He’s a tall guy, with very broad shoulders so he’s bound to take up a lot of space. But I make eye contact with Yoongi in the front visor mirror that he has down while trying to put on his mask and I can’t help but feel my stomach do a little flip.

From which guy, I don’t know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave kudos and comments and feel free to bookmark!


	9. The Stress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long for the update! I've been busy working on my project for nanowrimo this year. Let me know your thoughts on the story, I'd love to know what you guys are thinking!

A couple of weeks have passed since That Night and That Morning, and I’ve settled more into my position as their assistant. Lots of running around to get things the boys have forgotten, scheduling, and then rescheduling meetings. I’ve been doing my best to be there for the boys when they need me, but also trying to establish a professional relationship by keeping my distance as much as possible. The routine of this new part of my life has taken shape and I’m trying to make myself fit into it.

BTS is about to embark on a long 9 month would tour, and I am supposed to go with them. I’ll be visiting countries I’ve never been to before, and experiencing things for the first time, and for that I’m excited. What I am not excited about is that there will be no escape, no buffer, between me and the boys. I will be with them 24/7, only a short walk down a hotel hallway or a glance backstage. This is great for my career, as I can learn so much in this position about the music industry and touring. But then again, do I want to make a career out of this? Why did I agree to this job in the first place?

Oh right, because I would have been deported.

I took the job from the fear of having to go home and face what I had been running away from. Part of the tour would be visiting the US and how was I going to deal with being back in the exact location that I’ve been avoiding? I don’t know. I thought about quitting and asking to be reassigned to a more permanent job within the company that doesn’t involve traveling, but I said I was fine with it in the beginning and I can't go back on my word now. But I know deep down that I won’t quit no matter how much this all scares me. I won’t abandon the boys.

We haven’t even left yet and I already feel like I'm treading the water we will be flying over. Due to the traveling nature of the tour and for safety reasons I was allowed to tell my mom about my position, and it honestly went better than I expected. Which just means it didn’t end it tears or screaming.

“What do you mean you’re the assistant to a kpop group and you’re about to go on a world tour? I thought you were a school teacher?” her voice grows higher and higher with her concern.

I rubbed at my forehead, prepared for this reaction after growing up with a libra for a mother. “I got fired and the principle helped me find another job so I could stay in the country under my work visa.”

“Fired?!” she squeaks, “Christ, Rose, this is a lot to process.”

“I know, I’m sorry for dumping it on you all at once, but with the NDA I signed it had to be like this.”

It’s like she didn’t even hear me.

“Wait, if this is a world tour, that means you’ll be back in the US for a bit right? Do you know when? Or how close you will be to home?”

I knew the answer, of course, the tour schedule had been made months in advance, “I haven’t been given that information yet, but I’ll let you know when I do. I just didn’t want you to worry about traveling and my safety.”

This made her pause for a moment.

“Yes, I would like you to send me an itinerary so I know what country you are in and where you are staying so I know where you are in case something happens to you.”

“Nothing is going to happen, mom. I’m traveling with celebrities, not getting sold to traffickers.”

“Well, you just never know these days,” I could hear the dismissiveness in her tone.

After the call, I remembered why I wanted to leave in the first place.

This was going to be a great opportunity, I just had to keep my personal feelings locked uptight.

Today at work the boys were in the dance practice room going over choreography. Hobi was like a completely different person when teaching dance. The sunshine boy with a beautiful smile was nowhere to be seen in the dance hall.

Tomorrow we were scheduled to have a practice with the actual stage and lights set up like they would have for the tour at a nearby stadium and I could feel the stress in the room like a mist across my skin.

“Seokjin, you need to put your weight on the heel of your left leg, that’s why you are unbalanced,” Hoseok says arms cross and hand on his chin in thought.

Jin nods and adjusts his stance. He gets the most critique and I can tell that it gets to him sometimes. He’s probably really nervous for the first day of stage rehearsals tomorrow.

I give him a subtle thumbs up and the wrinkle in his forehead eases.

Mr. Lee (or Richard, as he has asked me to call him many times) breezes into the room and hands me a stack of papers he needs copied and scanned and I head out of the room to do that work. Mr. Lee is easy to work for. He is a hardass but soft when needed which is exactly the type of manager that works for BTS. Geoffrey Woo is the one I’m still afraid of. He is higher up in the chain of command than Mr. Lee and his authority is absolute. After the talk he had with me about the boys at one of their Run BTS shoots, I’m scared of interacting with him lest he suspects anything.

Not that there is anything to suspect! But whenever someone suspects something of me, even when I haven’t done anything wrong, I’m always anxious anyway. Which is how I know I would fail a lie detector test whether I was guilty or not. My anxiety would cause me to be nervous about being thought of as guilty that it would surely make me seem guilty on the machine.

I place the files back on Mr. Lee’s desk and he nods at me without looking up from his computer, engrossed in something.

Back in the practice room, things look a little tense, so I decided to grab the boys some coffee.

Once in the elevator, I’m excited to see a familiar face walk in.

“Emilee! I haven’t seen you in so long.” I move to give her a small hug since her hands are full of binders.

“Hi, Rose!” she gives my hand a little squeeze, “I know! Things have been so busy lately, we must get drinks before you leave for tour!”

My heart bursts with happiness, these past few have been kind of lonely when all I’ve done is work and worry about working, it would be nice to relax before a long bout of 24/7 work.

“Yes, please, I would love to catch up sometime soon!”

She gets off at accounting, “great! I’ll email you so we can find a day that works for both of us.”

By the time I get off the elevator, I feel lighter on my feet with something new to look forward to.

I smile and wave as I come up to the coffee counter at the barista. We’ve come to have a nice understanding in these past few weeks. I make multiple trips for coffee a day, mostly because it’s free and also as an excuse not to mingle too long with the boys during downtime. The barista nods at me and plugs my order in and I scan my ID.

“How’s your girlfriend?” I ask her, “Did you guys make up after that fight?”

Her name is Hyuna, and she gives me a sly grin, “Oh, yes, we had the best make up sex in the history of makeup sex.”

“Thank fuck,” I sigh in relief, “you guys are literally perfect together.”

We’ve become friends over the course of my time here, my love of coffee and her love of chatting while she works, making friends fall into place like pieces of a puzzle.

“Hyuna, Emilee, and I are getting drinks next week. Would you like to join us?”

She gives me a full smile, “I’d love to.”

I smile right back, “make sure to bring Ara with you, I’m dying to meet her.”

“Absolutely,” Hyuna says and hands me the drink carriers and I handle them with practiced ease.

Hyuna pulls her short purple hair up into a tiny bun and waves goodbye as I head back up to the BTS floor.

When I get back to the practice room, the boys look up from the huddle they’ve made.

“Coffee break?” I ask, looking to Hobi for permission.

He nods, letting out a big sigh and using the towel around his neck to wipe his face.

Jungkook slides over on his knees, his arms reaching out for his coffee.

“Here, Kookie,” I say and hand him his drink.

The others I go around the room and pass them out. Jimin has decided to take his break by laying on the floor and I set his coffee down by his hand, giving it a tap so he knows it’s there. He gives me a little nod to know he understands. Hobi is sitting in a chair looking at the footage he took on his phone of the routines, and just holds his hand out for the drink and I place it in his outstretched hand. I pass the rest out, leaving Yoongi for last, subconsciously or unconsciously I don’t know.

Our fingers brush as I hand him his drink and I feel a warmth go through my fingers that were so cold from the iced drinks. It’s a little shocking and I pull away, almost dropping his coffee but he’s quick with his hands and catches it before it falls.

“Oops,” I mumble out.

Yoongi mutters something under his breath and I can't hear what he says but I do understand a word; nervous.

I turn back around to try and distance myself from him and I make eye contact with Jin. He’s sipping his iced coffee, the contours of his cheeks sucked in from the use of his straw. His eyes are like daggers drilling into me.

Dangerous.

I look away and turn to Jungkook, my safe harbor. He gives me an easy smile and pats the space next to him on the mat.

“Come here, noona,” and so I do. He rests his head on my shoulder and I pat his head.

I want to ask him if Yoongi and Jin are mad at me, he lives with them so he must know. But that would be unprofessional.

I don’t know how but I need to try and clear the air before we leave for the tour. I don’t think I can take nine months of this kind of atmosphere.

“Jungkook?” I ask, tapping him on the head.

He looks up at me with his wide doe eyes, “is something wrong?” he asks, concern in the wrinkle between his brow, “you never call me by my whole name.”

“Do you think I’m a good assistant?”

He sits up, “Yes, noona, you’re the best assistant!”

I look at him with my eyebrows raised, “I don’t want you to just say that to say that, I want you to tell me the truth.”

He parrots back the same face I gave him, “I am being serious. You are a great assistant. You listen, you help when we need it and the best is that you seem to know when we need without us asking. A coffee break was a perfect idea,” he gives his coffee a big slurp.

I nod, still not convinced. Maybe asking my biggest fan wasn’t the best way to find out if I’m a good fit for the boys.

My phone buzzes with a phone call and I fish it out of my pocket to see who it is. The screen displays Mr. Woo’s name and I sit up straighter. Jungkook sees my reaction and peeks over to see who is calling and when he sees he gives me a sideward glance.

“Hello, Mr. Woo,” I say, clicking into the call. A few of the other member’s heads swivel over to me at the sound of Geoffrey’s name.

“Rose,” he says, his voice deep, “before we leave for the tour we need to have your assistant evaluation. You’ve been with the company for a bit now and we need to assess you and make sure we don’t have to find a new assistant before the tour.”

You gulp, they could literally fire you before the tour starts, and then you’re back to square one with jobs and the possibility of deportation.

“Of course, when you would like to schedule it?” I ask and pull up the calendar on the iPad.

“I will be speaking with Richard and all of the members before we schedule it, so I will get back to you on scheduling a meeting. I just wanted you to be aware of what is going on.”

“Of course,” I say and then cringe since I just said it, “get back to me whenever and I can fit it into the schedule.”

“Wonderful,” he says and hangs up.

I set the phone down in my lap, and Jungkook grabs my wrist, “what was that about?”

“Geoffrey was just reminding me about my upcoming performance review,” I respond, my finger drawing lazy circles on the mat.

I get a text message and check it, it’s from Jimin.

Jimin: Don’t worry, the review will go just fine! :)

I look up and see him cuddling with Namjoon, their backs up against the mirror. I mouth “thank you” and he winks at me before kissing Namjoon on the cheek. The taller boy returns the kiss and then looks over at me, giving me a reassuring nod. I know I shouldn’t but I look over at Tae and raises his finger to his throat in a slicing motion and then winks at me.

I roll my eyes, of course, he’s going to give me a bad review. I’m technically blackmailing him. 3/7 isn’t even 50% so I need to make sure that at least one of the others gives me a good review or I’m out.

Scanning the room I think about who could give me a good review. With Hobi I think I could get a good review from him, we haven’t had any altercations or any issues. I would assume Jin would give me a good review after what we went through together. But then again, after That Night he has been slightly off with me. Lastly, that leaves Yoongi. The wild card. After That Morning things have been super awkward and tense and I know that a lot of that falls on me. I distanced myself because I was embarrassed and I didn’t want him to know that. I didn’t want to admit that I liked what happened because I knew that it shouldn’t have happened. It also made me confused because just the night before I was feeling something towards Jin and the way he treated me while we were looking for Tae. And I shouldn’t be feeling anything for either of them!

I need to get my head on straight and remember why I took this job because if I don’t I’ll lose it, and if I lose it, I’ll have to go back home, and I can't do that.

I just can't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment, leave kudos, bookmark!


	10. The Girls Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose goes to the bar to catch up with Emilee and Hyuna.
> 
> TW: attempted assault

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I'm doing NaNoWriMo and I decided when I feel writers' block on my novel that I'll write chapters for this so at least I'm still writing. Hope you like it!

I haven't really been out a lot lately because of early call times for work, with the looming tour and all, but I don't have to come in until lunch tomorrow because the boys have a day off. They truly deserve it. They've been working early mornings and late nights in preparation for the tour and they have a day of rest to mentally prepare for the first stage practice the following day.

With my newfound late night freedom, I can't help but feel excited about being about to meet up with people I care about. Hyuna and Emilee have been such an integral part of my comfort in the company, I really feel like I can be myself with them. I'm truly glad that our schedules lined up enough for us to meet up.

I put on a pair of heels that I keep under my desk at work in case sneakers are inappropriate for something we have to attend, and I putting them on now seems appropriate. Brining my makeup bag with me today would have been smart but I didn't think about it so I can't do any touch-ups but I fish a pair of dangly earrings out of the bowels of my purse to try and enhance my look. I have a high waisted leopard print skirt with a graphic tee, the heels making the outfit go from day to night, like all those cosmo girl magazines I grew up reading.

Emilee has already snagged us a table in the back when I get there, she's already sipping on something fruity.

"Hi, Em!" I shout over the thump of the music and she smiles and waves me over.

She gives me a quick little hug, squeezing my shoulders.

"Hyuna's at the bar grabbing a drink," she points over.

I look over and find the purple-haired girl arguing with the bartender, a thin man with a long beard and small glasses. She grabs the drink out of his proffered hand and stalks off in a huff.

"I don't understand why he insisted on arguing with me about the effectiveness of shaken vs stirred cocktails. Shaken cocktails are not inherently better just because there is more movement. It just depends on how you stir the beverage!"

I laugh and she smiles, glad I understand. "Leave it to the barista to tell the bartender how to do his job."

"Trust me, if I could have made my own drink I would have."

Emilee releases the tip of her straw for a moment to ask, "Hyuna, what is the correct way to stir a drink?"

Hyuna smiles, flicking her hair out of her eyes. "Well, stirring in a circular motion doesn't do much for the drink because it does mix all the levels, which is why people hate stirred drinks and prefer shaken. BUT, the way to properly stir a drink is to use the j-hook technique. You move the long spoon down to the bottom and pull it up like a J and basically repeat it until it's fully mixed. Plus, if you shake something carbonated it loses the carbonation!"

Hyuna smiles and raises her glass in a cheers motion before taking a big gulp.

I turn to her, "Hyuna, I thought you were bringing your girlfriend along?"

Her face takes on a sad tone, "she was on call and got called in to help."

I nod slowly, understanding. Her girlfriend is a nurse.

"Aren't you going to get something to drink?" Emilee asks.

I was so content just sitting here being with friends I totally forgot we're at a bar!

"Yes! Yes, I'll be right back."

I weave my way through the throngs of bodies all pushed together close, sweaty, and swaying to the music. I bump into someone and nod my head to apologize, but they don't even notice. Too lost in whatever it is they are feeling. I can't even remember the last time that I felt that open and carefree, wide open and vulnerable. I've been living my life on fast forward for the last couple of weeks and I need to remind myself that it can be nice to slow down.

When I get to the bar, I struggle to get the attention of the bartender that Hyuna was so annoyed with. Maybe he knows I'm with her and he's ignoring me on purpose or I just don't stick out enough to be noticed, lost in the crowd. The bar is in the center of the club, two-sided and it makes a circle. I try to look around and see if it would be easier to get a drink on the other side of the circle, but then I would also have to try and make my way there.

Just when I'm about to give up and try the other side, a bartender I didn't notice before slides up in front of me.

"Hey, what can I get you?" He has a nose ring and his hair seems to be slicked back with grease, an easy smile on his face.

"I'll just take a vodka press with a lemon, please."

He hurries off to make the drink and I turn over my shoulder to look back at my friends, both smiling and laughing. It feels nice to be out with friends and not the boys and all the execs and crew that come along with them. Don't get me wrong, all of those people are great and nice and hardworking, but they aren't my friends outside of work. I'm glad that Emilee, Hyuna, and I were able to make the jump from work friends to real friends. We all do such different things for BHE that it's nice to talk about things going on in the company that doesn't just revolve around BTS.

The bartender taps my hand to get my attention, and I turn around to hand him some bills and take my drink.

"Keep the change, thank you!" I half shout to him and head back to the table.

I slurp the top off the glass so it isn't so full, worried I'll bump into someone again and spill the drink all over myself.

"What are you two laughing about?" I ask once I safely get back to the table.

"I was just telling Emilee about all the weird kind of drinks people order at work," Hyuna says.

"I can't believe that someone ordered a blue raspberry and white chocolate mocha, that sounds so gross." Emilee makes a gagging noise.

"The color it turns is even worse I promise you."

"Isn't that basically just a raspberry white chocolate mocha? Those are pretty common back in the states." I ask.

Hyuna nods, "yeah it's pretty much the same but I'm telling you, the way it smells and the way it looks makes it so gross. There is something about the blue raspberry syrup that is just disgusting."

"Who orders it?" Emilee asks.

Hyuna snorts, "some high up finance guy. He acts all high and mighty too like his taste is superior or something."

We all burst out laughing.

This is the kind of talk I miss, just talking about things that are normal and aren't so high stress all the time. I love the boys and working for them is amazing but it's also so stressful to work for such a well-known band. There's less room for mistakes.

And then I realize there's something I've been wondering since my first day.

"Hey, Hyuna," I turn to her, putting my hand over hers to get her attention, "on my first day working at BHE you told me the old assistant was a jackass, what was that all about?"

Hyuna and Emilee share a look, and now I'm worried I said the wrong thing. This was supposed to be a fun night and I've worried it with such an odd topic.

"You don't have to tell me," I try to backtrack, " I'm sorry I asked!"

Hyuna puts her other hand over mine. "No, no, It's fine. I'm just surprised that the boys haven't told you already."

That makes me sit back in my chair.

"What do you mean?"

It's Emilee who answers, "she means, it's a little weird that they haven't told you about him. He was so terrible, didn't do any reading up on the boys, and gave Hobi walnuts when he's super allergic. He and Namjoon were always fighting, he thought he was in control because he had been there so long and had worked with other idol groups before."

Hyuna cuts in. "Yeah, he would cut in line all the time demanding I make his drinks first like some sort of an entitled asshole. It ruined BTS's image within the company for a bit because people thought they were putting him up to all of it."

Emilee looks around before leaning in close, "he actually got into a physical altercation with Tae one time and that's ultimately what caused his termination."

"Christ, that's crazy. What a total asshole." I shake my head, in utter disbelief by it all.

Hyuna bumps my shoulder playfully. "That's why it was so refreshing that they hired a woman for the role after him. You were like a breath of fresh air after such a shit storm."

"Actually my review is coming up, I have to have it before we leave for the tour. I'm actually worried the boys won't give me good reviews..."

Emilee blanches, "why would they do that?"

I chug down some of my drink and gnaw at my bottom lip. I can't tell them that things have been weird between me and Jin and me and Yoongi. These girls are great, but I'm sure Emilee is a mandatory reporter for infractions. They look at me with such eager and questioning eyes.

"A couple of weeks ago, Tae went off on his own, and Jin and I had to go out and find him. Tae's been pretty mad at me ever since."

Emilee waves me off, "he is always like that with new people I hear. Fame is like a leash and he always wants to know how far he can go before getting shirked back."

"Compared to the last guy, you are amazing. I'm sure you're review will go well and you'll go on tour with them!" Hyuna pipes in.

I can feel a small weight lifted off my shoulders, feeling lighter than I have in weeks. I may not be perfect, but I am a great assistant, and if anything I'm better than the train wreck of the last one they had. A large smile spreads across my face.

I down the rest of my drink and grab both of their hands, "let's dance!"

So we do.

We enter the dance floor with the grace of baby giraffes but it doesn't matter once we hear the beat of the music and feel the thump of the bass shake through our bodies.

It's been so long since I let myself go like this. Just jumping around and dancing like no one is watching, like nothing matters. Emilee grabs my hand and twirls me around in a circle. I grab Hyuna's and twirl her and she does a perfect pirouette.

"What are you, a ballerina?" I practically scream over the music.

"In another life!" she shouts back at me, and I feel a laugh bubble up in my chest.

When I turn back around Emilee is dancing with a guy, a sultry smile on her face. I turn back to Hyuna and we go back to our twirling.

Back at the table, we stumble our way into our seats, Emilee is still dancing with the guy. Hyuna and I sip at our waters from the table but then decide it's time for another drink.

The bartender from before remembers her and they start fighting about shaking and stirring and I pretend that I keep up with what they are talking about. He hands us our drinks, stirred, and Hyuna smirks at him while handing him some bills.

"Wow, this really does taste better!" I say for her benefit, and give Hyuna a wink.

We clink our glasses, "after this, shots!" she demands and I laugh along and agree.

Emilee joins us when it's time for shots, pink in her cheeks bringing out the blue in her eyes.

"His name is Jason and he told me he loves the way I move," her tone sounds like she thinks that line is so corny, but I can see the look in her eyes.

"Well after these shots you can go back and show him how you can really move," I wink at her.

The shots are tequila, and I forget to lick the salt off my hand first. I'm gagging a bit, but the lime helps.

"Rose, I was so sure you'd be an expert on all things like this." Emilee laughs.

"I'm more of a wine and beer kind of girl," I reply, sheepish.

Hyuna laughs, "I'll be sure to put wine in your hot coffee cups from now on."

"At least wait until I've had my review," I say and we all break into a new bit of giggles.

Back on the dance floor, I start to feel really woozy. This is weird because 3 shots shouldn't be enough to make me feel unstable. I tell the girls I'm going to the bathroom and stumble my way there. For once in my life, there isn't a line, and I stumble my way to a stall, knocking myself into the door and the wall. With it locked tight I let out a shaky breath and feel my mouth start to salivate.

"Oh, no," I mumble out, and then I'm throwing up. I didn't have much for lunch and forgot to bring dinner so it's mainly all liquid but it burns my throat nonetheless. I feel tears running down my cheeks and know my makeup is ruined.

I get up, still shaky on my feet, and go to the sink to get some water to rinse my mouth out. When I lift my head up I can see the tear marks on my face and where my eye makeup has smudged.

"Hello, there," a voice says and startles me, my hand rushing up to my chest in fright.

I shift my focus in the mirror and see the bartender who gave me my first drink, his hair still slicked back but his easy smile is gone. His mouth now turned up in a half-smirk and his eyes glassy.

"I was hoping to find you here," he says, his voice lowering and taking a step closer.

My pulse speeds, but start washing my hands like nothing is amiss. "Oh, hey, don't worry about me. I just felt a little queasy. Must have been something I ate." I towel off my hands, and posture like I'm fixing my make up with the towelette.

He snickers at me like I'm an idiot, "yeah, must be food poisoning."

I move to throw the towel into the trash, "well, thanks for checking in on me, but I'm all good."

I am not all good, I can feel my stomach rolling and my hammering pulse isn't doing me any favors since I already feel clammy.

I try to move past him but he grabs my wrist.

"You don't look so good, I'll take you to the staff lounge and we can hang there until you feel better."

His iron-clad grip circles around my wrist, I can feel the bones press together painfully. Panic starts to whirl through me.

"Rose? Are you in there?" Emilee calls from outside the door, knocking.

His grip momentarily falters and I rush for the only place I can think to get away from him. I slam myself into a bathroom stall, locking the door, and step as far back from the door as I can.

"Come back out here you stupid slut," he growls, banging on the door.

The door shakes with his pushing and I grab the lock, trying to keep it from jiggling closed. His hand reaches out over the door and grabs my arm, and I feel something sharp pinch me. I pull my hand away and look down, a tiny pinprick is forming blood on my arm.

He's trying to open the door from above.

I drop to my knees and crawl to the other stall next to me on the floor. If I wasn't scared out of my mind I would have stopped to think out utterly disgusting this is, but the only thing on my mind is fear, and getting away from this...rapist.

The word clangs through me.

He drugged my drink, he did something to my arm. He's either a rapist or a murderer. Neither one is better than the other.

By the time I'm three stalls away he opens the one I was in.

"What the—" I hear him say, and then I pull myself up into the handicap stall at the back and run to lock this one closed.

He hears me and runs to beat me.

"Go away!" I shout, my voice is garbled. My tongue feels like it's grown two sizes in my mouth.

"Rose!" Hyuna shouts, her voice obscured by the locked door outside.

"We're coming in, Rose!" Emilee screams and I feel the man loosen his grip on the door.

I fall to my knees and feel my butt hit something hard. My phone.

It's buzzing and look at it trying to understand what is happening. It's my work phone, I must have left my personal one in my purse at coat check.

Namjoon has texted me something, but I can't make out what it says the words are blurred together.

I call him. He picks up on the second ring.

"Rose?" he asks, confused.

"Joonie?" my voice cracks, and I can hear how freaked out I sound.

"What's wrong?" I can hear the change in his tone and the sounds of other people talking over one another.

"He's trying to get me, don't let him get me."

I'm crying now.

"Who's trying to get you? Where are you?" The voices in the background are louder.

I'm sniffling, fading fast, "I'm at the bar,"

"Which bar?" I hear someone else practically growl.

"The one—um, the one by work."

Now I hear lots of shouts, from the phone or outside or inside, I don't know.

"Help me," I plea, and then everything goes black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment, review, leave kudos! I'd love some feedback or some love


	11. The Recovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys like the story!

My head is pounding, my mouth feels like cotton, and I’m pretty sure that I’m not wearing any pants.

“Go back to sleep,” someone whispers, and I panic.

It’s him. He got me.

A scream wells up in my throat, “Help—”

“Shh, it’s okay. You’re safe, we got you.” Another voice says, a hand stroking my hair.

I flinch and turn to see Namjoon, he gives me a small smile.

“Don’t worry, Rose. We wouldn’t let anyone hurt you.” I turn my head back around and see Jimin.

I take a deep breath and let it out. Safe.

“No, no, don’t cry,” Jimin says, reaching up to my face to wipe at tears I didn’t know was falling.

Now I’m full-on sobbing, deep shaking sobs wrack their way through my body and I feel myself shaking with the force of it.

Namjoon rubs my back, “they got him. Jin and Yoongi found that son of a bitch and the police got him in custody. He shouldn’t even be allowed to work there, he’s had two felonies.”

That only makes me cry harder.

“Hyuna and Emilee are safe too. They’re a little shaken up about the whole thing, but they are just glad you are safe. If anything, they feel guilty for not noticing sooner.”

“No! No—” I wail, “It’s not their fault!”

“It’s not yours either.” Namjoon tries to soothe, his hand soft as it strokes my shoulder blades but his voice hard. “He drugged your drink and tried to drug you, but he wasn’t successful.”

“Here, drink some water.” Jimin puts a glass of water up to my lips and I take a few deep gulps. My mouth instantly tastes better and my head clears a little.

I drink a little more and then fall back asleep.

The sound of a door closing wakes me the next time and I jerk, my leg kicking out.

“Ow! Fuck—” I hear someone whisper.

I peak my eye open and find Yoongi laying on the bed next to me on top of the covers flipping through a worn paperback book with a book light illuminating the pages. His eyes move over to me and I'm caught.

He flips it shut, “You’re awake, how are you feeling?” He reaches over and hands me the glass of water. I gulp down the rest of it and pull myself into a sitting position. The comforter falls around my middle and I remember that I’m not wearing any pants, just in the pair of underwear I wore out... and then I remember.

“Yoongi,” I croak, clutching the glass tightly in both hands.

He puts his hand on my back, “You’re okay, you’re at our place.”

I look around and realize I'm in his bedroom again.

“We were worried about you waking up in the middle of the night in someone’s room and being scared. We thought it best for you to sleep here where you’ve been before.”

I nod, the empty glass in my hands starts to shake. He plucks it out of my hands and grabs ahold of them.

“What happened? How did I get here?” my voice quivers out into the darkness. The only light source is from the electric clock displaying that it’s 5 am.

“What do you remember?” he asks gently.

I think back to my memories of the night before, remembering dancing with the girls and laughing, talking...

“The bartender,” I whisper, my lips barely moving.

He nods, “We had him arrested.”

I nod, letting the memories soak over me. The bathroom stall, crawling on the floor, the prick of the needle...

“Do you remember calling Namjoon?”

I lift my hands out of his and rub at my face and find it clean of all the makeup I remember having smeared all over my face. “Um—kind of?”

“You told us you were at the bar by Big Hit and then you must have passed out because you were unresponsive over the phone. We called a car and drove there as fast as we could, still on the phone with you calling for you to wake up. Eventually, Emilee picked up the phone, explaining what had happened.” I can see him picking at his fingernails out of the corner of my eye, “Apparently, Hyuna got in a fight with the bartender after he came out of the bathroom with a panicked look on his face. She chased after him and hopped on his back, screaming at him—”

I laugh a little bit at her boldness, but it comes out like I clearing my throat.

“—When we got there, Namjoon had the club shut down and Jimin called the police. Jin found you...”

I can feel my whole body shaking now, it’s not until he pulls me to his chest and I feel the wetness against his shirt that I realize I’m crying. An uncontrollable sob breaks out of my chest and I collapse into him.

“Shh, shh, you’re alright jagi,” he whispers into my hair. I can feel his lips by my ear.

My fingers clutch the fabric of his shirt, glad to have someone to anchor me. I can't stop, I can't stop the tears from falling, I can't stop my body from shaking. I feel like I can't catch my breath, I can only hear the whooshing in my ears.

I vaguely hear the door opening and then I feel the dip in the bed when someone else sits on it.

“Take deep breaths you’re having a panic attack, Rose.” It’s Jin. He pulls me out of Yoongi’s embrace, and I hear the shorter man tut. Jin puts my body in the sitting position and has me put my head between my knees.

I feel some of the pressure in my head dissipate, but my heart is beating so fast and my lungs feel like they are being crushed by a ten thousand pound boulder. Jin rubs my back and murmurs soothing words into my ear. Not wanting to feel left out, Yoongi moves his hand up and down my in a comforting rhythm.

When I start to feel better I lift my head, breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth.

“Good, good girl,” Jin says, patting my head.

I turn to him, “You’re the one who found me?”

His eyes harden, “Yes. You were unconscious on the floor in the bathroom and I carried you out to the car. Emilee told us what happened and we had our private doctor come over and check you out. You were roofied, and he has test results waiting to see what was in that needle prick. That bastard didn’t get to inject it, but he took a minor blood sample to see if there was any residual evidence.” I look down and notice the bandage on the inside of my elbow.

“Thank you,” I say, and he brings an arm around me to give me a slight hug.

All three of us are silent for a moment and then Yoongi speaks up, “Do you, do you remember anything about the car ride here?”

I close my eyes, trying to concentrate...

“No, I just remember waking up earlier this morning...”

Yoongi’s jaw ticks and he turns away. I look over to Jin but he’s fiddling with a loose thread on his shirt.

I lie back down, exhausted from all the adrenaline my body went through from the panic attack.

Jin pulls the covers back over my body and I mumble out a thanks.

Yoongi moves like he’s going to get up to leave, but I grab him wrist, stopping him. “What happened in the car?” I’m almost afraid to ask.

The two boys share a look, but Jin is the one to answer the question, “you were awake for a bit, and mumbling about some stuff... but it wasn’t anything coherent, just kind of mumbling...” Jin trails off again and picks up where he left off.

“You sounded like you were,” he bites down on his lip, “in pain. But we couldn’t find where you were hurt—" I look down at my arm. “—it was before you saw the doctor.”

“Oh, okay,” I mumble out.

The look on their faces makes me think that something else happened, maybe I said something embarrassing and they don’t want to repeat it, sparing me the embarrassment.

They both get up from the bed, “You must be tired still, we’ll let you sleep.”

I feel the panic spreading through my body again like cold water bursting from a dam. “No!” I squeak out.

They both turn back and look at me, confusion coloring their features.

“I’m scared.” Scared that if I close my eyes I’ll see his slicked-back hair and his beady little eyes, the hands of a monster reaching over to get me...

“Okay, we’ll stay.” Yoongi replies and he and Jin lie back on the bed.

I fall asleep again to the sound of a lullaby Jin hums softly.

\--

When I wake the third time, the blinds are open and light is filtering in through the cracks in the shades. I peek open my eyes and see that Jin is still here, he’s flipping through the pages of the book Yoongi was reading earlier. I can’t feel a weight on the other side of my body, Yoongi must have left. I close my eyes again and feel a warmth of comfort spread over me.

Here with the boys, I’m safe.

“Fuck,” I mutter, reality suddenly hit me hard.

“What’s wrong?” Jin frets, the back of his hand moving to my forehead. I push it off, guilt rolling in my stomach.

“It was supposed to be your day off today. You guys finally had a day off and I ruined it. You guys were up all night with me.” I flop face-first into the pillow, groaning out in shame.

Jin gently strokes the back of my head, “Rose, you were hurt. What kind of men would we be if we knew our friend was in trouble and we didn’t help her?”

The word “friend” jolts through me like an electric current.

“You take care of us,” his fingers scratch at my scalp, “the least we can do is reciprocate.”

Jin’s kind words are meant to make me feel better but it has the opposite effect on me. I feel more guilty and my eyes start to well up in tears. I reach up to wipe them and I can feel my nose getting stuffy.

“Jagi, don’t cry. We still have the whole day off to relax. And Namjoon called you in sick, so you don’t need to worry about going in. You need some rest too.”

“No, I have to go! My review is coming up, I can’t miss work for reasons like this. Especially if Namjoon calls me in sick, that’s not something he should do for me! That’s something I should do for you guys!” I curl up in a ball on my side, wishing for more sleep and unconsciousness. If I can sleep longer I can pretend that this isn’t happening, I can pretend that this whole thing didn’t happen. Not last night, not this morning, not this very moment.

Someone knocks on the door before poking their head in, “Is something wrong?”

It’s Namjoon.

I curl myself tighter.

“She’s worried how taking a day off will make her look for her review. And she’s worried that you called in sick for her.”

I peek one eye open at him for his reaction, but it’s too kind for my liking so I close it.

“Rose, calling in sick for you in fine. I called Emilee so Richard won’t even know that it was me who called in.”

That makes me relax a little, I uncurl my body and turn to him, “But, that still doesn’t make up for the fact that I kept you guys up well into the early morning when today was one of your only chances to sleep in!”

Yoongi comes in the room in a towel wrapped around his waist and another in his hand wiping at his hair, “What did I miss?”

Yoongi is shirtless, he’s basically naked. My eyes practically bulge out of my face and I can feel a blush creeping all over my entire body.

“Ya! Put some clothes on!” Jin scolds him.

Yoongi scoffs, “This is my room, hyung.” and then disappears into his walk-in closet.

“Just ignore him,” Namjoon says, sitting down on the bed.

“Hey!” Yoongi complains from inside the closet.

Namjoon ignores him, “There is nothing wrong with taking a personal day, Rose. Especially since once we go on tour there won't be much time for them.”

“We don’t even know if I’m going on tour with you, I still have to wait on the results from my review before I know for sure.”

Both Jin and Namjoon scoff, and then Namjoon speaks, “Your review is going to go fine, don’t stress over it too much.”

I’m running out of reasons to be guilty.

“But—But—won't they think that I only took today off because you guys have today off? What if they think they we’re together?”

“We are together,” Jin points out the obvious.

“I know! But we don’t want Richard to know that! He’ll think I’m trying to fornicate with you guys and then I’ll surely fail my review and get promptly fired.”

I flop on my back and pull the pillow over my head and scream into it. “I can’t get fired,” I mumble into the pillow, despair gripping me.

“Well, isn’t she dramatic in the mornings?” Yoongi says and pulls the pillow off my face. “It doesn’t matter what they think, there isn’t any proof. It’s not against company policy to fraternize, and no one is certainly going to sex you right now after the awful night you suffered through.”

My cheeks go deeper red at that comment. He implied that they would have sex with me if I hadn’t almost been attacked last night. Which is a wild thought all on its own.

It’s against the rules. I chant to myself. Don’t even think about it.

“Why don’t you stay with us today, you’re already here and we all have the day off. Let’s just relax, you had a rough night.” Namjoon rubs my arm in comfort.

“I have a bathroom in my room since I’m the oldest. It has a bathtub in it. Why don’t you take a bath and relax? There are jets and bubble bath products. You’ll love it.” He reaches his hands out, grabbing my arms to pull me up but I squeak and pull backward.

“What's wrong?” Namjoon asks, and I see the smirk Yoongi wears.

“She’s not wearing any pants,” Yoongi chuckles.

“What?” Jin gapes, starring down at the comforter covering me.

“They were dirty from crawling all over the floor last night so I took them off her before I put her to bed.”

He saw my underwear. He partially undressed me.

Yoongi opens a drawer and throws me a pair of sweats and I awkwardly put them on under the covers.

Jin grabs my hands again this time to take me to his room. I thank Namjoon on my way out the door and Yoongi for using his room. The former smiles, and the later smirks. I’m sure I’ll never be done thanking them for all the help they gave me last night, no number of thank yous feels like enough.

Going back to the first room in the hallway, Jin’s room is the biggest. “Namjoon may be the leader but I’m the eldest so I get the biggest room,” his chest puffing out with pride. The walls are the palest shade of pink that they almost look white and his four-poster bed frame is high off the floor with a luscious comforter the shade of a freshly blossomed pink rose. His bathroom is a chrome masterpiece, everything reflecting with the light hitting each surface and refracting rainbows all over the room. The bathtub is one of the biggest things I've ever seen, deep enough to submerge your full body and wide enough it’s like a mini hot tub.

“How warm do you like your water?” He asks, reaching for the faucet.

I’m busy looking at his stunning reflection on every surface and I barely hear him. “Um...hot?” I respond, and he nods before adjusting the handle.

I walk over to the mirror and look at my reflection for the first time since last night. My eyes have such large dark purple patches underneath them they look like bruises and my skin is patchy shades of red and pink. I reach a hand up to touch them and gasp when I see my wrist. There’s a dark blueish bruise forming over my wrist where the man grabbed me last night.

Jin looks over to me and frowns, his hand rubbing at his lips.

I’m lost in my reflection looking over every bruise or imperfection when the smells hit me.

“That smells lovely, what is it?”

“It’s lavender and chamomile, both are good for relaxation,” he mutters, eyes fixed on the bathtub.

He can't even bring himself to look at me, he must find my body repulsive. I would too if I were him. I look like I was dragged from the back of a truck last night. My hair looks to be stuck in one big knot in the back of my head.

“It’s ready,” he announces and shuts off the water, the sound of the bathroom turning silent. “Towels and a clean bathrobe are in the cabinet right over there, just yell if you need anything else.”

He’s gone before I can even thank him.

I lock the door and then undress as quickly as possible so I don’t have to look at my naked form and sink into the bath. It’s so luxurious that it should be forbidden to feel this good. The bubbles coat me in a blanket of foam and I feel so warm that my body feels like it’s stinging but I relish the feeling. Let this bath wash away all the grime of last night, let it wash away all my guilt and shame, and my impure thoughts about the members of the group.

I am resilient, I am capable, and I will come out stronger than before.

I’ve been telling myself that since I broke up with my ex, it’s a sentence that my mind just can’t seem to shake. It comes to me when I need it most, and now must be one of those times.

I relax into the water and repeat the sentence until I feel something deep in my chest unfurl.

I am resilient, I am capable, and I will come out stronger than before. I am resilient, I am capable, and I will come out stronger than before. I am resilient, I am capable, and I will come out stronger than before.

I am resilient.

I am capable.

I will come out stronger than before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment, review, leave kudos! I'd love some feedback!


	12. The Day Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *add a little spice*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next update Nov. 21st unless you can convince me to drop it early ;)

A knock on the door startles me and water splashes over the side of the tub. Fuck.

"Rose? Did you fall asleep?" Jin asks, knocking some more, "Rose, wake up! It's very dangerous to fall asleep in the tub!"

"I'm awake," I croak.

He tries to jiggle the handle and then huffs. "Why is the door locked?"

"Because I'm naked!" My legs feel like jelly and standing is very difficult.

Jin's voice is louder this time, "What if something happened? How would I get to you?"

I put on a robe and pull my hair up into a towel, "I guess you would've had to break down the door." I respond with just as much malice.

Why is he mad that I locked the door? Yeah, I'm in his room but aren't I allowed some privacy while bathing?

I pull open the door, fully prepared to fight about the locked door, but his face stops me. His eyes are big and watery and full lips tremble.

Jin pulls me into a hug, "I was worried, I'm sorry."

I'm flush against his body, but I try not to let it get to me. "What were you worried about?"

He tucks my head under his chin, which is hard with my towel on but he manages it. "You weren't responding, I was worried you had...attempted to..."

"Oh..." I mumble. He thought I had tried to drown myself. "Yesterday was bad, yes, but I'm not trying to off myself. I fell asleep, your bathtub is too comfy for my own good." I joke, trying to lighten the mood.

His hand cups the back of my head, and my head is now squished to his chest. I can feel the rapid beating of his heart, his fear evident in its pace.

"What time is it?" I murmur into his chest, my cheeks crushed.

Jin releases me, "It's lunchtime." His face is now in a full-blown smile. Get dressed and come down for lunch, I made something special.

My nose scrunches at the thought of having to put the same pair of underwear on that I wore yesterday. I try to go back into the bathroom to grab my clothes but he stops me.

"Hoseok had some clothes dropped off for you so you would feel more comfortable."

"That's so sweet of him, I'll thank him when I see him." My facelifts into a smile in what feels like forever.

Jin moves to leave, "I'll let you get dressed," but I stop him.

"Am I allowed to close the door?" I mockingly ask.

He just flicks my forehead in response and then shuts the door behind him.

When Jin said Hobi had clothes dropped off for me, I thought he meant that someone had gone to my apartment and brought back some of my clothes. But when I turn to Jin's bed I find a bag from a very famous Korean clothing brand, a store I've been too afraid to go into because I knew I would love the clothes but be unable to afford them. Why temp myself? I didn't think Hobi had a clothing store drop off clothing.

Inside the bag is a pale gray velour tracksuit, and a white t-shirt. All in my size, he must be a great guesser of size. I take them out to admire the cloth, so soft and smooth. Putting it on will feel like gliding over ice. I have a brief moment of relief when I see that he remembered to request to get underwear, but then I see what I'm given. A black satin lacy thong, barely more than a strip of fabric to cover anything. Nothing like the underwear I usually wear which are cotton briefs. I'm more of a comfort over style kind of girl when it comes to underwear. The craziest thing of all is the bra inside the bag is exactly my size. There is no way Hobi could have known that, I didn't take off my bra until I took a bath and I had the door locked!

The bra makes a matching set with the underwear, it's satin with no padding, only underwire to hold the shape. It looks uncomfortable but it feels smooth like butter. The whole outfit feels like heaven on my skin.

So this is how the other half lives. Like kings, like queens. I towel dry my hair as best I can since I can't find a hairdryer in his room. When I open the door to leave, the scent of savory spices greets me. Rosemary, butter, chives, onions, garlic, all blend together in a mouthwatering aroma.

"Smells delish," I say, greeting Jin with a smile.

He turns from the stove to face me, a "kiss the chef" apron on. "I would hope so, it's my specialty."

He bends down and taps on his cheek when I don't understand the points to his apron, and I go on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek.

"Using your apron for a kiss," Yoongi drawls, coming in from another part of the house, "That's cheating."

Jin simply puts his arm around my waist, holding me to him with one hand while he cooks veggies with the other.

"Jealousy is very unbecoming Min Yoongi." His hyung tsks.

Yoongi comes up behind me, wrapping his arms over my shoulders and bring his nose to the back of my neck. He inhales, "you smell divine." He growls out.

Jin tries to shirk him off but Yoongi holds on tight. I'm stuck in an idol sandwich.

"Don't break her," Tae interjects, entering the kitchen, "I've grown to like this one."

Jin and Yoongi both pull away, and I look over my shoulder at the tan man. He's seated at one of the bar stools his chin resting on his folded hands, his elbows pushed forward on the table. His eyes are molten but he isn't making eye contact, his gaze strays much lower.

"Ya!" Yoongi snarls, hitting him in the head with a dishtowel. He mutters something I can't hear, but Tae winks at him.

Hoseok comes trotting down the stairs, a spring in the boy's steps. "Oh!" he startles, "The clothes fit wonderfully, do you like them?"

"Yes!" I say, eager to thank him. "They are so comfortable, thank you so much, please let me pay you back for them."

"Seeing your ass in those pants is worth every cent," Taehyung smirks, peering around me to get another glimpse of my butt.

Yoongi smacks him again, "You little shit! What did I just say?!"

The younger boy puts his hands out in defense, "Don't pretend like you didn't already admire her!"

Hoseok ignores them, "Don't worry about it, I know the owner of the company and the store manager owes me a favor." He winks at me and then heads towards the other part of the lower level.

I try to pretend like they all weren't talking about my body and turn to Jin asking what's for lunch. His cheeks are a little pink, from the heat of the stove or embarrassment for his friends I'm not sure, but he clears his throat before speaking.

"Sautéed vegetables with rice and beef strips. I marinated the beef in a special sauce so I hope you like it. It's almost ready, we're just waiting on the rice to finish." He turns off the heat on the veggies and beef and starts piling them onto shareable plates, not looking me in the eye.

The vibes are off.

When I turn back to Tae and Yoongi, both are seated at the big dining table their eyes on their respective phones.

Phones. Phones!

I turn to Yoongi, "When you guys came to the bar last night to get me, did you find my work phone or purse? Or did I lose those" I'm so fucked if I lost my work phone if any of those contacts get leaked...

"Yeah, I got your stuff from coat check, I think it still might be in my room," Tae ponders, thinking.

"You came too?" I ask, incredulous that he would have participated in my rescue after I literally blackmailed him into good behavior.

"Of course I did," Tae says, nonchalantly, "Wouldn't miss out on an opportunity to go to a bar."

Yoongi scoffs at Tae's words, but looks at me and brings me peace about my work phone. "The phone you were holding is plugged in by my bed, I should have given it to you when you went to shower."

"No, it's okay, as long as I didn't lose it." I sit back in the chair, relieved that I have one less thing to worry about for my review. I cannot even imagine what would have happened if I had lost my work phone.

"Lunch!" Jin shouts as he brings food over to the table. The smell making my mouth water.

The rest of the members file into the dining room. Jimin and Namjoon sit next to each other, naturally. Hoseok takes the seat next to Tae, with Yoongi next to me, Jin takes my other side and Jungkook comes in last and takes the open seat next to Namjoon.

"Aw, I wanted to sit next to noona," The youngest pouts.

"Then you should have come down the first time I called," Jin says, serving up everyone's plates. 

The boys are quiet while we eat, the lack of sound during a meal as a sign that it is delicious.

I interrupt the silence with a question that's been nagging me since I woke up, "How were you guys planning to spend your day off?"

The silence from before echoes.

Hoseok swallows his mouthful of food before speaking, "Usually on our days off we rest, sometimes we schedule meetings with partners who can...um... help with our needs."

The other members don't say anything, Yoongi scratches his face and Jungkook flinches.

It takes me a second to understand.

"Oh...OH...Do—do you need me to schedule any for you?" The tour starts soon and it never crossed my mind about the boys and their...needs. I'm sure during the tour I'll get used to handling NDAs.

Jin just about chokes on his water, "No! No, we're fine." I thump him on the back to help his coughing fit.

"On tour, we will probably need your help with NDAs but when were home usually Richard does it for us. You should ask him about it though, NDA's for fans can be a little tricky," Tae says nonchalantly.

This time I almost choke, "You guys fuck your fans?"

Tae raises an eyebrow at me, "Um, yeah, obviously we fuck our fans."

"Isn't that kind of dangerous? How can you rely on them to adhere to the NDA and not brag to their friends?"

Hoseok answers, "As long as the media doesn't find out, it's not a huge deal. So many fans whom we haven't slept with claim to have slept with us so the rumors are endless no matter what, it's the facts that matter."

I can't help the white-hot jealousy that burns through me. There are fans out there that have signed a BTS NDA keeping them from revealing they slept with a member. My brain wants to explode. They have all probably slept with fans. It has my itching to check their list of NDAs again, but I know that is a gross breach of their privacy.

"Don't worry, we've always been very safe about the entire encounter," Namjoon consoles me.

I'm not sure what my face looks like or how long I zoned out, but his need to reassure me makes me think I must look concerned.

Jimin looks around the table nervously before speaking up, "Why don't we all watch a movie together? It will be one of our last chances to watch a movie all together before the tour." He stands up and rushed his plate over to the sink, and Namjoon gets up to follow him.

"That's a great idea, Jimin," he picks up Hoseok and Tae's empty plates too. "Rose why don't you pick a movie?"

I put my hands up in defense, "Nonono, it's one of your last times to watch together, you guys should pick, I'll watch whatever!" I pick up the rest of the plates, but Jin jumps up to help me and I wave him off, "You cooked, the least I can do is help clean."

"You're the guest," he protests.

"I'm the intruder," I counter and he makes a disgruntled sound and then heads to the living room with Namjoon and Jimin.

"I'll help you clean up noona," Jungkook says coming up behind me. He's grabbed the water glasses and the lingering silverware.

"You should go help pick the movie too, Kookie," I gently scold but he doesn't seem to care.

"I'm the youngest, I never get voting rights anyway."

We load the dishwasher in silence, the rest of the band in the living room bickering over what to watch.

"I'm so glad you get to come on tour with us, it will be nice to have an assistant who actually liked spending time with us."

I smile to myself, but try not to get my hopes up. "We don't know for sure if I'm coming with you yet, I still have my performance review."

"Blah, blah, blah, we all know you're going to ace it. You don't have anything to worry about."

The boys decided on watching an old Korean romcom called Seducing Mr. Perfect, something I've never seen before.

"You'll like it, it's a Korean classic." Hoseok declares.

I sit down on one of the ends of the big L shaped couch, wanting the boys to be able to sit together and pretend like I'm not here imposing on their day off. Some of the boys went to grab pillows and blankets for maximum comfort. Yoongi grows tired of the bickering and sits down next to me, ready for the movie to start already.

"I want to sit next to noona, you and Jin got to sit next to her during lunch." Jungkook protests.

Yoongi grimaces and scoots over, Jungkook immedicably taking his spot.

"You can share my blanket," he offers and I thank him, happy to be cozy and included.

The rest of the boys return, blankets and pillows in hand. Jin brought some of his plushies down from his bed and hands me a small cat pillow before sitting on the opposite side of the couch. I hug it to my body and thank him with a smile.

Seducing Mr. Perfect is about an American man who comes to work in Korea for a company and the woman who gets assigned to him to be his assistant. He doesn't speak fluent Korean, and she doesn't speak fluent English, but they both understand both languages. Both expressively annoyed with the other until suddenly, they aren't. Somewhere near the end, I must fall asleep...

~~

The room feels hot, so so hot, and so dark that I can't see what's in front of me. I spin around in a circle but the darkness encompasses the whole space and expands beyond where I can see. The endless black feeling like I'm trapped in a sauna.

"Hello?" I call out, growing scared the longer I stay in the dark alone.

"Rose," I hear a voice call out to me from a distance. Their voice is garbled and I can't determine if it's someone I recognize.

I move towards it, my fear of the never-ending dark urging me to find solace somewhere. I trip and fall, quickly getting back up and then start to run.

"Help!" I call out, looking back and feeling like the darkness is chasing me, gaining on me, and I have nowhere to hide.

"Rose!" The voice calls out again and I see a light glowing in the distance.

My feet slap against the floor and I sprint faster and faster my breath coming out in desperate pants. When I reach the light it blinds me, stunning me into immobility. I collapse on the ground my breath whooshing out of me as I desperately gulp in lungfuls of air. I feel the light fade in front of me and open my eyes to find someone crouching down in front of me.

Yoongi.

"Are you alright, jagi?" he asks, his voice sounding worried.

"No, I'm scared, Yoongi, help me," I'm shivering now.

He picks me up and carries to me a bed and I toss and turn uncomfortably. Yoongi is beside me and he brushes the hair away from my face.

"What's wrong?" he asks and I flinch at his body heat.

"I'm too hot," I moan, feeling the fabric of my clothes chafe at my skin.

"I'll help you," Yoongi says and then he's reaching for the hem of my shirt.

He takes it off without difficulty, my skin relishing in the cool air that greets me. But the relief is short-lived.

"Still too hot," I sob, my body shaking with the stress of the heat, sweat beading at my temples.

"Shh, shh, okay, let me help you," his fingers move to my pants and he rolls them down my legs the cold air deliciously stinging all the way down.

It's still not enough, the heat doesn't let up. I'm shaking the heat too centralized in my body it feels like I'm on fire and it's burning me down to my bones.

"Please, please, make it stop," I beg him, desperate to feel relief.

"I'll make it better," he promises in my ear and then I feel his fingers at the hem of my underwear.

The heat I felt all over centralizes to my core, the pain rippling in me. I cry out with displeasure at the new epicenter of the fire, but he whispers soothing words in my hair. When his fingers find my clit, I moan out in reprieve. His fingers circle it gently finding a steady rhythm and I feel my hips chase his fingers when they move. His hand disappears and I cry out in protest, but when it comes back his fingers are slick and my cries of protest turn to pleasure. My body trembles with the friction of his hand moving against me, and I can feel a rubber band deep inside me start to pull taut. I'm burning, burning, burning, and with his pace increasing I feel the fire burn fuller, brighter, and I fear it releasing and engulfing me in the flames. I try to squirm away but his other hand holds me down.

"No, no, please," I plea, afraid of the fire that will surely snap any moment now. "Yoongi..."

His fingers push harder against my skin and I mewl out my satisfaction with his adjustment.

"Rose..." he murmurs and I feel my body shaking.

~

"Rose!" Someone yells, shaking me, and then I'm jolted awake.

I'm tangled in a blanket and against a body that is giving off heat like a furnace. I twist and turn until I'm free of both and feel my body hit the ground.

"Rose are you okay?" Jungkook asks, his face popping into view above my head.

"Huh?" I'm disoriented. My body still burning and the ache between my legs is so uncomfortable I can barely bear it.

"Are you hurt? You were moaning like you're in pain,"

I try to sit up, but I have to steady myself with the couch, vertigo gripping me like a vice.

I put my head between my knees and murmur, "Bad dream," and hope he'll let it go. Lifting my head, I find six pairs of eyes staring at me, but it's only the ones coming from a blonde headed man that makes my body jolt.

The movie is paused on a karaoke scene, the main character seeming to be embarrassing herself. I can relate.

I can't believe I almost orgasmed in front of BTS.

My cheeks are so red, I can feel it. I excuse myself to the bathroom and head to the upstairs one.

Once I close and lock the door I splash some water on my face and then sit on the edge of the tub, my head in my hands. My almost orgasm is still pulsing painfully through my body and I'm weak with the dilemma of waiting for it to dissipate or finishing it off. I close my eyes and think about the dream but when I try and remember it my head replaces Yoongi's head with Jungkook's and then Jin's and back again. Each boy's face flashes behind my eyes, my body shaking with the choices. Dirty dreams about all of them...

A knock on the door startles my deliberation.

"Rose?" Yoongi calls from the other side of the door, "Is something wrong?"

I pull the door open to reassure him, but the look in his eyes stops me. He pushes his way into the room, closes the door, and locks us in.

"I—I'm fine, really, Yoongi, I promise." I stammer, stepping back until my legs hit the lip of the tub.

I can't look at him, the dream is so fresh that the sight of him brings it all back to the font of my mind.

"What was your dream about?" He asks, closing in on my space.

"It was dark and scary and so warm I thought my skin would burn off." I rub my arms, the velour fabric feeling scratchy to my sensitive hands.

"Was anyone there with you?"

I can't look at him when I answer, "No." I lie.

"Don't lie to me."

His accurate accusation makes my eyes snap to his.

"You said my name," he crowds me now, "You moaned my name. I was there in your dream, Rose. Tell me about your dream."

"I—I can't..." I whisper. My face burns and my eyes stare at the freckle on his neck just below his ear.

"What was I doing in your dream?" His hand reaches up under my chin, forcing my eyes to meet his. I try to squirm away but his other hand stills me as it grabs my hip. "Was I touching you in your dream?"

My breath wooshes out of me, my body giving out on me, and I sit on the edge of the tub to keep myself from falling. Yoongi moves with me, kneeling in from of me so he's still eye level with me, one arm still on my hip and the other holding my chin.

"Where was I touching you in your dream?"

I want to hide. I move to put my head in my hands but he doesn't let me. This is humiliating, how can he guess so accurately? Is my face that much of an open book?

"Was I touching you here?" he asks his thumb on my hip starting to rub circles into the fabric of my shirt. He pauses and moves the shirt aside and then continues with his thumb against my skin. "How about here?" The hand holding my chin moves to my shoulder and slowly slides down to the base of my spine. The movement makes my body shiver and I close my eyes.

Both hands disappear from my skin and then reappear at my knees slowly making way to the tops of my thighs. "What about here?" he asks as his thumb grazes my slit through my pants.

My knees clench shut around his finger and air hisses from my lips. He refuses to let me hide for even one second, his other hand grabs one of my knees forcing my legs open. His thumb grazes my clit and I clench around nothing. My pulse in my core pounds in sync with my heartbeat and I want to cry out from my need. My hands smack on the edge of the tub, my head thrown back in desire as unshed tears prick my eyes.

"Yoongi..." I pant out, desperate for friction but afraid to ask for more.

He pulls my knees forward so my butt is barely on the edge, pulling my pants down in one swift motion.

"Fuck," he groans out, and my eyes snap to his.

"What? What's wrong?" Panic making my heart beat faster.

"Have you been wearing these panties all day?" He growls out, his finger moving under the fabric.

I keen when he brushes my naked flesh, but nod a confirmation to his question. His teeth tugged on his bottom lip, pulling the tight skin from pink to red. He groans again, moving the fabric to the side, and brushes his thumb against my bare clit.

The feeling electrifies me.

I haven't been touched in months, years, ages, and my body rocks forward with the feeling. His finger pulls back and I snap my eyes to his but then I see him suck on the digit with his mouth, his eyes meeting mine. The image is erotic and my body chafes with the need for release. When his wet finger meets my center I tremble with need.

"Please, please..." I beg, just like in my dream.

Finally, he complies and brushes his wet thumb against my bundle of nerves and I gasp. The feeling of his cold saliva against my burning flesh feels like the cooling of magma.

"I touched you here..." he circles my clit, "how about here?" and he moves his fingers to my opening.

"Yes!" I hiss, the sound barely coming out of my mouth.

He takes this as permission to plunge a finger inside of me.

My body has been slick with desire since my dream and his finger glides in with ease, he pumps it a few times and then adds a second.

My breath comes out in short pants and his pace matches my breathing. When I start to hold my breath he adds a third finger and the stretch feels heavenly. My body quaking with the new sensation.

"You know what the 'D' is Agust D stands for?" he asks, his fingers reaching a punishing pace. "Daddy," he smirks, and my orgasm hits me like I'm pushed into a freefall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the love of god someone pls leave a comment so I know what you guys like and don't like


	13. The Review

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapters are a lot longer than what I've normally been doing, hope that's okay! Nanowrimo wordcount is forcing my hand.

“How would you rate your attention to the client from one to ten?” Richard asks me, his eyes downcast at the paper in front of him.

“Nine. I think I do a great job, but I also think that there is always room for improvement.”

I fold my hands in front of me on the table, a polite but serious look on my face. I spent the entire ride over to BHE clearing my head of yesterday and the events that transpired. Besides a few minor transgressions, I am a terrific assistant. I constantly anticipate the client’s needs (and I’ll ignore the fact how they do that for me as well) and I bring organization and stability to their everyday life.

“How would you rate your ability to remain confidential as it pertains to their celebrity status?”

“I think I do that to the best of my ability. I have not spoken about having this job to anyone except my mother, and I was permitted to do so in regard to their world tour.”

Richard ticks a box in the appropriate area and moves on, “How do you think the members could fare without you?”

“The boys are very independent. I think they would do just fine without an assistant in their lives. Having an assistant isn’t about what they could not do without them, but what freedom and time it gives them when having one.”

He scribbles some notes down and hums his agreement.

“Have you been adhering to the rules and regulations given to you when you first accepted this position?”

I’ve anticipated this question. My spine straightens, and my eyes do not break eye contact. I clear my head of all the things that could give me away. I took extra care in my makeup this morning, using a liquid foundation instead of powder; all the better to hide my flushing face.

“Breaking any of those rules would be vastly unprofessional and I like to hold myself to the highest standard when following rules. I am so grateful for this job I would never do anything to jeopardize it.”

Liar, liar, LIAR. My brain screams at me, but my resilience holds strong.

“How have you prepared yourself for going on a world tour?”

This question throws me off guard for a second.

“I’ll be honest...I haven’t really prepared for the world tour in any specific way. I don’t have a roommate or any pets, so there isn’t much to worry about in that aspect. As long as I pack appropriately, I think I would be ready to leave as soon as needed.”

Richard writes some notes in the margins of his papers and then closes the folder.

“Thank you for all your honest and well thought out answers today, Rose. After compiling the reviews from the members and cross-referencing them with your score today, we will let you know the outcome of your performance review.” He smiles politely at me and heads out the door.

I wait for a beat and then collapse my posture.

My neck hurts from holding it up and my back aches from having such perfect posture, even my mouth feels sore from the demure smile I kept in place. I’m such a fucking fake, a fucking fraud. Here I am acting as the model employee when I’ve broken the most cardinal rule. If I was a better person I would have told the truth. If I was a better person I would have let them fire me and back my bags and head home. But I’m not a better person, I’m just a girl. A girl who is desperately trying to run from her past. I’ll be honest about something else too, I don’t want to get fired because I don’t want to stop being around the boys. I’ve only worked here for a couple of weeks but I feel like I have become an integral part of their everyday lives, and they have for me too. What would have happened to me at that bar if I hadn’t called Namjoon? If they hadn’t come and take care of everything. Sure Hyuna and Emilee would have helped, they already helped so much that night, but the idols hold more power in the world. They have the ability to make things happen, things that normal people just can't do without a lot of effort. Having them in my life makes me feel safe and protected for one of the first times in my life and I just can’t give it up. But that closeness comes with a cost...

“What should I do, Hyuna?” I came down to the main lobby to see her during her break, I haven’t seen her since that night.

“I don’t think there is anything wrong with them helping you, I think that just shows how much they care and respect you. Which is good in a working relationship.”

She knows the boys came to help me because she was there when they arrived, but their helping me back at their place is something new that I just told her about. I left out all the incriminating parts...

“You just have to remember that their needs and wants have to come first. It’s great that they are there for you when you need it, but you catering to their needs has to outweigh their help. A ratio needs to be kept in place. One help for you after like, I don’t know, four times you help them.”

The words she’s saying makes sense but my brain doesn’t want to understand. It’s true that I needed their help that night, but I don’t want to get too comfortable and rely on them too much. I was hired to assist them, not the other way around.

“I don’t think it’s fair to rely on them for help. It was nice that they helped me, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t want to be this burden that they feel obligated to help out periodically. I was hired to make their lives easier, end of the story. There is no I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine in this working relationship.”

Hyuna sips her lavender oat milk latte, thinking.

“If that’s how you want it to be then that’s fine, but I don’t want you to go on the world tour thinking that you’re alone. They are there with you and can help you when you need it. You don’t have to be a pillar of marble all the time, it’s okay to need help sometimes. I don’t know what Emilee and I would have done if they didn’t show up and take over. Jumping on that guy’s back is one thing, but getting him arrested and a doctor to check you out so soon was truly amazing.” She reaches over from across the table and takes my hand. “I’m just so glad that you’re okay, and that they were there to take care of you when you needed it most.”

I give her a tight-lipped smile, using my other hand to stir my iced latte with my straw. It’s still really hard for me to talk about what happened, if I think about it too much I feel like I'll slide back into a place I don’t want to go.

I give her a big hug when our breaks are over, thankful to have her as a friend. Even if she didn’t barge into the situation and fix everything the way the boys did, she still helped me so much that night and I'll always be grateful for that.

I still feel like such a fraud though. Even talking to one of my closest friends since moving here I still have to lie to her. There is this whole other problem eating me alive and I can't talk to anyone about it. Well, there is one person I could talk to about it but I already decided to pretend like it didn’t happen and that would go back on that decision.

After coming down from one of the most intense orgasms I've ever had, we both went back downstairs and pretended as nothing happened. We all finished watching the movie and afterwards I excused myself and went home. I haven’t talked to Yoongi since. It’s only been a day but it already feels like I’m hiding from them. I’ve been spending a lot of time on the floor Emilee works on instead of on the BTS floor. And when Hyuna had her break, I decided to take mine with her instead of spending it with the boys.

What I’m really afraid of is that Yoongi told them what happened in the bathroom. Acting like it never happened would be so much easier if I only had to fake it for one person. Yoongi didn’t give anything away while we all watched the movie, so I assume he wants to keep our little tryst to himself.

Tryst. No! It wasn’t some hot little dirty moment we shared, it was a breach of contract. I broke the most cardinal rule and now I'm potentially going to go on tour with them. I can't have my cake and eat it too, the other shoe has to drop. And until it does, I don’t think I’ll be able to take a full breath. For all I know, Yoongi had his fill of me and is now going to give me a bad review in the hopes of getting a new assistant. A new female assistant he can play with. My stomach lurches at the thought, at both Yoongi being so cruel when I know him not to be but also at the idea of him finding me so easily replaceable. What he did doesn’t have to be considered a hookup, it can just be...two friends. One friend generously helping another friend out when they needed it most. I wish I could just ask him about it, ask him why he did it or what we’re supposed to do about it now. But bringing it up would just bring more problems. Like how I would need to talk to him alone, and how would I get him alone without the others seeing or wondering why. And if I did get him alone what would I even say?

Hey Yoongi, thanks for the orgasm, where does this leave us now?

No. My energy needs to be focused on my review. I just had it but the final verdict hasn’t been given. Best not to worry about a problem I might not even need to fix if I'm getting fired in a couple of days.

When I can no longer avoid going to the top floor, I wave goodbye to Emilee and head up to the BTS level. I have some updated contracts I printed out for Richard that he needed for some concert venue staff. We can bring a stage crew with us for the whole tour, but each new location has its own set of people working behind the scenes and we want to make sure the rules are cut and dry so there won't be able mistakes or miscommunications.

“Here are those contracts you needed,” I place them on an empty spot on his desk and he mutters a thank you, not looking up from his computer. His cell rings and he picks it up, motioning for me to leave with a wave of the back of his hand.

The boys are somewhere doing a costume fitting, and I try to sneak around without being seen. I can probably hide in one of the practice rooms until it’s time to leave...

“There you are, I’ve been looking all over for you,” Taehyung calls out from behind me.

I freeze, caught, and then spin around giving him my best fake smile.

“Is there something you need? You know I’m only a phone call away.” I wave the phone at him.

He looks at me like I’ve grown a second head. “Why would I call you when you could just as easily ignore it. Come on, we need a woman’s opinion on something.” He turns on his heel and stalks away, presuming I'll follow him like a dog. Which I guess is fair because I do. I follow him to one of the mirrored practice rooms that has been set up to act as a fitting room. A changing divider is cornered against one wall and racks and racks of clothing expand across the floor, sequins, and velvets poking out from all sides.

Jimin is on a makeshift platform having a pair of pants pinned for hemming. Hoseok is asleep on a stack of dance mats, his arm flung over his eyes to block out the light. Namjoon is with a stylist trying on an array of shoes, from loafers to sneakers and back again.

Jungkook pokes his head above a rack of jackets, “Noona! There you are, we need your help with something!” He trips over the leg of a rack on his way over to Tae and me.

“What's up, Kookie?”

“Well, it’s about our outfits, Jin thinks they look okay but Yoongi thinks that they look too much like...well you should see for yourself.”

“Hyungs, I found Rose! Come out and show her!” Tae yells and startles Hobi from his slumber.

“Ya!” Hoseok grunts from underneath his elbow, “There’s no need to yell. Can't you see I'm napping? Respect your elder!”

Both younger boys offer a muttered apology but the rest of the exchange is lost to me when I see Jin and Yoongi emerge from the changing divider.

They both have all-black outfits. The taller man in tight black pants with a sequin stripe up the side of each leg and a sheer black button-up shirt. He has what looks like a dress shirt vest on over the sheer shirt, but the vest is made entirely out of black leather. The leather is distressed and it makes the high-class outfit look more rugged, even more so right now with his bare feet. I don’t think I've ever seen any of the boys barefoot before... the image is jarring and also so intimate. The younger man is wearing similar pants but his have more of a straight leg than the other, the sides of his pants have a strip of velvet. But it’s his shirt that takes me aback. The shirt is made entirely out of small buckles of leather, the strips so small it gives the body plenty of freedom and breathing room but also sewn together so delicately that it looks like they could break apart at any moment. With every movement, he makes little slits of his skin are exposed. Both of them have leather cuffs on their wrists and Jin has one wrapped around his neck...

My mouth feels really dry when I try to swallow.

“W—what’s the problem with the outfits?”

Tae speaks up. “Jin likes them but Yoongi thinks they look too much like something out of a BDSM magazine. For this tour, we are going for an edgier look but we also don’t want to go too far and look like we’re extras in a kink porno.”

I can’t help but cough. “So what do you need my opinion on?” I ask, still not sure why I’ve been summoned.

Yoongi makes a noise like he's frustrated with me, “We need a woman’s opinion on whether these outfits look edgy or if they look too erotic for our fans.”

I look to my left and find that most of the crew here doing the fitting are women. “There are plenty of women here, I don’t know why you think I should make the decision—”

“—These women designed these clothes so they already have a bias. We need an outside opinion.” Jin interrupts me.

I sigh, stuck. I guess it’s best to honest...

“The outfits are pretty intense on their own. I’d take off the accessories, they look too similar to kink toys. Let the clothes speak from themselves.” I’m not sure my makeup is thick enough to cover the blush blooming on my cheeks.

I can feel the eyes boring into the side of my face and the word “Daddy” rattles through my chest. Don’t look at him.

“Ya! How do you know what kink toys look like?” Tae asks, his eyes practically bulging out of his head.

“Don’t ask her that!” Jungkook slaps his arm.

One of the designers comes over to me, her finger resting on her pursed lips.

“Yes, yes, I can see that now. The accessories bring the illusion to a different level and that’s not the story we’re trying to tell.” She says, and a younger-looking woman goes up to the boys and unbuckles the cuffs and necklace.

Jin rubs at his neck where the leather band used to be, the bite of the leather uncomfortable or too tight I'm not sure. When he takes his hand away there isn’t a mark for any indication.

“Can I keep them?” he asks, turning to the older designer, “They don’t work for the tour but they are well-made pieces and I’d like them for my personal wardrobe.”

My eyes widen and Yoongi gives a small laugh as he heads behind the changing barrier.

“Of course!” The designer gushes, “I’d love for you to keep whatever you like. You wearing my clothing as streetwear is the best advertising money could buy.”

I need to leave before I pass out from all this black leather. Looking at my bias and bias wrecker in outfits like that is enough imagery to pack my spank bank for eternity.

“Well if that’s all then I’ll just—” I turn to go but Namjoon stops me.

“Wait, Rose! We need you to get fitted as well.”

That stops me. “What? Why?”

“You’ll be attending the red carpet event with us for the BHE yearly gala.”

I’ve been so focused on not getting fired that I completely forgot about having to attend. I didn’t even think I’d make it to next week...

“Oh, I don’t need a fitting. I haven’t even gotten the final results from my review. If I pass I can always just wear something of mine I have at home—”

Namjoon rolls his eyes, “You’re going to pass. And even if you don’t, think of this dress as a parting gift then.”

A woman comes up behind me and steers me to another changing divider and I have don’t another chance to protest. Hanging up against the wall is the most beautiful dress I've ever seen. The bodice is a sweetheart cut made of soft silk looking fabric, the dress then cinches at the waist and flares out in a skirt made of layers and layers of delicate chiffon. With my height, the dress looks like it will hit me a couple of inches above my knees. The color of the dress stuns me, it’s not a color fit for an assistant. It’s not a bubble bath pale pink, or background black, no. This stunning dress is a bright shade of candy apple red.

I can picture it in my mind's eye. Me in the dress, a matching shade of lipstick on my lips, and my hair was done up in a ballerinas chignon. I feel beautiful and powerful, with the boys by my side.

The designer helps me into the dress, zipping and hooking it so it holds me in. “Hm, it fits perfectly,” she says, looking at me in the dress. She bends down to help me into some heels, black ones with red soles.

“They are a little large,” I tell her, lifting my feet in and out of the shoe.

“Before you go into the event we can stuff the heel with tissue, it will keep your heels from rubbing and will make them more comfortable.” She tells me like it’s the most normal thing in the world.

“Oh, okay...” I mumble out as she helps me get the dress off. Learning about idols and stars have to do on a regular basis in order to be comfortable is jarring no matter how I think about it. putting this dress on and parading into this event feels like breaking the threshold from team staff to walking amongst the idols.

Coming out from behind the partition I ask, “Does everyone get this dressed up for the gala?”

The boys exchange a few glances before Hoseok speaks up. “Everyone dresses up, yes. Does everyone get to wear designer clothes tailored to their measurements perfectly? No. This outfit is for you as much as it is for us. You work for us and are therefore an extension of us. I'm sure whichever dress you were thinking about wearing would have looked lovely on you, but it wouldn’t have been able to compare to how ravishing you’ll look in what I picked out.”

“You picked it out?” The shock on my face must be evident because he laughs.

“I picked out the clothes from the other day too,” Hoseok’s mouth curves into a slow grin, “All of them.” And then he winks.

The underwear. That means he picked out the tracksuit and the underwear. I can hear Yoongi’s teeth grind from across the room.

“Hobi picked out the dress but I picked the color,” Jin interjects, “I thought the color would look lovely on you, especially when you blush.”

“Any more red with that outfit and I’ll start to look like a tomato.”

“You could never look anything but beautiful, noona,” Jungkook mumbles out.

All of their attention on me is starting to make me feel dizzy. I look around, worried about what the designers and costume mistresses are thinking after hearing the boys flatter me, but none of them seem to be even listening. Maybe they aren't actually listening, or maybe they are just good at their job.

“Well...I’m glad I could help you with my opinions and thank you all again for getting me a dress for the gala. If you need anything else just call me, I have some things to do for Richard so I should...” I motion with my thumb to the door and close it before anyone can ask me for something else, but not before I see the look in Yoongi’s eyes. The intensity of the sends a shiver down my spine, but then I feel my phone buzz in my hand. A text message.

Yoongi: We need to talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls leave comments, they really help me feel motivated to write!


	14. The Rehearsal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy thanksgiving? that's my excuse for wanting to post this early lol

I was successfully able to avoid being alone with Yoongi for almost twenty-four hours but I knew my time would run out. My only saving grace is that by his reaction to Hobi's revelation that he picked out all my clothes I can infer that Yoongi did not tell the rest of the boys about what happened in the bathroom. I haven't responded to his text message. I finished the rest of my day of work, went home, and come back to work, and still have yet to respond to him.

Part of it is because I don't know what to say and the other part is that I am a coward. I tend to run away than face my problems head-on. But since I moved across the country after a bad breakup and I assume that it's pretty obvious by now. I don't want to lose this job and have to go home and deal with the problem I came here to avoid, and by acknowledging Yoongi's text message that is acknowledging that I broke a major rule. A fireable offense you could say. So I made the cowardly decision that I wouldn't deal with it until I get my review back. I'd rather rick the heat of a bad review from the rapper than have to face the music before I absolutely have to.

Thankfully, I don't have to dodge him long enough before I get news about my performance review. Were at a nearby area working with the set for the first time. I'm seated down below the stage in the crowd section next to Richard, he's going over contracts for various crew members and I'm taking notes for the choreographer.

"Jungkook, you need to come more downstage." The choreographer, Minho, is a man in his forties who is slightly balding and who used to be a kpop star a few decades back. He loves to wear leopard print and use a megaphone even when it is unnecessary. Like right now.

"Rose, bring me the formation layout. Something doesn't look right," he yells into the megaphone and reaches his hand back towards me without even looking.

I fumble to find it in the folder and then rush to bring it up to him before he turns that megaphone onto me personally.

"Ah, Tae you and Namjoon need to switch." He looks back at the paper then back at the boys, "There, perfect."

I go to grab the paper before he drops it on the floor only for it to never be seen again.

"Take it from the top!" he yells, and the lights dim before the track starts over.

"I'm so sorry but it's fake love," Jin sings twisting from his corner position to take center.

The way the lights hit his face highlight every beautiful inch of him. How could I ever forget that this man is an angel in human form? He's so captivating without even trying.

"Cut!" Minho screeches, and the track stops, the boys taking in deep breaths. "Jimin, I know it's a lot of stages to cover in such a short amount of time but I really need you to get there in two counts, you're like one-tenth of a second too slow."

The boy nods, breathing deep, his cheeks tinged pink.

Namjoon looks over at him, a worry line carved into his forehead. "Why don't we take a break?"

Minho sighs, but then picks up the megaphone, "Everyone takes ten!" and then he disappears over to the craft services table.

The stage lights blink off and the boys sigh and sit down in relief, take the side stairs and bring them all some water.

"You're doing great, Jimin," I say as I hand him his water.

"No, I'm not. I'm too slow," he mutters.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, the size of this stage is a lot bigger than what you guys have been practicing on. You'll get it, you always do."

He nods his head, but I don't think he believes me. Jimin is the most self-critical in the group by far. Jungkook and Jin not far behind.

"Rose? Did you book the limo for all nine of us yet?" Richard calls to me from below the stage.

"Yes, I booked a ten-person limo just in case. I didn't want everyone to be crowded together before they walk the red carpet."

"Perfect. Make sure to take the first seat all the way in the back, I'll be the first person out to open the door, but I want you to take the end and make sure we don't leave anything inside."

"Got it." My heart pauses for a second, I'm almost too afraid to ask my question, but I go for it anyway. "Does—does that mean I'm coming with you? That I passed my review?"

He looks up at me confused, "Yes, of course, you're coming. You're coming to the gala and the tour with us. Didn't Geoffrey call you?"

My eyes widen, my head shaking frantically.

Richard sighs frustratedly and then pivots on his heel, putting his phone to his ear.

"Way to go, noona!" Jungkook cheers, lifting me up and spinning me in a circle.

"We all gave you great reviews," Namjoon says, slapping me on the back when Jungkook puts me down.

My eyes snap to Taehyung, "Yes, Rose, even I gave you a good review. You may be a pain in my ass but I do enjoy looking at yours."

I take an extra water bottle in my hand and thunk him on the head.

"Ya!" he grumbles, "It's not too late, I can take my nice review back!" he threatens emptily.

Jin comes over and kisses me on the forehead and then bends down to whisper in my ear, "I can't wait to have you come on tour with us."

I try not to let it show how his comment affected me on my face. "Thank you, I'm excited too. I haven't done a lot of traveling before and getting to see so many places is a dream come true. Especially getting to do it with you."

He raises his eyebrows at my comment and then I realize what I just said.

"I mean! I-I-I—meant, all of you! It will be so amazing getting to work with all of you while on tour."

Jin just laughs his windshield wiper laugh and walks away.

"Yes," Yoongi drawls from his sitting position on the stage. "We're all so grateful to have our loyal, trustworthy, fantastic assistant going on tour with us. If only she could learn to reply back to a text message."

I try to laugh it off but his narrowed eyes don't falter. I'm dead, done for. Yoongi is the type of person that if he has a grudge he holds it forever.

Hoseok saves me from Yoongi's glare by picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder.

"Our assistant is officially our assistant! She passed, she passed, she passed!" He yells running around the stage. His words are so simple but they mean so much to me. It's the truth, my title is official.

"Hey!" Minho yells from the megaphone, "No messing around, the last thing we want is any of you to get injured before the tour starts."

Hobi puts me down immediately, embarrassed by being chastised by his mentor. As the lead dancer, he takes the words of Minho very seriously. I would never want to jeopardize that so I scamper back down to the floor and take my seat, Richard is still on the phone with someone.

"From the top!" Minho yells, and it's like nothing ever happened.

With the news of passing my performance review, I open my email app on my phone hoping to find some sort of evaluation form that I can look over but there isn't any. Dammit.

"Sorry about that," Richard says, sitting back down in his chair, "Geoffrey is in over his head with preparations for the gala he forgot to give you a call about your review. You'll be getting a 15% raise now that you're officially on our staff which should help compensate for any expenses from the tour. I'll have his assistant email you the eval form so you can get some feedback. But please know we are very happy with your work thus far and look forward to taking you on tour."

So I will get to know what the other thought of me. Do I dare even look? "Thank you, Richard, I won't let you down."

This might be the first time I called him by his first name to his face, and it brings a small smile to his face before he dives back into some paperwork.

The rest of the day consists of the boys going over all their blocking for the dance numbers and where they should be on stage during the entire show. They run into many logistical problems, one of them being some scaffolding that isn't up to code. One of the pop-up chambers the boys are supposed to use isn't working, and the backup can't be located. All in all, the boys did a great job. They worked really hard. Jimin finally nailed the timing on Fake Love and Namjoon nailed the footwork for Mic Drop. The stage manager barks at the members of the crew on our way out, he's unhappy with how all of the problems with the set make him look. But this is why we have dress rehearsals, it would be a disaster if a live show went the way it did today.

In the car on the way back to Big Hit, I'm stuffed in what I now call my resident spot; in the corner in the very back. Today I have Jimin and Namjoon next to me with Tae squished on my opposite side and I can see the envy in Joonie's eyes when Jimin falls asleep on my shoulder. I give him a look like 'what can ya do?' but it doesn't stop the pout across his face. I'm sure he'll play it up when they get home until Jimin coddles him, which is what he really wants.

Yoongi is sitting directly in front of me and when he leans his head against the window I can see the way his eyes dart over to me before he closes them. I internally sigh, now that the review is over I'm going to have to deal with this. Better to get it over with and not let it fester like a wound. I can already see how distant he is being and I don't want to lose him over one measly little orgasm, one measly little thing that both of us probably regret. Me for breaking the rules and embarrassing myself, and him for giving in to my stupid dream. He wants to talk about it, I can tell it's bothering him like an unknown splinter. But I don't know how to approach him without it looks suspicious. He wants to do it over text, but I cannot bear to have an electronic trail...

Wanting to save me over prioritizing him makes me feel vile, but I have to think about the dynamic. I'm a nobody who got this job by the skin of her teeth, he's an international superstar at the height of his career. I have more to lose if the company finds out, he has more to lose if the world finds out.

I glance over at Jimin to make sure he's still sleeping and pull up Yoongi's text.

Me: I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to you. The stress of the review was all my brain had space for. I agree that we should talk but in person. Let me know what works best for you.

I send it and tuck my phone under my thigh. The sound of his phone buzzing feels like it echoes through my body, but he's asleep and he doesn't notice. I'm safe for now. If anyone looks at our text thread they would see what I hope is an appropriate conversation between employee and employer. But I've already made my bed, I'm going to have to sleep in it no matter what happens. Whether my comeuppance is his ire or being fired, I don't look forward to either. Hopefully, once the tour starts they won't fire me in the midst of it, finding a new one on such short notice would be too difficult. That's the only hope I have to look forward to.

"Rose," Richard calls from the passenger seat, "I emailed you the packing list for the boys. Can you go home with them and make sure they have everything they need? If they don't have something I want to be able to get it before we leave so we're not running around like chickens with our heads cut off looking for something."

"Of course," I reply, a demure smile plastered to my face.

Just when I thought I was safe for a second from all of the problems that lay before me, here I am thrust right back into the lion's den.

"Great!" Tae says, "I hate packing on my own and I would love for Rose to have to go get anything that I am in dire need of. Condoms, foot cream, compression shorts—"

"I'm sending Rose to help you for the betterment of the group, not for you to send her on useless tasks. If you need something personal, you can get it yourself." Richard barks and I feel grateful for him having my back for once. Perks of being an official employee I guess.

At the house, I give the boys orders like a drill sergeant.

"Please do a preliminary packing job and then we will go over what Richard put on the list." I head over to the printer to give the boys each a paper copy. "And let's do this quickly, we've all had a long day."

I go over and grab the lists I emailed to the printer and when I turn around I expect to find all of the boys gone and headed to their room. But one of them is still downstairs and not the one I'd have thought it to be.

"Can you help me with packing?" Jin asks to lean against the banister.

I give him a look, "As the eldest, I would think you would be the most equipped to do this by yourself, but sure. Let's pack."

We head up to his room and he pulls a huge hard-shell suitcase out of his closet. Pink, like his mic.

"I'll do clothes, you do toiletries." He nods and heads into his bathroom.

I open his drawers and pack him a week's worth of pajamas, we can always wash things on the road but it's good to have enough clothes for the foreseeable future. I fold in some t-shirts, jeans, a few pairs of shorts, and his warm coat. We'll most likely be in Australia during their winter months. All of his fancy clothes will be brought by the wardrobe mistress and the rest of her team so we don't have to worry about making room for those.

Jin comes back out with a giant armful of skincare, haircare, and dental hygiene products.

I give a low whistle, "Wow, pretty rough to be an idol and have to have perfect hair and skin all the time."

He blows a hair that's fallen into his eyes out of his face, "Tell me about it."

I refold some of his clothes to make room for his products.

"So," I muse aloud, "Why did you need help packing?"

"Oh, I didn't, I just wanted to spend more time with you," He zips his packing cubes into place, and then digs around, looking for something. "Did you pack underwear already?"

I double blush, "No, I thought you could do underwear and socks."

"Noonaaa!" Jungkook calls from the hallway, "What am I supposed to do if some of the clothes I want to pack are dirty?"

Jin rolls his eyes, "You better go help him or we'll be here all night."

I nod and scramble to get to my feet.

"Kookie, if the clothes are dirty you can just pack them anyway for now. This is just to make sure you have all the basic things you need for the tour before—"

\---

After everyone has finished their "packing" I have them open their doors and walk down the hallways giving each boy a copy of the list Richard gave me.

"Everyone read over the list and think about what you packed and let me know if there is something you're missing and I can get it for you."

Jungkook raises his hand almost immediately, "I need a refill on my vitamins," he skims the list with his finger, "And shoe inserts for pain relief."

I pull out my phone and open a new list tab, writing down his needs.

Jimin needs more hair gel and a smaller foam roller for his back. Namjoon recommends getting a new first-aid kit since he's not sure what the bus will have, I remind him that we'll have a themed team with us but he doesn't want to take any chances. Hoseok asks for more floss picks and socks, his preference being Nike so I'll have to make sure go get them in disguise lest a picture starts drama with Fila. Jin needs more lip balm and razors. Tae asks for a special pillow for his bunk and new fuzzy slippers. I look over to Yoongi but he has his chin tucked down to his neck looking over the list.

"Yoongs, do you need anything?"

His head snaps up at the nickname and I internally curse myself for letting it slip.

"Will you be sleeping on the bus with us?" is all he asks.

"Um...—I haven't talked to Richard about specifics." I gulped trying to get moisture to my throat. "What did your last assistant do?"

"He was on the bus with us," Yoongi replies, and I turn to see Namjoon grind his teeth, his tongue rolling to his cheek.

"Well... I'm not sure that...I'm not sure I'll be allowed to with the rules..."

"The rules? What rules are you referring to?" He asks innocently, his head tilted to the side.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"Um—you know... the ones about fraternization with you guys outside an employee and employer setting—"

"—I think we've all broken that rule haven't we?" he gestures around to his fellow bandmates and they all nod. Some paying more attention than others.

"Well, I'm also a girl so—"

"Are you saying you're afraid to spend long periods of time with us alone?"

Namjoon looks hurt by Yoongi's question. "Rose, you know we would never hurt you... I thought after the other night you knew that..."

I wave my hands in front of my trying to dispel his fears, "No, no, no, of course I'm not afraid of you guys. I trust you so much! You were there for me when I needed someone most and I'm so so grateful for you. I hope I can one day return the favor if needed."

Yoongi has looked unperturbed during this entire exchange. "So then what are you worried about?" He leans back on his hands his eyes meeting mine with a fierce intensity.

What am I supposed to say? I can't tell them that staying with them on a tour bus would be like a dream come true, but also that being that close to them would also make me crazy. The good kind of crazy, the kind that makes you dizzy with happiness and drunk on your luck. But I can't tell them that, that would give me away as a fan of theirs. And what I'm really afraid of is that... after crossing the line with Yoongi already it would be only too easy to do it again in such close proximity. But admitting that I'm afraid of getting fired would be more questions about why I'm afraid. It's an endless circle back to hooking up, a word that grossly over exaggerates what happened, and I can't let the others know about it...

"Nothing, you're right. Bunking with you guys on the bus would be very fun."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls pls pls comment and tell me what you think! kudos are also very much appreciated


	15. The Gala

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~spice~ coming your way!

I really wasn't planning on ignoring Yoongi for another day, but it just kind of happened. After I agreed to stay on the bus with them, I left and went to buy everything they needed for the tour, we left in a couple of days and I didn't want to wait too long and not be able to find them something. I paid on my own card and Richard told me he reimbursed me from the company, which I sure hope happens fast because I have yet to receive my first paycheck and money is a little tight, but that's not important.

What is important to note is that after I left their place I got a text from Yoongi telling me that he didn't care when but he wanted to talk before the gala. And I agreed, that sounded reasonable! The gala was days away, of course, we would find time somewhere to hash out this awkward tension that we've been having since our...meeting. What I didn't expect is to not see the boys for days while running around doing errands for Geoffrey because he was very behind schedule for the gala and his assistant was outto sit. Which is how I found myself showing up to the boy's house with Richard to pick them up, not ready because I was unable to grab my dress from the designers, and not having talked to Yoongi. I texted and apologized and told him it wasn't on purpose, but the look on his face when Richard and I arrive tells me all I need to know.

He's pissed, and I'm in trouble.

"Rose! There you are! Quick! We need to get your hair and makeup done before we put you in the dress!" Gina, one of the makeup artists says to be right when I walk in, leading me over to one of the makeshift makeup stations in the dining room.

"Well, I actually already did my hair and makeup—" I try to tell her, but she doesn't hear me. Gina is already coming at my face with a makeup wipe and someone else is pulling the bobby pins out of my chignon that I spent a whole hour trying to pin up myself.

Someone tries to take my shirt off and I shriek, "Hey! Stop!" and bat their hands away.

"I'm just putting you in a makeup smock so we won't have to pull your shirt over your head with hair and make-up done." Syd, one of the stylist's voice I recognize tells me, but I still fidget. Afraid that someone will see me just in my bra...

"No one is over here don't worry." She reassures me, and I let go.

I open my eyes while she takes it off to look around to make sure she was telling me the truth but the minute the top is over my head Gina is yelling at me.

"Eyes closed! I'll tell you when to open them," and I obey.

I wasn't expecting to have my hair and makeup done so I didn't arrive super early. I told Richard all I needed was to put the dress and shoes on and I would be good to go and now I look like a liar. I hope that this doesn't make us late...

"Eyes up!" Gina tells me and mine snap open, hoping my response time will move this whole thing along.

I can feel my hair being brushed and then twisted and braided into intricate pieces and then I start to feel pins sticking things into place. Gina is putting concealer under my eyes and I almost want to tell her not to bother, that my purple patches under my eyes never seem to fade no matter what I do, but I don't want to slow the process down. Then she starts putting foundation on and I can feel someone put some sort of pins in my hair that make a clinking noise when they touch. I feel a second hand start doing my eye shadow and I flinch at the unprepared hand.

"No moving!" Gina hisses, and another hand starts applying something sticky to my lips.

Now I understand those photos of models falling asleep in their makeup chairs. If you can't move or open your eyes, let alone any deep breaths it's so easy to lull yourself into some form of sleep. I find myself almost in a meditative space, there but not one hundred percent. By the time I'm socked back into my body and handed a mirror, I can hardly believe my eyes. The face that looks back looks like me, but different. Brighter, shinier, more awake. I guess that's the power of professional hair and makeup.

"Up! Up!" Gina insists, dragging me up, "We have to get the dress on!"

Several hands come at me at once and I fear they are going to change me into the dress right in the middle of the living room, but most of the bodies create a crescent around me, blocking me from view. I thank my lucky stars I remembered to wear my strapless bra. They pull a pair of spanks up my thighs and I feel all the jiggly parts of my body sucked into place.

"Hey!" I blanche when someone puts their hands on my breasts.

"I'm taping them up," she says and goes back to lifting and contorting my boobs that one of my nipples almost falls out of my bra.

I get that they are trying to help, but I didn't sign up to be handled like a dress-up doll.

"Five-minute warning!" I hear Richard yell from somewhere in the house and I start to panic.

"Are we going to be done in time?" I ask aloud to no one in particular.

No one answers me, it's like they haven't even heard me. Everyone continues to fix me up. My only way to know anyone heard is the scoff someone gives. But my arms are lifted and the dress is dropped over my head. I would think that now I have the dress on I'm done, but now all the taping and checking goes into overdrive trying to make sure the dress hangs right.

"Don't any of you need to be helping the boys? I'm not the top priority—"

"—We are on strict instructions to be on your wardrobe and makeup team." Gina interrupts, and that shuts me up. My mind whirls.

Why would anyone have given instructions to take care of me? I'm not an idol, I'm just there for the background...

Gina moves down to my feet and lifts each one into the shoes I tried on back at the office. They are still too big but once I have both feet in the shoes she stuffs tissue in the gap between the edge of the shoe and my ankle. She puts a piece of invisible tape on the back of my ankle which I assume is to make sure I don't get a blister.

Jeez, this is a lot to take in. I can't wait for this to be over and for the tour to start so I can go back to being a figure moving in the dark like a cog in a machine.

A low whistle draws my eyes up to the opening of the room and I find Jin smiling at me.

"You look ravishing in red, Rose," he says walking towards me. "But I have the finishing touch."

He hands Gina a small square little blue box and inside is the most beautiful black pearl hanging on the end of a delicate gold chain. Gina hands it to the girl who is behind me and she fastens it, the pearl hitting the hollow of my throat. It shines in the light and I reach up and put my hand over it in awe.

"It's beautiful..." I whisper out, not meeting his eyes.

"It's a gift from all of us, we wanted to congratulate you on becoming a fully-fledged assistant."

A little gasp falls out of my mouth, "You—You mean I get to keep this?" I ask in disbelief, surely this was just to be worn for the event...

His head tilts and his brow furrows, "Of course you get to keep it, you get to keep everything you wear tonight."

I'm shocked. I never thought I would get to keep anything except the dress, but only because Hobi said they had it made for me. But to get to keep the shoes and the necklace as well...

"No, that's too much, I couldn't possibly accept all—" but I don't get to finish my sentence.

"We have to leave now, everyone to the limo please!" Richard shouts out.

I stumble the first few steps in the shoes, not used to how high they are and how it feels to walk in shoes that are too big. I have to clench my toes to get the shoes to stay on, something I've never had to do before. Once I get the hang of it, I rush out to the car since Richard asked me to be in the very back. I didn't even bother to bring a purse with me, only my work phone is clutched in my hand like a vice. My dress has so many layers that I try to contain them as I get in the car, not wanting to flash anyone as I bend over to practically crawl to the back of the limo.

There's a short pause before anyone else comes in, someone must be lagging behind. But then Yoongi's head appears in the door and I gulp. We were supposed to have our chat before the gala and we didn't. It's all my fault and I have to deal with the consequences. And the consequences are apparently having to sit next to him in the limo.

"Yoongi, I—" I try to start but he doesn't let me.

"I don't want to hear it," He takes the seat next to me, but he doesn't look at me when he talks, "Not now."

All I can do is nod, and then the rest of the boys are filing into the car followed by Richard, and then we're off.

"Wow, noona, you look so beautiful," Jungkook breathes out from right across from me.

Richard looks up from his phone and he does a double-take, it's like he's seeing me for the first time. "Why...yes. You look lovely, Rose." He agrees.

"Thank you," I nod to the both of them and then go back to trying to blend in with the wall.

Hoseok is laughing with Tae and then both give each other a high five before Hobi declares that it's time to pop some champagne. Jungkook smiles and claps his hands as Tae hands him a glass. Jin reaches his hand out and Tae gives him one too.

"Just not too much before we get there," Richard cautions, "I don't want your paparazzi pictures having you looking drunk."

"Us? Getting too drunk?" Tae asks mockingly, a wicked smile on his face, "We would never."

Hobi pops the cork and Richard rolls his eyes. Glasses are passed and filled and somehow one ends up in my hands.

"Oh, no, I shouldn't, I'm working—"

"Lighten up, Rose, no one likes a stick in the mud," Yoongi says, pushing the glass back into my hand, and then downs his in one quick gulp.

Namjoon hits his arm playfully, "Take it slow man, there will be plenty at the venue."

"I'm fine. And we all know who the one is who can't handle his liquor." Yoongi says, pouring himself another glass.

Namjoon eyebrows knit together like he doesn't understand Yoongi's grumpy attitude. He looks over to me but I just shrug, taking a sip of my own drink. Jimin squeezes his hand and he turns back to his lover, giving the smaller man a light kiss on his hair as not to mess up either of their makeup.

This is going to be a long night.

I open my mouth to say that champagne isn't liquor but decide against it. Yoongi is already in a bad mood because of me and I don't want to make things worse.

The car pulls up to the gate of Big Hit and we're waved through, and when we stop before the flashing lights and the red carpet Yoongi grabs my glass and swallows the rest of it.

Richard gets out to open the door and the boys start piling out. Jungkook exits first and screams from fans and paparazzi start to echo in the car. Tae is next to leave followed by Hobi, both met with just as much fever and excitement as the others. Jin exits next, and I can't stop myself from looking at his ass as he steps out of the car. I look around to see if the other three boys saw but I seem to be in the clear as Jimin steps out of the car. But I hear Yoongi scoff as he scoots down the seats towards the doors.

Before Namjoon gets out he turns back and smiles at Yoongi, "Keep your shit together," He says between his unmoving teeth, his mouth still keeping the shape of a smile just in case any of the paps can get a shot. I look to Yoongi as a smirk opens across his face and he gives his leader a thumbs up.

I'm the last to get out of the limo, looking around to make sure no one forgot anything. Once out of the car I look around to find Richard but I can't see him over the crowd. But I do spot a blonde head poking out and I just know it's Yoongi, so I follow him. When I reach the red carpet I head to follow the boys onto the walkway but someone stops me.

"Staff goes behind the wall," a man with a headset motions with his thumb to the back of the backdrop wall the idols take pictures against.

"Oh, thank you," I say to him but he's not paying attention, his fingers pressed to the mouthpiece of his headset with his eyes unfocused.

Red carpet etiquette would have been something to research on before this, but too late now. I look over at the boys, all posturing with either smile or sexy smolders on their faces. I don't see Richard so I assume he went to the back...

"Rose!" I hear and I peek back over the wall. It's Jin and he's beckoning to me.

I motioned with my thumbs that I think I'm supposed to go around the back, but he beckons to me more adamantly this time. Maybe he needs something...

With the headset guy gone, I go over to Jin. The lights of the cameras are blinding and I have to resist the urge to move my hand in front of my face to block it.

"Is something wrong? Do you need something?" I ask when I get to him, hovering just off to the side so I'm not in the shot. But he grabs my arm and moves us in line with the rest of the group.

"This is Rose Sinclair and she's our new assistant. She'll be going on tour with us obviously and will be seen with us very often. Please don't start any rumors about her, she takes such good care of us." And then he gives me a little shove in towards the center of the group.

I stumble and then straighten up, the flashing of the cameras and the shouting of those behind the cameras making me more aware of what I look like and how I act.

Namjoon detaches from the rest of the boys and brings me into the grouping. "Please no dating rumors about her, you guys try that every time and it just makes our assistants want to quit. And we need her for the tour," he laughs and the paps join in.

I put my hands in front of me and bow, thanking the media because honestly, I'm not sure what else to do. I move out of the grouping and head off to the side in front of them so I can move along with them but Yoongi grabs my wrist and pulls me back into him.

He brings his hand up to cover his mouth as he brings it to my ear, "You're in so much trouble, little girl. We were supposed to talk about me playing with your little cunt before this event and now look where we are." My eyes dart to the cameras, afraid of them hearing but knowing they can't since I can barely hear Yoongi and he's speaking directly into my ear. "Now be a good little girl for Daddy and nod and pretend to make a phone call." And then he steps back into the grouping.

I pull away and step off to the side, several paces away so he can't grab me over again, and put my phone to my ear. I face away from the cameras so they can't see I'm not speaking to anyone. Instead what I'm doing is freaking the fuck out. The champagne went to his head. What else could possess him to bring up our dark secret in front of the media on a silver platter? I look to the other side of the carpet and see a couple of solo artists ahead taking pictures and fight the urge to make a run for it. And then I see Richard at the very end of the carpet looking directly at me like 'what the fuck are you doing?' and I don't have any explanation for him except to just shrug and motion to the boys and then spin around to face them again.

Nowhere is safe, no matter which direction I face I look at the fact that I'm so incredibly and entirely fucked. Yoongi is growing bolder and this lie we're keeping seems to be growing bigger by the second with each breath I take and don't fix it and honestly, I don't know how to fix it.

We finally make it to the end of the red carpet, with me leading a few feet in front of them the rest of the way when Richard pulls Namjoon to the side.

"What was that all about?" he asks, looking back and forth from me and Joonie.

Namjoon shrugs, unshaken by Richards interrogation. "She's going to be traveling with us, it's best to get it out in the open that she's our assistant before dating rumors spark, and then we have to deal with the backlash from that."

Richard purses his lips. "Next time, consult me before you do something like that. I need to have time to give the PR team advanced warning. We're a team, we make these decisions together."

Namjoon just crosses his arms, "We did make this decision together, all seven of us. We just made it without you."

I scoot away, pretending I didn't hear that, and move over to Tae and fiddle with his bow tie.

"My bow tie is fine, what are you doing?" he whispers to me and I just shush him as my answer. I pretend to fix nonexistent fly-away hairs and when I look at his eyes he's staring down. What is he looking at? I look down to see his eye line and find his line of sight leads to him staring down my dress.

I swat his chest with the back of my hand, "Don't be gross."

His eyes move sky high, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Our table is this way," Richard says, so I assume they are done bickering, but I keep my distance just in case. I don't want it to look like I conspired with the boys.

We head to the back of the first floor and enter the normally empty ballroom. But tonight it has been magically transformed to look like a Gala. Circular tables are dispersed across the floor, the white linen table cloths looking stark against the black chiffon tied in bows against the chairs. The glass bowls filled with shimmering water and lit tealights floating on top gleam in the low lighting of the room. Red flower petals are strewn all over the floor to look like they have been haphazardly thrown, but I know better because I saw the intern who painstakingly plucked every single petal off the bud and set them just so on the floor only to now be trampled. Hard work is meant to be seen and enjoyed and then destroyed, I guess.

I lean into Jimin who has strayed to the back of the group, "I tied about fifty of those chair bows yesterday."

"They look lovely, Rose," he praises and I feel my cheeks go pink.

Richard leads us to a table with only eight chairs and I panic thinking I'll have to find somewhere else to sit but then he motions for me to come to him.

"Rose, I'll be sitting at a table with the other managers so I'm trusting you to watch over the boys and make sure they don't do anything stupid." He glances over at the idols who are already seating themselves at the table. "Watch out for Yoongi, I think he's already on his way to being drunk." I nod, and then he's off.

We're seated towards the front of the tables of idols, mostly due to the success of the group but also because we fill a whole table. Richard is seated in the front but at one of the side tables, that's off to the side of the small stage. Across the entire back wall is a silent auction full of prizes worth hundreds of dollars with plenty of people to bid on them. The rest of the tables behind the idols are all high paying guests who wanted to have the opportunity to attend, but also important shareholders in the company and their wives who bought tables to show off to their friends. The money raised tonight from the silent auction will go towards one of the many charities that Big Hit funds.

I take the only remaining seat left, the chair between Hoseok and Namjoon. Yoongi is sitting directly across from me and is only partially obstructed by the centerpiece, Jin is seated to his right, and Jungkook to his left. Jimin is next to Jungkook who is in turn next to Namjoon. Which leaves Tae between Jin and Hoseok.

"Joon, are any of the attendees allowed to come up to you guys for pictures tonight?" I ask. I'm worried that it will happen and I'm supposed to stop it.

"They've been told not to approach the idols but who knows if people will listen to the rules." He replies, shrugging, and turning to Jimin.

"Rose, what did we submit for the silent auction?" Hobi asks me.

"Um..." I try to remember what Richard had me submit, "I think it was a professional private photoshoot with you guys. The highest bidder getting five shots or something like that."

He nods his head, "Hm, that's a lot better than last year."

"What did you guys submit last year?" I ask.

Tae is the one who answers, "Two VIP tickets to any of our concerts of their choosing."

I tilt my head, "I think that's still pretty cool..."

"Yeah but this one lets them meet us and spend time with us, the other one was basically just free tickets."

A waiter comes over to take our drink order and I remind everyone about not getting too drunk but no one listens. Yoongi orders tequila shots and raises an eyebrow at me like he's daring me to protest. I don't. I ask for a glass of red wine and think about the wine staining my teeth and lips and then opt for more champagne.

"I'm going to look at the silent auction items." Jin declares and Jungkook stands to go with him. I move to go with him, but then worry if I should stay here instead...

Namjoon decides for me, "Stay with us and give your feet a rest, Rose. I saw the way you were stumbling your way across the red carpet."

I check the time on my phone, dinner won't be for another hour or so. I settle back into my chair and sip my champagne. Yoongi takes his shots alone, and since the two people next to him are gone, it looks a little sad.

"Yoongi, why don't you give one of those to me?" I say, motioning for the third shot on the table with my outstretched hand.

He sighs but reaches across the table to hand it to me trying his best not to spill it. I grab it and then set it down by my champagne flute.

"You're not going to take it?" he asks incredulously.

"No, I wasn't planning on it..."

He starts to get up, "Then give it back, let's not waste it—"

I down it, gaging at the bitter taste, and then reach for the salt shaker at the table and shake some directly into my mouth. Some of it doesn't go into my mouth and I feel the grains stick to my face.

"Well, that was graceful," Tae laughs sardonically, and I stand.

"I'm just going to clean myself off," and I head to the bathroom.

On my way back to the table, Jin stops me.

"Rose, can you go upstairs and grab an extra pair of my shoes? These ones are hurting my feet." He asks, his hand rubbing at the back of his ankle.

"Yes of course," I agree, and head to the elevators. I dust the salt off my face in the reflection of the metal elevator.

Up on the top floor, I head to the coat closet, but I can't find any extra pair of shoes. Only house slippers, which I do not think he wants me to bring to him for the rest of the event. There are a few jackets and hats and I also find a scarf of mine that I hadn't been able to find when I wanted to wear it the other day. I head to the main area and check around the couches thinking maybe he kicked them off randomly and then left them there, but no luck on that either. I'm peaking under the couch when I hear the ding of the elevator.

I look up and see Jin walking towards me, he must have realized his shoes are hard to find. "Hey, I'm having trouble finding them, do you remember where you put—" but I'm cut off by him pulling me up from the floor and his lips meeting mine.

For a few seconds, I don't know what to do. My bias is kissing me, just rings in my brain. But when his hands grab my lower back and the other reaches up to the back of my neck, I snap. My lips detach from his for a second, my mouth letting out a small gasp of pleasure and then I'm grabbing the lapels of his jacket and pulling him closer. My body feels like it's vibrating. When his hand on my neck grips tighter on the sides, restricting my airflow, I feel my knees get weak in want. He sucks my lower lip between his two plump lips and I claw my fingers into the nape of his neck, curling my fingers in his hair. It's feather-soft, just like I always thought it would be. Before he releases his lips he bites my bottom lips and I moan.

"You like it when Oppa does that, hmm?"

I feel my knees go weak and then he releases my neck letting the blood rush back to my body. I try to bring his lips back to mine but he scoops me up by my knees and carries me bridal style to a practice room. One arm under my knees and one supporting my back with my head tucked between his neck. I can't reach his lips but I kiss his neck, moving up and down until I settle and suck on his pulse point. I can feel the vibrations in this throat from the growl he releases out.

He sets me down on the floor and then I'm pushed against a wall. Even in my high heels he still towers over me and it makes me feel small and delicate, a feeling I'm not normally used to thinking of myself as.

His eyes bore into mine and then he leans down to whisper in my ear, "You look delectable in that dress, I just couldn't help myself." And then he's kissing me again.

Kissing Jin feels like diving into fresh cold water. A dam has burst in my chest and I don't know how I'll ever be able to put it back together. He moves his lips down to my neck and my head falls sideways to give him better access. When I open my eyes I find myself staring back. He brought us to one of the practice rooms with a mirror. I can see myself feeling everything he does to me. The way his lips make me weak and the way his tongue darting out to soothe the flesh he nipped at makes my cheeks burn.

"Do you like watching Oppa devour you?" he growls in my ear, his eyes looking at me in the mirror, and I nod; biting my lip.

His hands start to caress my thighs over my dress I worry about my spanks, what happens if he finds them, how we'd get rid of them without it being awkward—

His phone rings and at first, he doesn't touch it and brings his lips back to mine. But when it rings a second time, he sighs and picks it up.

"Yeah?" He answers and then steps away from me.

I can't believe I was worried about how we were going to take my spanks off... stupid, stupid, stupid. Without his body up against me, I feel cold and I start to shiver. I start patting around looking for my phone when I remember I set it down on the coffee table because this dress doesn't have pockets. I look over to Jin but he has his back to me and is speaking in hushed tones so I slip out the door to find my phone.

It's sitting on the table and when I pick it up I find a couple of missed calls. One from Namjoon and one from Yoongi. I bite my lip and press the call back button for Namjoon because I'm a coward.

He picks up immediately, "Where are you?" he asks, his voice thick with some emotion. Worry or suspicion, I can't tell.

"I was cold so I came up to grab an extra jacket from the closet and Jin asked me to grab his extra pair of shoes, but I can't find them." I go to the closet to grab a zip-up to corroborate my story.

There's a pause on the line and then he asks, "Is that why Jin came up after you?"

God, we look so suspicious. "Yeah, I think he realized he sent me on a fool's errand. We're about to head back down, do any of you want anything while I'm up here?"

I can hear the sound of clapping coming from the background and it's a second before he responds. If he's waiting for the sound to die down or thinking of what to say next, I can't tell.

"No, just hurry back," he responds and then hangs up.

Jin comes out of the training room just as I'm hanging up.

"Who was that?" he asks.

"Namjoon," I reply and then gesture to him, "Who was that?"

"Yoongi."

The name makes me visibly flinch.

"Are you okay?" he asks coming towards me.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I assure him and walk over to the closet to get some slippers. "Namjoon just wants us to come back down, dinner is almost served." I hand him the slippers and press the call button for the elevator.

Jin puts his hand on my lower back, "I'll ask you again, are you okay?" his voice at my neck makes me shiver.

His breath gives me goosebumps and I shake, "Yes, I'm fine. Just nervous about being caught."

The elevator dings and we step in.

"Don't worry, Rose. Everything will be fine." He leans in to kiss me and I dodge.

He gives me a confused look, "What's wrong?"

"Camera," I hiss, and jerk my head up.

He scoffs, "No one is going to check it," and leans in again and I dodge once more.

"There is a Gala going on, of course, security is going to be watching the cameras." I wrap the jacket around my shoulders, "I also have a lot more to lose than you."

The elevator dings and we're at the lobby again, I walk out and leave him behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to update every week but the chapters are ready so I might as well post them! Hope you liked it! Comments and kudos are much appreciated.


	16. The Gala Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is some Jin smut in honor of his birthday!

When I get back to the table the others can tell something is wrong, my anger is most likely written all over my face. I just don’t understand why Jin could be so careless. But then again, he’s an idol. His job isn’t at stake if we got caught, it would just be another fucking day in the life of a superstar, getting any girl he wants whenever he wants however he wants. I feel stupid for thinking I was special for even a second, if anything I'm just convenient.

“What’s wrong with you?” Tae asks, his eyes suspicious.

I’ve beaten Jin to the table by sheer for of will even with his much longer legs, but when he makes it back to the table I reply so he can hear.

“Jin doesn’t have extra shoes upstairs, but I looked all over the floor before he came up to tell me.” I sit back down in my seat, the hoodie slipping off my shoulder for a second before I pull it back up, “I brought an extra pair of slippers if anyone wants them, if not then I'm going to use them. These heels are killing me.” No matter all the precautions Gina took to try to prevent foot pain it doesn’t account for the fact that I don’t wear heels all that often and my feet aren't used to contorting to this shape.

By the time we’re all one eating dinner, I think we’re almost done and then we can go home. But then the speeches start. I let out a deep sigh, feeling so frustrated with all the eyes I seem to meet any way I look. The boys are like a comet striking through a sky full of stars in this room and everyone can't help but look. But it’s exhausting feeling like you’re being watched at all times like you can’t slouch or spill food or even itch your nose without being worried someone will see or take a photograph. I can't imagine having this be my life 24/7 and I really don’t know how they do it. So I ask.

“How do you guys deal with being the center of attention all the time? Doesn’t it get exhausting?” I fight the urge to slouch in my seat and instead zip the sweatshirt up so I don’t have to worry about any unflattering pictures or nip slips. Not that my nipples are even visible to slip but, ce la vie.

“You get used to it after a while and it becomes normal like background noise. We’ve just sort of conditioned ourselves to always be “On” when we’re in public.”

I sigh, “I can’t wait to go back to being in the background. This outfit is too conspicuous, I look like one of your dates, not your assistant.” I toss back the rest of my champagne and grimace as it’s gone flat.

“Do you put out on a first date?” Tae asks, his eyebrows wiggling.

I open my mouth to give Taehyung a piece of my mind, but Yoongi slaps his palm on the table and startles me.

“What have I said about the inappropriate jokes?” Yoongi growls to Tae, his cheeks flushed from drink.

Tae just laughs, unconcerned by his warning. “Rose doesn’t mind.” He says breezily, turning to me, “Do you, Rose?”

“For now, but you better watch out. One too many sex jokes at my expense and you just might find yourself with a punch to the dick.” I motion to a waiter for more champagne and he replenishes my glace.

When he walks away Tae just gives me a smirk, “Is that a threat or a promise?” I want to tell him where he can shove that question but my reply is washed out by the sound of clapping.

Geoffrey’s voice rings throughout the speakers. “Thank you all so much for coming and for your generous donations. You can pick up your silent auction baskets in the back.” Everyone claps again and I bend down to put on my shoes again. “And please feel free to take an extra piece of cake home with you, we have far too many leftovers for the employee fridge.” That gets him a little laugh and I wonder if he really meant it.

Just as we’re all getting up, a waiter puts down two more shots in front of Yoongi and he licks his lips before taking one after the other. Too fast for any of us to intervene.

“Yoongi,” his Hyung scolds, “You were doing so well, now you’re going to be belligerent soon.”

The man just shrugs, “Haven’t I earned it after the week we had?” everyone tries not to look at me.

“Don’t worry, boys, I’ll handle it. You guys took care of me when I was a lot worse. I’m sure I can handle a drunk Yoongi.” I move over to wrap his arm around my shoulder, trying to take some of his weight off his feet so he doesn’t stumble. Doing this in high heels is going to be a lot harder, and I opt to put the slippers back on and carrying my heels in my other hand. Yoongi takes this as an opportunity to slip out of my grip and stumbles forward into an empty chair.

The boys instinctively huddle in close, trying to block him from the view of prying eyes.

“You’re making a scene,” I hiss at him trying to get him to put his arm around me again.

“You’re the one making a scene wearing that hoodie over your beautiful dress, you look like you hand a wardrobe malfunction.” He replies hotly but lets me help him walk.

I glance over my back and see Richard approaching us.

“I was cold, what would you have rather I done? Freeze to death in this A/C?”

He looks down on me with disdain in his eyes, “You should have asked me for my suit jacket.”

I sigh, whispering as Richard approaches us, “I work for you not the other way around, dummy.” He looks like he wants to reply, but he doesn’t say anything just continues to glare.

“How did everything go for you tonight?” Richard asks the boys and they all nod and attest to a good night. I try not to think about the kiss I shared with Jin and the fact that I am carrying the weight of a very drunk Yoongi even though he was expressly told not to get too drunk.

“Everyone did great except for old drunky here.” I motion to Yoongi.

Richard looks him over, “As long as he makes it to the limo without causing a scene I will live to see another day, and so will you.” He points at me.

“Oh he’ll keep it together, won't you Yoongi?” Namjoon claps him on the back and we stumble forward.

“Oh yes, no scene for me. I’ll be a perfect angel just like I always am Richie. Halo and everything.” He draws a circle around his head and lifts his mouth into a sneer.

Sheesh, alcohol makes him grumpy. “Keep your shit together, Daddy, or else,” I whisper to him and that seems to perk him right up. I let out a laugh as we head out to the limo.

Richard sees us to the door and gives us a wave goodbye.

“You’re not coming with us?” I ask him, shrugging Yoongi against a wall to keep him upright.

“My wife is picking me up, I’ll see you all tomorrow for another dress rehearsal.” And with that, he closes the door.

We’re heading back to their house, so I’ll have to call a car to take me home. I should have thought of having someone pick me up, but then I remember that I don’t have anyone to pick me up. Didn’t work long enough at the school to make friends and Emilee and Hyuna have their own ways of getting home tonight to worry about. I can't believe I didn’t even see them tonight. I guess I could have called a car to pick me up tonight at Big Hit, but with everyone leaving at once it would have been pretty hard. I just didn’t think about it. Didn’t think it would be a problem I would run into.

I sigh and flop back against the seat happy to finally be done with having to have good posture; I can already feel my mouth and back start to ache from the way I had to hold them tonight. I drop my heels onto the floor and stretch out my feet. With all the bodies in the car, the temperature feels sweltering and I unzip the jacket and lay it across my legs instead.

Jin is trying to catch my eye from across the car and I ignore him. Instead, I lean my head back and shut mine. It’s been a long night. From a tipsy Yoongi, kissing Jin, to then supporting a drunk and grumpy Yoongi. I’m excited for the full night of sleep I’m sure I'll get tonight. These boys will be the death of me.

Yoongi rolls from the position I set him into props his head on top of mine. “Hey, find your own pillow,” I grumble out like the grouch I feel like.

But he doesn’t. Instead, he reaches his hand under the fluff of my dress and starts stroking my thigh. My eyes snap open and I turn my head to look at him but he moves so his head doesn’t fall into mine.

“Ya!” he grunts out, “Why are you being so mean, jagi?” he asks, wrapping his left arm around me so he blocks my body with his and then lays his head back down.

With more coverage, his hand moves to the top of my thigh and makes a frustrated noise when he realizes Gina put me in spanks. But that doesn’t deter him. His fingers press up to my heat and find my clit before making slow circles as not to make too much motion.

I try to stay as still as possible. I can't believe he’s doing this in the limo with the others here! Part of me wants to push him off and the other part wants to clutch him closer.

“Yoongi, stop using her as a mattress pad,” Hobi calls from the other side of the car, and I wave him off.

“Just let him sleep,” I whisper, hoping he’ll play along so the boys don’t get suspicious.

I try to wiggle away from his fingers, the fabric that rubs against my sensitive skin feels like it's bursting into flames. I ache for skin to skin like last time, his fingers wet with my arousal. The harder he presses the wetter I get and it takes everything in me not to moan.

“You’re so wet, jagi,” he whispers to me, “I love that I can feel how wet you are.”

He’s right, I'm soaking through my spanks. I try to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth to control my breathing. What I want to be doing is gulping in heavy pants and grabbing his hair. I want his lips to touch my clit and work it with his teeth.

“Yoongi,” I hiss, “I need more,” I can feel the flush rise up my cheeks. I can't believe how brazen I’m being. It must be all the champagne.

“Just wait, baby, we’re almost home.” He fake yawns like he’s tired but I can tell he’s wide awake like me.

We just need to get home and he can rip this dress and these spanks off and finally touch me.

His pace is so steady, his fingers going round and round I feel like I'm head is spinning with each rotation. I let out a little squeak but try to play it off like it’s a cough, but Yoongi understands.

“Like this?” he asks and I nod before I remember the motion brings the other to look at me.

“Are you okay, Rose?” Hoseok asks, his brow quirked quizzically.

“N-never better,” I breathe out. I would be a terrible actress, I’m not convincing him at all. “Just tired.”

We reach the gate of their neighborhood and Yoongi picks up his pace. He’s as relentless as he can be without the others noticing. I don’t want to admit it but I like that at any minute they could discover what we’re doing. I bite my lip and try not to make any noises but I can feel my orgasm coming like a train before it arrives. It’s rumbling inside of me and I stop breathing. Just as I’m about to climax, I meet Jin’s eyes from across the limo and I know he knows what’s going on. He’s mad. I swallow my scream and close my eyes, trying to enjoy every second of pure pleasure.

The car stops in front of the house and the boys start to get out. I’m still reeling from my high, my head tipped back against my seat. Yoongi sits up and starts to leave and when I open my eyes I find Jin still in the car tying his shoe. I know he saw Yoongi’s hand come out from under my dress.

Yoongi gets out of the car like nothing has transpired, but gives Jin a questioning look when he gets out. I think he’s about to get out too, but he closes the door.

“So that’s why you are so easy to brush me off, huh? Because you’re getting it from him?”

“Jin, no, that’s not—I can explain—”

He clicks the mic on that reaches the driver, “Can you park for a second? I need to talk to our assistant about some behavioral issues.” And then clicks the sound off again.

We both feel the car shut off, and then he’s on me before I can move.

He reaches up under my dress and I try to stop him, but he’s too quick, his hands reach out and rip the spanks in half leaving me bare. I shiver from the cold that greets me, the warmth from before completely gone.

I try again, “Jin, I’m sorry—” but he won't have any of it.

His fingers enter me without any warning. “Ahh,” I breathe out, my body so sensitive after already coming.

“You’re soaking,” he accuses in a growl and I feel my whole body flush.

His other hand grabs at my bodice, pulling it down until my breasts are exposed. He keeps pulling, gems raining onto the floor. “Stop, you’re going to break it—”

“I bought it, I can break it if I want to.” He growls and then he's kissing my breasts. His mouth roves over them and sucks a nipple into his mouth and then bites it. The sting feels heavenly. He kisses my other nipple and then moves to my lips. This kiss isn’t like the ones we had before. He tries to suck out my soul with his plump lips. They punish me with no breaks for air and I have to pull away and gasp for some but then he’s pulling me back for more. I can hear him fumbling with the button on his pants trying to get it undone one-handed but then I hear the rip of his zipper...

His fingers continue to work me with a hunger I’ve never felt before. He’s moving inside me with a come hither motion and it hits something inside me that I've never felt before. My body shakes with pleasure.

“Please,” I breathe out. I want him inside of me, I want to feel his anger punishing me.

“I don’t know, Rose, do you deserve a good fucking?” he asks, his voice sickeningly sweet.

I bite my lip and nod my head vigorously. “Yes...yes...”

“Yes, what?” he asks, his fingers pausing inside me.

I know what he wants, but I don’t want to say it and give him the satisfaction. “Yes, please?” I try, my lips twisting into a smile.

His hand reaches up and grasps my neck again, and I feel myself grow wetter. “I’ll ask you again. Yes, what, Rose?”

How am I to answer with his hand so tight around my throat? I pull on his hand and he releases some of his grip and I hiss my answer at him.

“Yes, Oppa.”

“Good girl.” He kisses my forehead and then he thrusts into me.

God, he’s big. The rumors are true. I smile to myself, but that just makes him squeeze tighter on my neck.

He moves us so we’re no longer laying against the seats and instead he has me straddle him while he’s sitting.

“Fuck,” I gasp out, he hits something deep inside of me that makes my walls clench around him and he lets out a broken gasp of his own.

I settle my weight to my knees so I can have a better balance to start riding him, but he won't let me. He removes his hand from my neck and I gasp for air as his hands grab my hips and move me back and forth on top of his dick. Even when he’s not on top he has to be in control.

I move my lips to his neck and bite his pulse point and then soothe the spot with my tongue, “You like to be in control?” I ask, my fingers tightening in his hair.

“I’m always in control, jagi. Just you wait and see.”

He thrusts up into me and I feel tears prick my eyes. It’s so intense, more than anything I’ve ever felt before, ever had before. “Shit, ugh, do that again,” I beg before I can think better of it.

“Hmm?” he asks, mocking in every sound of his words.

“Do that again, please, Oppa.” I rush out, desperate for that feeling again.

He thrusts up again into me and hits my g spot every time. I can feel tears dripping down my face, his thrusts merciless now. I feel myself grow slicker and slicker and then I'm shaking.

“Yes, yes, right there,” I breathe into his lips, begging for him to continue and he obliges.

“We’re you this wet for Yoongi? Huh? Did you squirt all over his cock before?”

I don’t even feel like I'm in my body anymore, I'm just feeling. Feeling the way he thrusts into me chasing his orgasm as much as he tries to give me mine. “No—no—Yoongi and I—” he changes the angle of his thrusts and I throw my hands around his shoulders to try and keep myself from falling off. “Yoongi and I never fucked—”

Jin bites at my neck, “Good.” Then he brings my hips down to meet his as he thrusts up into me and I see stars. I’ve never had an orgasm feel like this before.

“Yes!” I all but scream out, tears running down my cheeks at a steady pace.

Jin is still chasing his climax and I’m rolling from the best orgasm of my life. He reaches his fingers down and starts to thumb my clit but I try to push him off. “No, no, too sensitive—”

“Shh, trust me,” and he continues to pump into me and finger my clit. I try to squirm away but he grips my shoulder to keep me in place. It hurts at first, the friction too much after already having two orgasms but by the time he thrusts into me for the last time, it feels good again and I shake into my third orgasm of the night.

“Rose? Jin?” Yoongi knocks on the door of the car trying to open it, “Are you guys still in there?”

He opens the door and gasps at what he sees. Me on top of Jin looking spent from fucking with my top pulled down and Jin holding onto me like I’m his salvation.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Yoongi growls, and I think he’s talking to me so I pull my top up to cover my breasts again, but It’s Jin who answers with a laugh.

“What do you think I’m doing? Get out.”

Yoongi looks at me like ‘aren't you going to say anything?’ But I don’t know what to say. My brain isn’t even fully functioning right now. “Guys, please don’t fight.” Is all I can muster, but it comes out garbled like I’m speaking from underwater.

“I just fucked you into oblivion and you’re going to take his side?” Jin accuses, sliding out of me and setting me on the seat. I can feel his come and mine seep out of me and onto the seats.

“I’m not taking any—”

“You’re not even going to clean her up?” Yoongi sneers, “Some lay you are. Aftercare is everything.”

He climbs into the car again and sits down next to me.

“Oh, and like you cleaned her up after your little performance on the way home?” Jin spits out, his voice venomous but he reaches for napkins from the minibar.

Yoongi already reached for a tissue and they both flip up the skirt of my dress. “Well, I very well couldn’t clean her up with all of you in the car.” He pulls my leg to the side and starts to wipe my inner thigh, “I was planning to lick her clean after she came up to my room, but clearly that didn’t happen.”

Jin spits on his napkin, making the paper wet, and then wipes me at my entrance. I’m thankful he wet it or it would have hurt with how raw he fucked me. “Sorry to foil your perfect plan, kid, but I had plans of my own.” He looks at me, “Rose and I had some unfinished business, didn’t we Rose?”

Both boys turn to me.

“What do you mean unfinished business? Rose has unfinished business with me from last week, right Rose?” Yoongi asks.

“Rose had unfinished business with me from tonight, right Rose?” Jin asks.

And I’m stuck. What in the ever-loving fuck am I supposed to say? This is all blowing up before anything even began.

“I have unfinished business with both of you. And I’m sorry that it all blew up this way.” I turn to Yoongi, “I didn’t want anything like this to happen before I got to talk to you about what happened, what happened with Jin and I was completely a spur of the moment thing. It wasn’t planned, I swear to you.”

“Well, it wasn’t planned on her part,” Jin mumbled out but I don’t focus on him. I’m still focused on Yoongi, he’s the one I owe the most to.

His brow is still furrowed when he looks at me, “I thought you wanted Daddy inside you? But you settled for Hyung, are we that interchangeable to you?” his voice is laced with anger and jealousy. It makes me feel sick.

“No!” my hands shaking out in front of me in distress, “No! You both mean so much to me, you’re not interchangeable. You both were there for me when I thought I was all alone. You both were there to protect me. You can't understand how thankful I am for the both of you.” I take their hands with mine. “You both do unspeakable things to my heart and my sex drive. You aren't interchangeable.” They smile at me and then glare at each other.

“But you both have to know that this isn’t even allowed. In the end, it doesn’t matter what I think or how I feel...this isn’t allowed. I’m breaking the most important rule of the company and if this ever gets out I could be fired.”

Jin scoffs, “We’re not going to tell anyone, you don’t have to worry about that.”

Yoongi nods his head, “Rose, we wouldn’t betray you like that.”

That brings a small smile to my face even though I feel full of so much sadness. “Being with the both of you has been some of the best times of my life, but with the tour about to start, I just think we shouldn’t do this anymore. It’s too risky and I just know that if the others find out it would only be a matter of time before things took a turn for the worst. Especially with Tae, with how things ended when he went missing, I’m sure he will blackmail me just like I did to him.” The boys share a look that I can’t read.

Jin takes a deep breath and leans down against the seat. He holds one of my hands in his and stokes the top of my hand with his other like I’m some precious gem he must hold onto and protect. “If that’s what you want, then I’ll respect your decision.” He looks over to his bandmate and raises his eyebrows. The younger boy looks more reluctant to agree.

“Yoongi...” I start, but he stops me by bringing my hand up and kissing the back of it, his lips soft and unyielding against my skin. His eyes close and he takes a deep breath and I think he’s going to agree but he surprises me.

He leans in and brings his lips to mine. The kiss is slow and tender, a goodbye.

He pulls away, “I just wanted to do that. I never got to before.” I guess he’s right...and that brings a sick feeling into my stomach. He was always giving with nothing in return, always focusing on my pleasure with not even an ounce of reassurance from me. It kills me that our first kiss together has to be filled with so much sadness.

“I’ll also respect your decision, Rose. No hard feelings, we understand that this job is important to you and we wouldn’t want to do anything further that could ruin it for you.”

I open my mouth to respond but he clicks the mic for the driver, “Sir, please take Miss Rose safely home, she’s had a very long night.” Yoongi says, and then clicks the mic off.

Jin scoots on the seats to start to get out of the car and Yoongi follows, both of them not looking at me as they get out.

When the door closes and I can feel the car start, the first tear starts to fall.

~~

“5, 6, 5, 6, 7, 8!” Minho yells and the boys start from the beginning of the song. The lights flicker across their perfect faces and their dance moves. From the floor, they look like gods on that stage.

I cried myself to sleep last night and my eyes are pink and puffy today. I opted for no makeup because it was too painful to put on and I hope everyone just thinks I’m just hungover from the gala last night. I’m in a pair of leggings and an oversized sweatshirt with a baseball cap on my head with my hair tied back in a ponytail. I made my decision and now I have to live with it. Every moment that Jin and Yoongi don’t smile or acknowledge me feels like the pulse of pain behind a bruise. With their costumes on for the tour, I look like someone’s babysitter in comparison.

Richard has me ordering everyone lunch from a restaurant nearby. I’m loading all their orders into the online website and trying to cross-reference it with the list of everyone here today so I can make sure I ordered something for everyone. I’ve been working on this task all morning and I'm finally almost finished.

“Okay, great job guys! Let’s practice the quick change between songs four and five! Gina!” Minho shouts and Gina and her crew wave from the wings of the stage.

I finally submit the other when I realize that I forgot to order something for myself. But I guess I'm not hungry anyway. All I’ve had to eat today was coffee and a lavender London fog latte Hyuna made me this morning after she saw my face. Caffeine and sadness aren't a meal but it sure is filling.

“Rose,” Richard motions to me from his makeshift desk.

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“Did you send in the order for lunch?”

“Yes, it will be delivered in an hour.”

He nods his head and then hands me a stack of papers. “These are all the stops on the tour and the hotels you’ll be staying in. You guys will be on the bus as much as we can make work when we’re in the states and in Europe, but when it’s not possible those are the hotels that we booked already in advance. They are going to fight over who gets the single room at each stop, so I would recommend having them switch off. Make a chart if you need to. Just try to keep them as calm as possible. They so rarely fight, but if they do it’s usually about sleep or food. Yoongi is very territorial about his sleep, as is Jin about his food so make sure to keep that in mind. You’re also going to be in charge of their meals while in the hotels. That’s why I had you order everyone's lunch today. The boys won't be able to just go and grab food somewhere because they will be mobbed. While you’re in the hotels the boys will have their bodyguards with them of course, but it’s just best if you go get the food so we can avoid mobs. The cities hate it and if we can avoid it then we want to try. I have also emailed this to you, but I know that you like physical copies as well so you can write notes in the margins.”

I write his words down in my notes file on my phone, not wanting to forget any important information. “Yes, thank you, Richard.” I start to head over to my workspace but he stops me.

“I just want to make sure that you’re comfortable being on the bus with the members. It would just be the eight of you and two bodyguards who drive the bus.” His voice grows quiet, “They would never do anything to hurt you, Rose. You can trust them.”

I give him a smile. Oh if only he knew that I was the one to hurt them just last night. “I trust them, I’m not worried,” I tell him and he looks relieved in my response.

“RESET! Hobi, you are the first out and you have to be ready before the others. Can we get another dresser on Hobi’s team please?” Minho asks and someone from the costume department scurries over. “Thank you. RESET!” and everyone gets back into place.

Everything about today is making me feel sick. Telling Jin and Yoongi that stealing kisses and touches on tour would be too difficult and we’re better off just going back to normal is the right thing to do, I know that. But why does it have to hurt so much? Maybe because things feel off. It’s not like we were hugging and kissing and hooking up all the time before, it was only a couple of times. Really nothing but that aspect has to change, but I feel it in the air. Things can't go back to the way they were and I have to suffer the consequences. Maybe in order for them to continue to have a working relationship with me they have to ignore me. That would suck, but if that’s what they needed then I have to respect that. They respected my wishes of ending the forbidden rendezvous’, so I need to respect the choices that help them create a semblance of normality for their lives. From now on, I am just their assistant. I don’t even know if they want me as a friend anymore, and I know that before that’s what we were. Even before the kissing and the touching started we had become friends. When Jin and I spent the night running around town trying to find Tae, we became friends. Yoongi is so closed off with his feelings it was hard to tell that he even liked me when I first started but once I learned the signs it was easy to tell. Maybe they will treat me differently, but I still have five other members that want to be my friend.

Right?

I don’t know, but there is only one way to find out. The tour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos are so so appreciated!


	17. The Tour Part 1

We’re on a private plane flying to the state to start the US leg of the tour. We had to be at the airport at three in the morning in the hopes of not drawing a large crowd. This plan was only slightly successful, fans did mob the airport but not in the numbers that they usually do if the boys leave at a normal hour. I’m just happy that it was something that we could avoid. The last thing we need is some sort of fan mob before the tour has even started.

Our first stop on the tour is in Chicago and we have two days there to prepare before opening night of the tour. Once last dress rehearsal with the stage set up at the current venue and one day of rest. The boys get one day of pure rest before they will be busy for the unseeable future. When we arrive in Chicago we will be staying at a hotel until we have to leave for the next location of the tour. The bus company we rented our tour bus from is still being driven to our location. The company made a mistake and wrapped the bus in a picture of the boys and that is just too conspicuous for their safety. It’s better to travel with one that just looks like it belongs to a family going on a vacation. Plus, the boys just really hate sleeping on the bus. Who would enjoy being crammed into a small bunk when you could have a whole hotel bed to yourself? I know I’m not looking forward to it, at least not for long periods of time. I’ve never had a “world tour” experience before so everything is new to me, but the boys are used to it by now.

On the plane, I’ve been sleeping for quite a while. Waking up in the dead of night to leave the country and then having to adjust to the time difference is a lot and I just want to sleep to make it easier. This private plane is huge. It has chairs and tables and even sleeping rooms. Not wanting to impose on any of the bed spaces, opted to sleep on one of the many couches. I’m in joggers with my eye mask covering my eyes while wrapped in a fleece blanket I bought just for the tour. It’s huge, I can wrap myself up in it multiple times, and I am. I must look like a very fuzzy burrito to any onlooker.

Richard is flying with us for opening night, but he won't be with the boys for the whole tour. He has lots of responsibilities back in Seoul and he doesn’t like to leave his family for long periods at a time and taking his family with him interrupts his children’s schooling. Besides the tour crew and the stylist and wardrobe people, I’ll be the boys’ main form of contact. At least when Richard is gone. But even when Richard is with us he won't be staying on the bus. When I asked why he looked at me with his eyes raised, “I am an old man, Rose. My back would not recover from a week spent on those bunks.” And I laughed much to his disdain.

I’m really glad I brought a brand-new box of earplugs. The boys are a noisy group and if I’m unable to get sleep I’ll be one grumpy bitch. The ones I have in right now have a small string attached to them so they are harder to lose. After what I can assume is a couple of hours, I start to hear the vague sound of talking, but I choose to ignore it. I’m tired and going to working non-stop for months on end, so I’m not waking up until I have to. We’re in the air over an ocean, there cannot be anything the boys need that they could not get themselves. They aren't spoiled. They don’t expect me to wait on them hand and foot. When they were trainees they learned how to rely on each other as a unit, and they prefer to return to that dynamic most times. If anything, my role is most like a Shepard. I’m herding the sheep where they need to and making sure they are well fed.

“—-on the couch.” Is the only part of a conversation I hear. I try to ignore it so I can drift off to sleep again, but the voice gets louder. Suddenly I feel around come around me and lift me in the air. It’s hard to get a hold of me since I’m one tightly wrapped burrito.

“Hey—” I call out, my voice thick with sleep and unuse.

“Shh,” Someone whispers, and then I’m set down on what I assume is one of the beds. I can't see with my eye mask over my eyes. I want to yell at whoever thought it was okay to just pick me up and move me like I’m some piece of furniture, but I’m too tired. The only thing that comes out of my mouth is a garbled mess. I hear a chuckle and the click of a door sliding shut and then I’m asleep.

When I wake, I feel like I’m on the surface of the sun. the bedroom must be warmer than the rest of the plane and with my fleece blanket, I feel like a sweaty mess.

“Ugh,” I groan out. I kick my feet around trying to untangle myself from this warm cocoon of my own making until I’m free. Man, I wish the plane had a shower.

I pull the mask off of my head and look around expecting to see one of the guys watching me or waiting for me to wake up, but I’m alone. It’s a weird feeling, but I guess also thinking one of them would be here when I woke up was also a weird thing to think. They must have just wanted me off the couch and put me in here out of the way.

I yawn and use the restroom inside the bedroom. My hair looks a mess from sleep and I throw it up into a messy bun and wrap my blanket around me like a cape and head back into the main part of the plane. Some of the boys are gathered around Richard talking lowly about who knows what. Hoseok lifts his head in acknowledgment and I smile back. Heading over to the couch I was originally asleep on, I find it empty. Maybe they didn’t need the use of the couch, maybe I was just snoring? I didn’t think that I snored, but I guess you never know until someone tells you. I find my phone plugged into an outlet near my flight seat where I left it and I check my email and find none. A relaxing feeling. I’m about to be a 24/7 companion to 7 guys, what more could people possibly want from me?

“Rose, can you grab me a water bottle from the fridge?” Tae asks from the table and I roll my eyes.

After I snag it from the mini-fridge I present it to him with a flourish I make sure to tell him just what I think about his stupid requests, “Here you go, Master. I live to serve you beverages.” And then flick his nose for good measure.

Tae rubs his nose and when I walk back to my seat I can hear him calling me a brat under his breath. I send off a quick text to let him know I heard him. I notice the time and realize I must have slept for over four hours. At least I feel well-rested.

I hear Jungkook let out a loud yawn as he comes out of one of the bedrooms looking still half asleep. “Why did you wake us up, Ritchie? We still have hours left of the flight.” Jungkook rubs his eyes like a baby and sits down in one of the only open chair left at one of the tables. Jin and Tae are next to him and Hoseok. Yoongi, Namjoon, and Jimin are at the table with Richard.

Their manager clears his throat before speaking, “I woke you guys up because we have some rules to go over before we land. First off, please try your best to refrain from fighting over frivolous things. And if you do find yourself in a conflict please reach out so I may assist you in rectifying the situation. Second, it is Rose’s job to take care of all seven of you,” my head pops up over the back of my hair at the sound of my name, four pairs of eyes meet mine, “But it is also your responsibility to take care of her. This is her first world tour as a musical assistant in any capacity and I want you to go easy on her. That being said, the third is that I want you boys to behave. She is your assistant, not your plaything. If you have any urges, you need to ask her to find someone and make sure they sign the NDA. No more hook ups without NDAs,” Richard glares over in the direction of Tae and Hobi, but I’m sure he’s talking about Tae. “Rose is your assistant, and if you’re lucky she will be your friend. Respect her or I’ll cut off your dick.”

Those are some harsh words... I’m sure it’s just a liability thing for the company. I know the boys won't hurt me, but it does strike a little fear in me that Richard felt the need to bring it up.

“Richie, we would never hurt noona, she’s the best assistant we’ve ever had.” He yawns again, “We love her.”

That startles me, and I turn back around in my chair. I’m sure he’s just sleep and isn’t really thinking about what he’s saying.

“Well, I hope you all love her like a sister as Jungkook does.” Is Richard’s only response, but I can hear the short snicker of one of the boys. Not sure which one, but I’d bet on Tae.

I peek back over the top of my chair, “Thank you for all of your concerns, Richard, but I’m sure everything will be fine. The boys and I already discussed it.”

He nods, not facing me, and then speaks up because he must not know I turned around. “I just don’t want you to feel uncomfortable for the next five months or more.”

I smile, his concerns feel fatherly and that’s a feeling I haven’t felt in a very long time.

“Lastly,” he looks each boy in the eyes before he continues, “If you guys don’t get enough sleep or take care of your vocal cords properly, I will personally fly to wherever you are and beat you on top of your head with a very heavy stick.”

There are lots of mumbles of “Yes, Richard,” and then he leaves to head to one of the sleeping rooms.

Standing up, I let out a low whistle as I take the seat he emptied, “Does he always go for the threats when trying to keep you guys in line?”

Namjoon sighs, “Yes, I’m afraid it’s one of the only things to work sometimes.”

That makes me laugh, “No wonder it worked so well on you, Taehyung.” The aforementioned boy just rolls his eyes at me as his response.

I do my best to ignore Yoongi and Jin. Not looking at them makes it easier to pretend like everything is okay. If I can just keep this up for long enough I can convince myself that it is.

Jungkook gets up and rubs his hands against his face, “I’m going back to bed.” He declares and then disappears into a bedroom. The rest of the boys get up and move to go back to bed and I do the same, but this time I head back to the couch I fell asleep on first.

“Rose, go take a bedroom,” Namjoon tells me, but I ignore him.

“The bedrooms are too hot I’d rather sleep out here with my blanket,” I reply, and promptly put my eye mask back on and settle in for the rest of the flight.

~~

The plane lands in Chicago with little to no difficulty and when we step outside onto the tarmac I understand why it’s called “The Windy City”.

We have so much luggage that has to go through customs it's almost embarrassing. This isn’t even all of it, most of the stuff the boys need for the tour is arriving with the crew and stylists. Everything we have is just their personal belongings. But I guess when you’re going to be away from home for so long it makes sense to bring some of home with you. After grabbing multiple carts to carry everything and some quick dodging of screaming fans, we finally make it to the hotel for the night. I make the boys play rock, paper, scissors for the single room. Namjoon and Jimin don’t play because they will always be sleeping in the same room, they will only be using one bed but it’s better for keeping the secret if they stay in a room with two beds. Hoseok wins in for this stay and does a victory dance down the hallway to his room. There are some grumbles from the four losing members, but for the most part, there isn’t any hostility. Jungkook and Tae take the second room and Jin and Yoongi take the last. I clench my entire body to keep my hand from shaking when I hand them their keys.

“Get some good rest! You don’t want to get beaten with a stick!” I singsong to them.

But they just smile politely and take their keys, heading off to their rooms for the night. All the boy’s bodyguards file after them and do room sweeps before they can settle into sleep.

When I’m tucked into my single room, I can't help but let a few tears fall. This hurt is my own doing, I have no one to blame but myself. Their polite smiles, that’s what feels worst of all. Their utter indifference. The opposite of hate isn’t love, both of those feelings are so deeply similar that our bodies can't always tell the difference between our racing hearts. But indifference is the utter lack of emotion for someone. And that’s what I know they feel for me now. This is what I wanted, I try to remind myself. But it still feels like a punch straight to my heart to know that they can feel this way so quickly. Letting my tears fall for too long would be irresponsible. I’ll be living with these conditions for the foreseeable future. I need to focus or I’m going to screw up something and it will be more detrimental to my life than sadness. My mistake could get the boys hurt and I couldn’t live with myself if my lack of attention is what caused harm. The tour is happening, starting in two days, and I have bigger things to worry about than my measly little feelings.

My brain tries to remind me that my mother is going to want to see me once we get closer to the west coast. I'm back in the states, I should probably shoot her a text and let her know. But, I don’t want her to post on social media and announce it to the world. The whole point of working in South Korea was to get as far away as possible from him. My body jerks when I think of him. My ex-boyfriend. The cheater, well double cheater. I can't believe that I almost forgot he cheated on me twice. Maybe it’s because the second time hurt the most. He cheated on me with someone else and broke up with me because of it. The first time he was all, “I was drunk, I didn’t mean to do it. I promise to never do it again, I love you so much,” and blah blah blah. The first time, he came back and asked for forgiveness, the second time he left me for someone else. I remember feeling so gutted over our breakup. He cheated on me and I gave him another chance and in the end, he left me and I was the one who was left hurt and broken. He didn’t tell me he cheated the second time, I had to find out from his friend. He was just going to leave me and make me feel like it was my fault that we were breaking up when all along he just wanted to be with someone else. So instead of me being angry and getting to break up with him for his actions, he lied and let me toil in pain. He got to win the breakup and he got a new girlfriend. I got to lose twice, broken up with, and cheated on. I can't lie to myself, I lost my way for a long time. I let his actions completely derail my self-confidence. I let him make me feel undesirable and unwanted. I let him make me feel ugly on the inside and the outside. Moving to Seoul was my way of starting over and starting fresh. I didn’t want to be this broken girl that I let him mold me into. Years of emotional manipulation made me weak, and I didn’t want to feel that way ever again.

So I closed my heart and got on a plane, and now I've found myself here. Tucked in bed in a city I've never been to with a boyband I never expected to work for and a semi-broken heart. No, not a broken heart. A lonely heart. Being with the boys, especially Jin and Yoongi, makes me feel whole again like I can breathe a full breath of air again. So forcing myself to distance myself from them makes me feel alone all over again, and I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to be at concerts surrounded by thousands of screaming fans and still feel like I have no one who cares for me. I thought I finally found a safe space to land and I ruined it so so quickly. I let my desires and my need to feel something, anything at all, that I ruined something perfect. I ruined friendships with people I cared about before they really even began. I don’t know how I do it, but I ruin everything don’t I? I did something in a relationship to make someone feel the need to cheat on me twice and I ruined a perfectly good job by complicating it with sex and desire.

Flopping on my back and staring up at the ceiling, I know that I have to turn things around. Maybe I don’t have to ignore Jin and Yoongi, maybe I just have to pretend everything is fine and normal like the way it was before I made fatal mistakes. I think I can do that. All I have to do is lock my feelings up tight in a box and tuck the key in a place that is so safe I’ll easily forget about it and then I'll never be able to open the box again. That sounds easy enough, right? Right?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are so so appreciated, kudos too


	18. The Tour Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kind of random? I had the idea for the ending and wrote to that, hope you like it!

“Wake up boys! I have coffee and bagels ready for you!” I walk down the hall and bang on their doors. We have the whole floor because the boys and their bodyguards easily take up at least eight rooms. The bodyguards are downstairs working crowd control already and I’m in charge of getting the boys to the venue. But first, they need a little morning pick me up.

Hoseok is the first to open his door, a big smile pulling on his cheeks. He’s an early riser and I’m sure he got some good rest since he had his own room. I hand him his bagel and his coffee and he shuts himself back into his room. I use the master key that Richard gave me in case I had issues with the boys and needed to make sure they make it somewhere on time and today feels as good as any to march in and give them their food to start their day. When entering Jimin and Namjoon’s room, I knock and then slip the coffee and bagels into the room and immediately shut the door. Their a couple and I don’t want to interfere with any of their alone time together. Next, I open Jungkook and Tae’s room. I knock and when I come in I hear the shower going so I know that at least one of them is awake and getting ready. I head further into the room and go to set their breakfast on the desk in the room but when I look over to see who is still sleeping I instead find Jungkook with his eyes closed but his hand moving vigorously under the covers. Shit.

“Um, here’s your guys’ breakfast, I’ll—”

“Noona!” he shouts out completely surprised by my entrance that he falls out of the bed. He’s totally naked on the floor and I turn away to give him some privacy. I try to walk to the door sideways while facing the wall away from him. I’m almost to the door when I run into something, well, someone.

“What the—” I stutter out and find myself chest to chest with Taehyung. He has a fully white towel around his waist and his chest is bare. I can feel my shirt soak up some of the water from his chest and I break away quickly, stumbling on my way down to the floor.

“Well good morning to you too.” That is all Tae says, seemingly unaffected by this collision.

I turn to my side and see Jungkook again, this time with a sheet covering his waist. When I turn back to look at Tae I have a view up his towel and I can almost make out the shape and size of—

“I—I—I...I need to go give the others their breakfast!!” I all but shout out and scramble to my feet racing toward the door.

Once I’m outside the room I slam the door shut and rest for a second with my back to the door. “Okay, so entering before permission is a terrible idea, I can admit that now,” I mutter to myself. Thank goodness I left the rest of the bagels and coffee outside the room otherwise I would have either forgotten them or spilled them everywhere. Small victories. When I get to Jin and Yoongi’s room I knock and knock and wait for someone to open the door. I’ve learned my lesson very well with the others and I really don’t want to get myself into a situation with them as I did with Kookie and Tae.

No one is coming to the door, so I knock again and try to cajole them to come open the door. “Jin, Yoongi, it’s me, I have coffee and bagels for you.” I wait a bit again but no one comes to the door and I don’t hear the sound of anyone stirring. I take a deep breath and decide to use the key again but this time I’ll just put their breakfast right inside the door as I did for Namjoon and Jimin. I should have done that for all of the boys, I was just too stupid to think about that at the time.

The click of the electronic key signifies that I can open the door and I gently turn the handle and push the door open. Not wanting to wake either of them if they are still asleep I just set their meal down and try to close the door with the utmost care as not to wake them with the smack of the door and the frame. Just as I hear the lock click in the door the sound of one of the boys speaking startles me.

“Thanks, jagi,” I think Jin says, but it’s so quiet that I can't be sure.

I saunter back over to my room with my coffee and bagel in hand. What a wild exchange for this early in the morning, I really hope that isn’t an omen for how the rest of the tour is going to go or I think I’ll lose my mind before we even leave the states. We still have a little time before we have to be at the venue so I hop in the shower. Maybe a shower can wash away all the shame I feel from my first meal delivery. I turn the water all the way up and scald my body then turn it low and cool my red flesh. I take my loofah and scrub and scrub and scrub and scrub at all the dead skin on my body. Maybe if I remove all of my dead skin I'll be a new person by the time I get out. A new person who doesn’t have ex-boyfriends to think about or boyband idols who need their every waking hour planned out and accounted for. I stand there in the shower rinsing off all of my body wash and shampoo and conditioner and let the water run cold. The cold shocks me out of my reverie and I shiver when I get out. In the mirror my skin looks red and splotchy, I try to fix it with lotions and creams but in the end decide to cover it with long pants and a big coat. No makeup today, my skin can't handle it, only sunscreen and lip balm. I put on some chunky sneakers that Jungkook convinced me were cool and the baseball cap that seems to be my constant companion. With the boys always being the subject of photos I try not to have my face be in the photos as much as I can help it and a hat helps with that. They already told the media about me at the Gala so the hope is that the media won't focus on me much, but as a woman in close proximity to the boys, I can easily become a target of the media or their fans.

When it’s time to go I call one of the bodyguards and have him retrieve the black SUV we’ve rented for the remainder of our stay. The crowd thinks that we will be going out the front doors to get to the car but I have the SUV pull up to the elevator in the parking garage so we can get in safely without having to go through a throng of fans. The boys don’t have any problem with meeting fans and taking pictures, it’s just that sometimes are more opportune than others and today we can't waste thirty minutes trying to get to the studio. After the concert is over they can take as many pictures and sign autographs as they want. When we arrive at the venue and take the back entrance, it doesn’t feel real. For me, this is my first time being a part of the “behind the stage” aspect of a concert but the boys don’t seem to feel any type of way as this is their normal, they’ve been doing this type of thing for seven years. I drop them off in their dressing room and head out to find Richard. I didn’t have any new emails this morning except for him just staying he hopes I deliver the boys in one piece and to come find him on the floor.

Stepping out onto the floor and seeing all the chairs set up and lined in rows makes this whole situation feel surreal. Here I am at one of the biggest concerts of the year working behind the scenes with one of the biggest bands in the world right now. Everything looks immaculate, all the stage lights are bright and I can see the confetti canons being stuffed with an array of colors. Blue, black, green, purple, pink, gold, and silver. The colors of their mics I realize. My throat is thick with emotion and I lift my eyes to the ceiling to stop myself from letting any tears flow. This is their last dress rehearsal before they perform. Tomorrow will be spent relaxing and then a soundcheck before the start of the show. If anything could go wrong, it needs to happen now so we have time to fix it.

Minho comes out from the back and sashays to his seat by the sound booth, it’s the best view of the stage from the floor because the platform is a little raised. He’s got on a full-length black leotard with tank top straps with a paisley shawl wrapped around his shoulders. The sound of his slides hitting the concrete floor echoes around the room until he sits in his chair. He crosses his legs and puts on his round spectacles for optimal viewing.

Richard beckons me over to his seating over at one of the areas marked off for merch. Nothing is set up yet but all of the boxes are ready to be unloaded tomorrow.

“You’re in charge of taking care of Minho while he’s here. He flies home tomorrow since we won’t need him anymore so I want you to do anything that he needs.” I nod, I had kind of figured that this would be my role today. “But, before you go, you can grab some merch if you want. It’s pretty cold here so I’d recommend a sweatshirt.” And then he’s back to emails.

My first official piece of BTS merch and I don’t even have to pay for it! I read the labels on the boxes looking for the sweatshirts. I’ve seen the proofs for what the designs are supposed to look like so I know which one I want. I want to get a huge black sweatshirt that I can layer so I can achieve optimum coziness while on the tour bus. I find the box labeled “Sweatshirt, black, design #2” and look around for something to open it with. There aren't any scissors and I didn’t bring my house keys with me to the venue, I try to use my thumbnails but it doesn’t cut through the tape.

“Ouch!” I mutter, sucking the finger in my mouth to ease the pain. Richard glances back at me and in seeing my distress hands me his set of car keys from one of our rentals. I thank him and cut into the box with one of the keys.

Opening it I find the sweatshirt of my dreams, it’s one of my most favorite photos of the boys. The photographer was on the ground and the boys have huddled around in a group looking down at the camera. The image is in black and white, there is also a color option but I’m more of a muted colors kind of girl. The design is the picture of the boys with the words “BTS WORLD TOUR” written in bold letters in the center of their huddle. I dig through the box until I find the biggest size and slip it on over the t-shirt I wore today. The sweatshirt hits just below my butt and I feel so cozy I just want to snuggle up inside the box.

In the distance, I can hear Minho shouting, which is odd since he usually uses his megaphone...

“Where is my megaphone!” he shouts out and now I understand.

I pop up from the floor and yell over to him, “I’ll go find it!” and head off towards backstage.

Backstage is full of people moving around with purpose. Everyone has a job to do and they are running around like worker bee’s to finish it before we start. I find one of Minho’s minions and ask if he knows where the megaphone has disappeared to but he doesn’t know, he goes back to playing a game on his phone. I go through another walk around the maze that is backstage and can't find it. Did he even bring it with him? Or did he leave it back in Seoul?

I knock on the boy's dressing room and enter when I hear Gina call that I can come in.

“Hey,” I say, peeking my head inside the door but not coming in fully, “Have you seen Minho’s megaphone? He’s doesn’t have it and is pretty pissed about it...” I trail off when I see Tae snicker. I glare at him, sure he had something to do with the megaphone’s disappearance, but Hobi beats me to the accusation.

“Taehyung, why do you do this every time? You know how angry he gets and it’s completely disrespectful.” Hobi’s in the middle of getting his mic put on, he can't move his body but his voice is venomous. He doesn’t like someone disrespecting his mentor.

Tae is sitting in one of the makeup chairs having the finishing touches put on his makeup. “It’s tradition,” is all he replies, his head tilted back and his posture the epitome of relaxed.

I fight the urge to beat him upside the head since I'm still feeling a little awkward from our encounter this morning. I look over to Namjoon, my eyes pleading like ‘please make him tell me where it is’. He lets out a long sigh as if he’s a business worker who feels like his work is never fully done and stands up to go over to Tae. He grabs the younger man’s wrist and leans in by his ear and whispers directly into it. The younger man sighs resigned that his little game is over so soon and then whispers back. Namjoon lets go of his wrist and turns to me.

“It’s underneath the stage.” He tells me and then heads back over to Jimin on the couch. The shorter man puts his hand on the taller man’s thigh in comfort.

I’ve never gone underneath the stage before, my job description doesn’t have much to do with the inner workings of the concert just getting the boys to a fro. I nod to Namjoon in thanks and then head towards the stage.

Since the stage takes up a good portion of the floor “backstage” is really just a section hidden by black curtains and fences with stagehands guarding them. I go to one of the back entrances since it’s faster than going all the way around when one of the stagehands stops me. He’s a big burly guy with a buzz cut and tattoos up both arms.

“Badge access only.” He tells me, his hand up in the universal gesture of ‘stop’.

I’m confused at first. How did he think I got backstage in the first place? But then I look down and remember I’m in my merch sweatshirt. I must look like some fan who's trying to find the boys.

I reach into my sweatshirt and pull out my badge. “My name is Rose, I’m the assistant to BTS. I’m looking for a megaphone that is presumed to be hidden under the stage, have you seen it?”

His eyes narrow at my badge like he doesn’t believe me. But my picture with my name and title is readily available for his viewing. His eyes travel from my face to my badge and back a couple of times. I can hear the roar of Minho from here and grow agitated with this situation.

“Jeez, I know I didn’t wear any makeup today but I swear to fucking God that picture is of me. I’m looking for Minho’s megaphone, you know the guy who's screaming out there? So if you could let me through so I can do my job that would be great.”

The man drops my badge and moves aside to let me through the slit in the black certain not saying anything as he does so. I push through the fabric with a huff. I feel bad that I had to be so pushy with him to let me in, but he doesn’t even work for BTS he just works for the concert venue and I don’t have time for his suspicions. If I can’t find Minho’s megaphone soon I’m going to be in a world of hurt. Nothing is worse than his wrath, megaphone or not. His anger feels like receiving a howler from Harry Potter.

Underneath the stage is another maze. The boys enter from here so their mini elevators with springboards are here as well as lighting and stage workers. I go up to one of them and ask which contraption belongs to Tae and be points me to one near the middle. I look fumble around looking for it, but it's super dark under here obviously so it’s hard to see. I take out my phone and use the flashlight hoping to shed some light on this whole ordeal. I move it around, not seeing anything but poles holding the stage up. I’m about to give up and go ask Tae where exactly he put it when I see something several feet in front of me. I step on the platform to get a closer look...and then I’m shot up to the top of the stage, the floor piece clicking closed into place.

“Woah!” I shout out, not prepared for that feeling. This was one of the springboards so I shout up to the stage and it felt like the drop from the top of a rollercoaster.

Some of the crew members taping down mic chords give me a weird look and I meekly smile back, unsure of what to do.

“Rose!” I hear Minho scream when he sees me, “Where is my megaphone?!” his scream is so loud that he truly doesn’t even need a megaphone to be heard, I just think he likes the way people flinch when he uses it.

“I found it!” I give him a thumbs up to show him in case he can't hear me. “It’s under the stage! I just need to reach it!”

He’s still screaming at me, but I just move around like I’m listening to him shout about how incompetent I am and how I should have found it by now and why is it even under the stage as if he doesn’t know that Taeyhung hid it like apparently he always does. Add that to the list of things I should have known about before today. If any of the boys or Richard had warned me I could have started looking for it when I first got here. I give Minho another thumbs up to let him know I heard him and then look around for how to get back down below the stage from up here. A very bored-looking stagehand motions for a small set of stairs with his leg and I give him a little bow in thanks.

Back underneath the stage, I speed walk back over to where I was. With the springboard now up I can easily hunch over to grab the megaphone with the fear of popping up onto the stage again. “Taehyung is so going to pay for putting this here,” I mutter to myself when I have to army crawl on my hands the rest of the way to retrieve the megaphone. When I’ve got my hand wrapped around it and pull it out of its hiding spot a small piece of paper falls out of the round part. It’s much too dark to read under here so I army crawl back out until I can stand and walk normally. In a pocket of light from above I read the note. It’s written on what seems to be the back of the setlist with a small untidy scrawl.

‘I love a girl on her hands and knees ;) -Tae’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls pls pls leave a comment and let me know what you think! Kudos are also always appreciated


	19. The Tour Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas to all those who celebrate! This chapter is kind of a clusterfuck but keep with me. I needed to fit a lot into this chapter to help with pacing. Love you guys

I’m going to kill him. I am going to march into that dressing room, wrap my hands around his neck, and squeeze until the light in his eyes dies out. I can just imagine him this morning grabbing a setlist and writing on the back of it a little message just for me. “I love a girl on her hands and knees” ugh the words just make my skin crawl! Men will always have the audacity to pull tricks like this. Not only did Tae get Minho in a tizzy this morning, but he also got me to crawl around under the stage to find something he hid just like he had planned. Now I’m covered in dust on my new sweatshirt and he probably has a smug smile on his face.

I crumble the paper up in my fist and shove it into the pocket of my sweatshirt. I’ll deal with him later. First I have to get this megaphone back to Minho. Running up the stairs and back onto the stage I offer it to him over the front of the stage, he swipes it from my hand with a mutter, “Well, it’s about time,” and then harrumphs away.

The view of the stadium is spectacular from here. You can see everything. I always thought I was invisible at concerts if I wasn’t front row, but from the stage, you really do have a vantage point to see everything in front of you. I fight the urge to spin in a circle and pretend for just a moment that I’m the star on the stage and everyone is here to see me. How exhilarating it must feel to hear the roar of thousands of screaming fans and know that it’s more you. I see how performing could be addicting. I’m only at the edge of the stage but oh how I wish I could strut out onto the catwalk. No one would really care if I did, but I’d be much too embarrassed to do it in front of all these people. Sighing, I head to the edge of the stage to hop down onto the floor. Looking down it seems pretty high and I really don’t want to start the tour with a sprained ankle so I turn back around and find the boys staring at me.

Hobi runs up to me and picks me, swinging me around and around in his arms, which I am learning seems to be his signature move. “Rose isn’t it glorious?! And it’s all ours!” his booming voice echoes throughout the stadium and I feel goosebumps bread across my body. When he sets me down I give him a big hug, his joyful nature always an anchor in this crazy job.

Jimin comes out to me next and offers his mic to me, “Want to do my soundcheck for me?”

My immediate answers would be, hell fucking yeah I do! But I'm afraid of getting in trouble. I don’t know why I have this constant fear of authority and how I'll somehow break a rule and be reprimanded. I’m the assistant to BTS, if Jimin wants help with his soundcheck then I am technically allowed to help him.

He must see how big my eyes have grown because he hands me his mic and starts skipping away across the stage. Namjoon watches his boyfriend skip away and shakes his head before he comes over and puts his arm around my shoulders.

“Guess you’re apart of international Korean boyband sensation, BTS.” He says and his voice booms through his mic and out to the stadium speakers.

“Woah,” is all I can manage to say, and then my voice echoes. The way you hear the person on stage from the crowd is very different from how it sounds like one of those people on stage. Does that make any sense? I don’t know! This whole thing is giving me vertigo.

Yoongi chooses to say a handful of swear words for his mid check which has Hobi and Jimin cracking up.

“Jin, Jin, Jin, Jin, Jin, Jin, Jin, Jin, Jin, Jin, Jin, Jin,” Jin sings into his mic to the sound of Airplane Pt. 2 which actually causes Hoseok to fall to the floor in laughter.

Tae sings the words to some TikTok sound he’s obsessed with and I glare at him the whole time. Namjoon gives me a questioning glance before he raps a couple of lines from Hamilton the musical and when he’s done I just wave him off. I’ll be sure to tell him later. Jungkook takes mic check very seriously and just says, “Check, check, check, check,” until he gets a thumbs up from Paul the stage manager.

Hoseok is still laughing about Jin’s mic check and he just sings the same thing into the mic, much to the annoyance of Minho.

“Hurry up! We don’t have all day!” he shouts into his megaphone.

I don’t know what to say when it’s my turn, I turn to Jimin for help. “What do you usually say into the mic for your check?” I ask him, my voice ringing in my ears. Paul gives me a thumbs up and I hand Jimin his mic back.

“You can really say anything, it doesn’t matter what you say as long as they can adjust your mic.” I nod and head to the back stairs to go grovel at Minho’s feet for the next few hours.

Minho just nods at me when I get back to him and then starts shouting out orders. I know that when he needs something he will use the megaphone no matter how close I am so I choose to walk over and sit on a crate next to Mike the lighting guy. He looks me up and down and then gives me a squirt of some hand sanitizer and I nod to him in thanks. I must look like a mess from crawling all around the floor.

My ire from Taehyung returns and I look to see if Mike is watching and then I pull out the crumpled paper from my pocket. I know that showing it to Yoongi is the best way to get Tae in trouble. In the past when Tae has said flirty comments or sharp remarks about me Yoongi has always been the first one to reprimand him. But, Yoongi and I aren't on the best terms as of right now. I shove the paper into the pocket of my jeans, I don’t want to risk it falling out and someone else finding it. While the boys perform for a stadium of no one, I plot my revenge.

~~

When we get back to the hotel that night I have a little surprise for the boys.

“Alright, I made a chart of who gets to go in the single bedroom tonight so that we don’t have any repeat rock, paper, scissors winners.” There is a small groan from Hobi because now he knows his chances of having the single bed again are over until the next full rotation. The bodyguards safely walk us back to our hotel rooms and I first jump Jiho because he’s my favorite today since he gave me a bag of chips from his lunch.

I turn around and face the boys, “As I was saying” I look down at my tablet pretending to review the list that I made up, “Tonight, Taehyung gets the single bedroom.”

“Yes!!!” he jumps up and down throwing his fists up over his head. He snatches the key from Hobi and they both walk over to the room, one to sleep and one to grab his suitcases.

Taehyung is so happy to get the single bedroom that he doesn’t notice the sickly sweet smile spreading across my face. Namjoon gives me another knowing glance but I wave him off once again. I’m sure by tomorrow he will know all about my little plan.

Waiting is the worst part. I tried sitting down and watching something on TV but I had too much nervous energy so I turned it off and started pacing, going over my lines in my head. I wanted to give him ample time to settle into a false sense of security. Take a shower, eat some dinner, maybe even do a face mask before I approach him. Clearly, he’s done some planning of his own, and to be an equal opponent I have to put in some work in order to out trick the trickster.

It’s around nine when I ride back up the elevator with fresh cookies in my hand from the front desk. Every couple of hours or so the staff replenished the cookie tray for guests, and bringing cookies is a great opening play. It will entice him hopefully enough to get me in the door. I try my best to move in stealth mode, I don’t want any of the boys to come out and derail my plan before it’s even begun. I duck as I pass by their doors so they can't see me if they just so happened to look through the peephole. When I get to the door I knock softly. Not too quiet that he won't hear me but soft enough to not alert the others that someone is at the door. I stake a step back from the door so he can clearly see that it’s me, and then I hear the click of the lock turning.

His face looks suspicious when he opens the door, but I anticipated this.

“Hey, I went and got everyone cookies. Want some?” I dangle the bag in front of his face so he can really smell the chocolate chips, “They’re still warm,” I singsong. Just as he’s about to grab the cookies and slam the door in my face I rip the cookies out of his grasp. “Do you also have an extra towel I can borrow? I don’t think housekeeping came by my room today.”

“Yeah, yeah, alright,” Tae says and turns to go grab me one. I quickly catch my foot in the door before it swings shut and shoulder my way in. While he grabs the towel from the bathroom I take a seat at the chair behind the desk. I place the cookies off to the side of the table and fold my hands together and place them in front of me. When he emerges and doesn’t find me in the doorway he whips around and frowns when he sees me seated behind the desk.

“So,” I start out, enjoying the weary look on his face, “You like your women on their hands and knees?”

Tae’s eyebrows raise almost to his hairline and then a wicked smile pulls across his face. “Oh, is that why you came by?” He saunters over to the table and leans against it, towering over me, “You could have just said that when you came by, no need for a ruse,” his hand reaches down and grabs my chin as he leans closer to me.

I panic, very unprepared for this turn of events, and shove him away.

“What the fuck!” he calls out as he stumbles and then lands on the bed.

I stand up, hoping to have the height advantage now, “What the fuck was that?!” I ask, my face contorted in shock.

He rubs his shoulder that took the brunt of the force, “ I thought you came over to get on your hands and knees, but obviously not.”

My eyes become the size of saucers, “You thought I came over to hook up after going on a wild goose chase to find a megaphone that you hid under the dirty dusty stage?” My voice is half shocked and half laughing, “You thought I would be enticed to get on my hands and knees for you just because you insinuated it in a note?” Now I’m just full-on laughing. Full-on bending over belly laughs. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, men will always have the audacity.

I cannot stop laughing. A small tear escapes my eye and I wipe it away. Tae is glaring at me so intensely that if I didn’t know him better it would have scared me.

“No, dude, I came in to tell you that if you pull something like this shit again I’m going to Richard. I told you at the Gala that if you pulled some shit like this again I’d kick you where it hurts. And I know that telling Richard would hurt you. I don’t know what it is about him that scares you and I guess I don’t really care. Just know that I mean it.” I look at him and turn my laughing smile to one of pure evil. “We are about to embark on a world tour and I want to make it crystal clear that I will not be tolerating any sneaking off to clubs or hookups without NDAs, or any other things you want to try and get passed me. You are the wild card of BTS and I will not have your actions put any of the other boys at risk.” Tae flops onto his back on the bed, his arms coming up to wrap around his head. “Hiding Minho’s megaphone, I get it. It’s a tradition. But I’ll kick you onto your own hands and knees if you do anything that forces me to get yelled at by my superiors. Mistakes are mine to make, not yours to orchestrate.”

Tae quickly sits back up, “Ya! I get it! No pranks, no sneaking out, no fun. Now take the towel and get out.” He points to the door with his finger.

I nod, “I’m glad we understand each other.”

Back in my room, I can't stop giggling that Taehyung really thought I knocked on his door to come to hook up with him. Him! The one who has made this job difficult since day one by disappearing out of nowhere. The fact that he even thought that little note he left me would sway me to want to hook up with him. He’s lost his mind.

I ignore the butterflies that flutter in my stomach when I replay the scene before bed. Over, and over, and over again.

~~

The day of the first concert is pretty quiet. The boys spend more of the day sleeping so they can prepare for the long night ahead. I don’t take them to the venue until it’s time for soundcheck. Those who have VIP tickets are in the audience for soundcheck and the level of screaming is unreal. I can only imagine how loud it will be tonight.

“Are you guys dating anyone?” One of the girls in the audience asks during the Q and A part of the soundcheck. The boys always defer to Namjoon for this question since he’s the leader.

“We are focusing on our careers right now so we don’t have a lot of time for dating and that’s something that we’ve had to accept as being idols.” The audience members all scream at the answer, the boys have to maintain a façade that they are single so they seem more attainable to their fans.

“We are definitely single,” Yoongi winks, and the fans go wild.

His answer all of sudden has me panicking. Am I going to have to facilitate NDA’s and hookups tonight? I knew this day would come but I guess I’ve been blocking it out from the front of my mind.

I think I’m going to be sick. My stomach is aching but my brain is jealous. So, so, jealous. Thinking about the boys with other girls makes me want to scream. Not just the thought of Jin and Yoongi with other girls, all of them. Having to facilitate a hookup for Jungkook or Hoseok? It makes me feel ill. The tour has just started, it’s literally day fucking one and I’m already a mess with jealousy. I need to get my shit together. They do not belong to me. They belong to themselves and the world.

“We aren't dating anyone, we’re dating ARMY” they would joke around and say. But it’s true. All of the boys are single except for Jimin and Namjoon but they can't even go public because their relationship will make them seem less desirable to fans if the fans can't “picture themselves with their idols”. These boys give everything to their fans. All their fans would feel jealous if they had relationships. I take a deep breath. It’s just because I’m a fan! I’m just jealous because I’m a fan. This is a totally normal fangirl reaction! Phew.

Shaking my head I go back to their dressing room to wait out the rest of the soundcheck. It’s going to be a long night with just the concert, not even including if they bring hookups back to the hotel. I need to distract myself or I’m going to break out in cold sweats. Getting up, I go over to my bag and dig around for the book I bought the other day while getting stuff for the guys. 99 Percent Mine by Sally Thorne, a new novel by my favorite author. A story about a girl who falls for her brother’s best friend and how she wants to make him 100 percent hers. I settle back onto the couch and pull Jungkook’s fuzzy blanket over me and try to get lost in someone else’s life. The story captivates me so easily, the voice of the character compelling. I don’t get very far though before the boys burst back into their dressing room, I could hear the bubbling of their excitement all the way down the hall.

“—Think it will be a good crowd tonight—”

“—Did you see the girl in the last row who had that sign—”

“I can't believe that guy asked—”

“Do we have any snacks?”

That last one was Jin. He walks over to the food station which is just a fridge and a fruit basket and digs around until he settles on a pear. Hoseok jumps onto the couch on top of me and grabs my book.

“What you reading, Rose?” he asks flipping through the pages.

“Hey! You’re gonna make me lose my place!” I complain and try to grab it back.

He holds me back at arm’s length as he looking through the book. “What is this book even about? I see swear words and the mention of underwear—”

Taehyung grabs it out of Hobi’s hands, “99 Percent Mine,” he looks at the cover, “Rose, are you reading a romance book?” he snickers.

I try to hop up from the couch but Hobi is still sitting on me. “Hobi, get off!” I try to push him off of me but he just leans back and puts his hands behind his head, holding me down with just his weight. “And it’s contemporary fiction!” I defend to Taehyung. Jimin grabs it out of Tae’s hands and he flips to the back of the book.

“Rose! Did you know this has a sex scene in it?” He asks, pausing to read some of it.

“No! I did not! Because I haven’t even read it yet!”

Namjoon comes over to Jimin and reads over his shoulder, “If the book has sex it could be listed under erotica.”

“Noona’s reading erotica?” Jungkook asks, his mouth full of chips.

“It’s not erotica! It’s just women’s fiction!” I’m finally able to shove Hobi off and he makes a thud as he hits the floor.

“Ow!” He complains but I don’t care. I run over to Jimin to grab the book out of his hands but someone else beats me to it and I stop dead in my tracks.

Yoongi looks through the book and my eyes burn from the embarrassment.

“You know, I signed up to be your guys’ assistant. Not to get bullied by seven grown men.” I grumble and kick at the ground.

I know that I call them ‘the boys’ all the time, but they truly are all over the age of 23. Some of their brains might not be fully developed but most of theirs are. That’s the best you can ask for with men.

Yoongi snaps the book closed and looks at me with an unreadable expression. “Looks good, maybe I’ll read it after you.” He shrugs and heads over to the kitchen area to Jin who has been eating his pear with a wide-eyed expression on his face this whole time. I think about Yoongi reading the book after me and blush scarlet. We’d have read the same sex scene.

Jin finishes the last of his pear, “Yeah, leave her alone guys. We don’t want to make her quit before the tour even officially starts.” He reaches into the fruit basket and this time chooses an orange.

I try to lighten the mood, “Yeah, be nice to me or I’ll quit, and then who will bring you breakfast in the morning.” The boys, I mean the men, grumble their apologies and spread out to do their own thing in the large room. Namjoon and Jimin move quickly over to the corner and then I hear the click of a door. That sex scene they read must be pretty hot...

I head to one of the couches and wrap myself up in the blanket again and start to read. Yoongi and Jin sit down on one of the other couches and talk quietly to each other. I’m finally meeting the main characters’ best friend when I pick up some of their conversation.

“—The girl in the front row, to the left, with the red bodysuit and the black ripped jeans,” Yoongi says to Jin.

They’re talking about the girls from the VIP section at soundcheck. I pretend to flip a page in my book.

“Yeah? I was looking at the one with the short pink dress and the chunky boots.” Jin tells Yoongi.

I can feel my hands shaking and I set the book in my lap so they can't see.

“I asked one of the stagehands to get their names and seat numbers for the concert,” Yoongi says, and all the progress I made trying to forget about is now completely gone.

But I deserve this. I told them that we couldn’t continue on as we had and now they are moving on and going back to their old habits. They don’t owe me anything. And even if we were still hooking up it’s not like we would be exclusive, they would be in their right to want to be with their fans even if they were with me. That’s why this whole thing is fucked up. I was letting myself be their little plaything when in the end I’m the one who gets to schedule their hookups with fans.

I roll over onto the couch so I’m facing the back and away from them. Just because this is my reality doesn’t mean I want to lean into it. I pull the blanket up over my shoulders so it covers some of my ears and try again to get lost in the book.

Jungkook comes over and lays on top of me wrapping his arms around my middle and I bring my arm out of the blanket so I can stroke his hair in comfort.

“You took my blanket, noona,” He mumbles into my skin.

“I know, I’m sorry. I was cold.”

“Me too.” And he buries his nose into my neck and I shiver, it’s ice cold.

I put the book down and close my eyes, maybe taking a nap is the best option.

“Get a room you two,” Tae calls from the other side of the room. I know he’s talking about Jungkook and me but since I can’t see him he truly could be talking about any of them.

I’m not sure how much time has passed when Jungkook rolls off me and falls to the floor, startling me awake. I turn over to look at him but he’s still asleep. I lay the blanket on him and get up to grab a snack. Taking the boys back to the hotel would be a nightmare with the fans outside waiting for the concert to start so we’re all kind of trapped here until the show is over. The rest of the boys are all in some sort of nap. I check my watch, a few hours left before they have to start getting ready. I pull an energy drink out of the fridge. My first BTS concert and I won’t even be in the audience, how crazy is that? The series of events that brought me here feels like a poorly set up game of dominos that were knocked over in the wrong order or the wrong way, but it led me here nonetheless. For that I’m grateful. Things may not be perfect but this is still a once in a lifetime experience and I want to savor it.

Richard comes in and I immediately catch his eye and make a shushing motion with my finger, pointing over to all the sleeping idols. He nods his head and motions for me to come out the door and I follow.

When he closes the door quietly he then turns to me. “Have you ever been to a BTS concert?” He asks, and I shake my head. He nods to himself in return. “Do you want to sit in one of the boxes with me, or would you rather watch from the sound and lighting booth?”

My eyes widen, I didn’t think I would get to see the show from the audience at all. I fully expected to have to watch from the wings or even sit in the dressing room the whole time.

“Um...” I think long and hard about this. “I want to watch from the sound and lighting booth to get the full experience.”

“Okay, I’ll let Mike know,” He starts furiously typing on his phone and then glances up at me. “Did you bring any other clothes with you?”

What a strange question, “What? No, I just have this,” I motion down to my jeans and sneakers and the BTS sweatshirt I just about live in nowadays.

Richard purses his lips and then nods to himself. “I’ll ask Gina if she has anything you can wear. You can't look like a fan when you sit down there.”

I don’t really understand why what I wear matters but I nod my head, he’s their manager so he knows much more than me in this situation.

“Make sure to wake them up in an hour and have them all do some pushups or something so their brains work again. We can't have sleepy idols on opening night.” And then he’s off, his phone pressed to his ear.

This is the only time I wish I had Minho’s megaphone. Waking the boys up from sleep seems evil when they look so peaceful. I go around and shake Jimin and Namjoon on the shoulders and Jimin groans.

“Five more minutes...” he pleads and I oblige and move to the others.

Smirking to myself I slap Tae’s face lightly to wake him up. “Ya! Stop that!” he grunts out in anger.

“Time to wake up!” I singsong and then move to Hoseok. I decided to tickle him as punishment for sitting on me earlier. He erupts with breathless giggles.

Jungkook is still on the floor where he fell earlier and I shake his arm. “Kookie....” I coo at him, “Time to wake upppp.” He just rolls over and wraps the blanket around him tighter.

Yoongi hate’s being woken up so I go to Jin next. I’ve woken him up from a nap before so when I shake his shoulder and he reaches out and grabs my arm I’m prepared this time. His forehead is wrinkled like he had a bad dream. He opens his eyes in a panic. “It’s time to get up,” I tell him, my voice soft and soothing. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, nodding. I rub his shoulder a little in comfort and then head over to Yoongi. He is lying on his back on one of the couches and I hover over him and reach for his arm tentatively, worried he might try and swing. When I grip his arm to tell him to wake up he surprised me by grabbing me around the waist and pulling me on top of him.

“Five more minutes, jagi,” he whispers into my neck. He’s squished me to his chest and it’s hard to move. It’s hard to want to move he's so warm I could take a nap right here.

“No, no, it’s to wake up superstar.” I try to pull myself up.

He bites at my neck in protest and I yelp. It doesn’t even affect him, he wraps his legs around mine to keep me in place. I sigh, there’s only one thing I can do to get off; I start rocking back and forth. I move my body side to side to try and move my weight enough to tip us over onto the floor. My movements make my hips rub against his and he groans. I panic and go faster to try and speed the whole process up. I don’t want him or the others to think anything about this...

I move my hips side to side and rock us back and forth. Yoongi groans in my ear his breath speeding up when I finally tip us off the couch. I land on my back with a thud and Yoongi falls on top of me.

“—What the fu—"

“Huh—" I breathe out as he lands right on my lungs.

He lifts his head up and glares at me.

“Time to wake up,” I tell him shakily and then push him off of me so I can get up. I really need to start working out if I’m going to have to lift grown men off me on a regular basis. That’s the third one today.

I march back over to Jimin and Namjoon to wake them up but they already are.

“Okay, now that everyone is awake. Richard wants you to do some physical activity before dinner arrives.” I ordered it while I waited to wake them.

“Are you offering to do some physical activity with us?” Tae asks.

I glare at him in response. “Hmm, I don’t know Tae. Why don’t I go ask Richard?” I say in the most condescending voice I can muster. He just crosses his arms and scoffs. I look over to Namjoon and give him a nod. I was just in charge of waking them up, he’s the leader so he can take over from here.

I leave the dressing room when I get a text that stops me in my tracks.

Jase: Hi, I know how weird this message seems, but how are you? I was thinking of you tonight and realized that it’s been so long. I hope you don’t mind me asking.

My heart and stomach drop out of my body and I feel the air rush out of my lungs. Jase texted me. My ex texted me. He texted me out of the blue and I can't breathe. I press my back to the wall next to me and force air into my lungs but it comes out as broken gasps. A tidal wave of memories fall over me and my feeling is visceral. Why? Why did he reach out after all this time? Isn’t he with someone else? Isn’t he supposed to be happy with someone else? I feel my knees give way and I slide down the wall until I hit the floor. I pull my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around myself trying to keep my body from feeling like it's pulling apart.

Breathe. Breathe. I tell myself. In through the nose for six seconds and then out through my mouth for six seconds. Repeat. Repeat until you feel your breathing go back to normal. Those are the words my therapist would say to me. I put my head between my knees and wrap my arms around my head. In for six, out for six. In for six, out for six. I’m fine. I don’t need to let him have this much power over me. He hurt me and he doesn’t deserve to have any of my mental real-estate. My eyes burn with unshed tears but I won't let them fall.

What does he mean, ‘I was thinking of you tonight’? Why was he thinking of me? I wish he would never think of me again if it keeps him from reaching out. I thought I had blocked his number all those months ago, but apparently not. I should have. I should have anticipated that he would pull something like this and mess with my psyche. We haven’t talked in months. What could possibly make him think of me now? Now that I’m back in the states I feel vulnerable —-exposed. Like he can see me through the walls all the way across state lines. He must know what he’s doing to me. He must know how his text would make me feel and he wants me to feel that way. He wants power. The power to know that his words could still affect me.

Part of me wants to reply and tell him off. Tell him that I’m an assistant to the biggest boyband in the world and that I could give two shits about how he’s doing and that I never think of him. It would be a lie, but it would make me feel better. Maybe, or it would make me feel worse. Like I’m the crazy one who could never get over him. Which I guess in a way I am. I’m sure he isn’t reduced to pieces on the floor by just a text from me. But I didn’t wound him the way he did to me. That’s what my therapist called it, a wound. He wounded me with his words and his actions and I have to actively try to keep that wound sealed so it doesn’t scar. It’s too late, I want to tell her, I already feel the wound opening again. It was a scab this whole time, I didn’t heal myself I just let it close up and hope my body would take care of itself. I left myself vulnerable, I left my wound scabbed and not healed. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

I’ve got to get out of here and get to fresh air. I feel like I can't breathe. I wrench my head up from my legs, jolt to my feet, and run. I run through the hallways until I reach an exit and burst through the double doors. The fresh air hits me like a battering ram and I stumble back. I gulp in the cold Chicago wind into my lungs and hold it there. Maybe if I hold it long enough it will cleanse me of all the other breaths I took when I was with him. Maybe my cells will regrow and all the cells I had when I was with him will be gone and my body will be something he couldn’t recognize. I don’t know how long I stand there just breathing in the cold air, could be hours, minutes, seconds, but I do it until I don’t feel like the girl I was all those months ago. I breathe in the fresh air until I feel like myself again. The me who threatens an international popstar with tattling, who tells the most handsome man in the world that she isn’t willing to risk her job for him just because he wants to kiss her in an elevator. I breathe in until I know that looking at the text message will not break me.

There’s a Japanese art practice called Kintsugi where when a vase or a plate is broken they fix it with gold to forge it back together. They take this broken thing and make it whole again, and some people even think it turns out more beautiful than before it was broken. I breathe until I feel like a fixed vase, fused together with gold and stronger and more resilient than I was before.

I’m not going to reply. I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of me answering. He doesn’t need to know that I long to tell him off, to scream and shout in his face. If I reply, I lose. I know that love and relationships aren't winning or losing a match, but sometimes it feels like they are. He hurt me, he’s the one who left me, therefore I cannot give him power again by showing him my proverbial neck and rolling over just to get a scrap of his attention. I’m not a fucking lap dog and I won't let him make me feel like I am. I’m the bull in the china cabinet, not the china.

Before the show starts Gina gives me one of Tae’s extra shirts that has a dark snakeskin pattern with some of the scales glisten while the rest are matte. She shrugs one of Jungkook’s leather jackets on my shoulders and hands me a VIP badge.

“You won't fit into any of the boy's shoes, not even Jimin’s. So you’re just going to have to wear your sneakers. It’s not the most fashionable ensemble I've pulled together but it’s the best I could do on short notice.”

“Thank you, Gina.” I smile at her and her lips turn up and the corners. It’s as much as a smile I’ve ever seen on her.

“Go ask one of the makeup artists to give you dark eyeshadow and lips, it will make up for your lack of good shoes. I have to get back to Jimin.” She walks back over to the racks of clothes and grabs his jacket from the opening song.

When I flash my crew badge to the floor guard and he lets me in and then I show the next one my VIP badge so I can enter the pit area. I head over to Mike and wave and he lets me into the sound and light area. It’s all caged off so no one can get in or out unless one of the barriers is moved. It would be disastrous if anyone but the professionals got a hold of the equipment. I sit down in the extra chair and look around. The pit area is flooding with boys and girls with posters with various pictures and phrases on them declaring their love for the idols.

I pull out my phone and send a group text to the boys.

Me: Break a leg tonight! I’ll be watching from the sound and lighting booth cheering you guys on! And I have a surprise for you back at the hotel when you’re done!

I send seven purple heart emojis too. I don’t know if they will have their phones with them right now but hopefully, one of them does and can at least relay my message to the others.

The opening act comes on and the crowd screams. It’s an up and coming pop star from America. We have a new opening act with us for each leg of the tour. The guy does pretty well, his voice is decent and the girls swoon hook, line, and sinker. I’d call that a success. When the lights go off in the stadium the sound of the screams of the fans is deafening. It's exhilarating.

Lights explode on the stage and the prerecorded words of Namjoon echo throughout, “Welcome to our world tour. We are—” a long dramatic pause and the music swells and the lights move and flash, “BTS!” and the boys pop up from the floor onto the stage. 

The Tour has officially begun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave some comments! They make my entire week, I even have some screenshotted on my computer to keep forever.


	20. The Bus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been going through some ~depression~ lately so pls enjoy this small little snippet

We’ve only been on the road for a couple of hours and the overwhelming smell of boy is giving me a headache.

“Y’all need to bathe more than usual while we’re on the bus together, Christ,” I grumble out.

I thought the boys would be rowdy and noisy on the drive to a new place but mostly they just sleep a lot. Tours can be exhausting and any downtime they have they take it. The days after the concerts they have all this adrenaline and they need to exert it quickly before we leave or else we’re all up all night because they can't stop running around and playing pranks. Boys will be boys I guess.

“Hey Rob, when we get to the next location can we move to the SUV before we get to the hotel this time? Last stop was so insane.”

Rob is one of the security guards on the road with us in the RV. He and Kirby take turns driving and sleeping while on the road and all seven bodyguards take a turn with us in the RV.

“Sure thing, Rose.”

I give Rob a thumbs up in the rearview mirror and then head back to my bunk. We still have a couple of hours before we make it to New York and I really want some alone time before the chaos of The City That Never Sleeps.

There are eight bunks lining the hall of the RV that all of us get to sleep in that have privacy curtains for, obviously privacy, but also to keep out light and some sound. The boys offered me the first pick and I chose the very last one in the back before the door to the second lounge. I was hoping that it would be the quietest since the boys usually congregate in the front area.

“Rose, will you come snuggle with me?” Jungkook asks me for the fifth time this week.

“No, Kookie. The bunks are too small and I get claustrophobic.” This is the lie I tell him every time. When the truth is that I don’t want any of the boys to think of me as anything other than their assistant. I crossed the line, redrew it, and then let it blur and this time I want to be better about how I let it be. I let them get away with too much with me and I need to draw the line somewhere. So I decided on no more cuddling. The others have taken it pretty well but Kookie struggles with it the most since he’s the youngest. I’ve been trying to set boundaries and so far it’s working. Mostly.

When we had one of our stops in Pennsylvania I had to facilitate a hookup for Yoongi and that really sucked. The girl signed the NDA and I booked them a hotel room on a different floor than the one we were on for safety reasons. The look in his eyes when he told me is what killed me. They were blank until he told me what she looked like and where her seat was and then his eyes turned dark and wistful. I’ve had to do NDA’s for all the single boys except Jin. I don’t know why he hasn’t, I'm sure he’s pretty worked up after all these shows. Maybe it’s because he takes long showers...

Once they all had a night with a girl I kind of had an idea of what their type is. And once I knew that then it became almost fun. I’m like their wing woman. I go into the crowd to watch them and then I can look for girls that I think are their type. I can motion to a security guard and he kind of does the girl part of the facilitation and then if the boys want to then I book the rooms. I guess when I say it all together I sound like a pimp... but I promise it’s not like that! The girls get a backstage pass and it’s fun and they can always say no! But let’s be real who would turn down an offer like this? If I didn’t have this job and I was just out there in the crowd I don’t think I could. If an idol wanted me I’d probably feel like the hottest girl in the world.

There’s a tapping on the wall beside my bed, “Do you want something to eat?” Jin asks.

“Yes, please,” I mumble out. “Thank you.”

I always feel so guilty when the boys dote on me. I get paid to do it for them, it’s literally my job. So when they do it for me I just feel like it’s an obligation. They do it for each other because they are practically family and so doing it for me is an afterthought...

“Good because I already made you something.” He opens the curtain a little and hands me a bowl of noodles. Jin makes eye contact with me when he hands me the bowl, but I look away. His attention always makes me nervous, he’s too beautiful for his own good.

Jin turns to head to the back lounge area but I stop him. “You don’t want to go in there. Namjoon and Jimin are there and from the noises, I’ve heard I think they are pretty busy...”

I can see the side of Jin’s skin start to blush and he just grunts his agreement and heads back to the front of the bus.

I sit up to eat my noodles and just when I'm almost done I let some of the sauce drip onto my neck. “Fuck...” I mutter.

Getting up I head to the one bathroom we have and, not even thinking, I pull the door open. I immediately see my mistake.

Yoongi just got out of the shower and is drying himself off with a towel. He isn’t even wearing one around his waist to cover himself. I have a full view of a part of him I’ve never seen before. It’s...big. A lot bigger than I thought it was, and it’s not even hard.

My hand comes up to smack my mouth in surprise and Yoongi looks up at me. At first, he also looks shocked, but when he sees where my eyes are he smirks.

“Do you need something from me?” he asks, and all I can do is stutter in response.

He pulls me into the bathroom and closes the door and leans in close to me.

“See something you like?” he asks, and I force myself to maintain eye contact.

He grabs the hand of mine that covers my mouth and removes it. “Because I see something I like.” And he leans in towards me, closer than before. I can feel the heat of his mouth breathing on the side of my neck. The steamy air and this steamy situation makes my skin burst into flames. Yoongi's mouth nears my throat and a small breathy moan escapes my mouth when his tongue makes contact with my neck. And then he’s licking a trail from the bottom of my neck to the side of my mouth. And just as quickly as he came he moves away.

“Mmm,” he says and smacks his lips, “I love that sauce.” And then he grabs a towel from behind me and heads out into the main cabin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos mean the world to me


	21. The Scare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: ED 
> 
> I'm sorry for the wait! I hope you enjoy it!

I find myself getting used to all the running around and dodging fans while traveling in sleek a black SUV a lot faster than I thought. As the end of the American tour looms in the distance I can't believe how I found myself in this position. It’s true that not all jobs are for every person. I’m not sure if a year ago I would have been able to be away from home this long without feeling homesick or lost but now I find the chaos of moving city to city exhilarating and so much fun. I just wish that seeing my mom once we arrive in California wasn’t weighing on my chest like a giant rock.

We’re on the bus about to round ourselves into a new city and I’m currently making dinner for the bus. We try to switch off who makes food for everyone so it doesn’t always fall on one persons’ shoulders, aka Jin. I’m not fully confident in my skills in preparing Korean cuisine so I opted for chicken stir-fry as it was the one meal I used to make myself constantly while in college.

“Smells good, Noona!” Jungkook pops over from behind my shoulder and grabs a carrot out of the pan.

“Ya!” I try to smack his hand away, If I continue to let him eat out of the pan all the time there will never be enough food for everyone.

“Ah, Ah, Ah,” he pants as the carrot burns his tongue.

I smirk a little, “See this is what you get for stealing,”

It doesn’t phase him at all he just hops away happily.

When dinner is done I dish it up for everyone and start passing out bowls.

“Here you go, Jack,” I say as I hand one of the bodyguards their dinner, “and Mike yours is right here when you guys want to switch.”

I’ve passed out all the other meals when I realize that Jimin isn’t around. I look for Namjoon because they are usually together but he has his phone pressed to his ear in what seems like an important phone call, leader business I’m sure. Turning around, I head to the back lounge and find Jimin huddled up under a ton of blankets.

“Jimin, dinners ready,” I try to pull the blanket back from his face so I can give him the food but he tugs it so I can't.

“I’m not hungry,” he mumbles out and rolls over to face the back of the couch.

I sigh, “Okay I’ll put it in the minifridge in case you want it later.” He’s said that the last couple of nights, otherwise I could think he hated my cooking.

At the fridge, I see last night’s dinner and today’s lunch piled in there.

“Jimin...” I start out slowly, afraid of what I think is happening, “Are you still full from lunch?” I ask, trying to make my voice sound nonchalant.

“Yeah, still super full.”

He’s lying. The proof is right here boxed in Tupperware.

I set his dinner inside the fridge and go back over to him. This time when he tries to pull the blanket back I don’t let him.

“Jimin, I know you didn’t eat lunch. It’s still uneaten in the fridge as well as last night’s dinner. What’s going on? Why aren't you eating?”

He doesn’t say anything and I move the blanket so I can see his face. His eyes are clenched shut like he's in pain, which I'm sure he is if he hasn’t eaten in over twenty-four hours.

“I’m just not hungry,” he tries to tell me but I stop him by opening the blanket and wrapping it around the both of us.

“Tell me what’s going on, babe, please?” I ask but he doesn’t budge. I try another tactic and tickle his side until he laughs and squirms.

When his eyes open they look resigned and I start to worry even more.

“Do you want me to go get Joon?”

“No! Don’t!” he begs, his eyes now look panicked which is even more concerning.

“Are you hiding something from him?” I rub my hand in circles around his back, “From us?”

His eyes start to well up and I encircle him in my arms. Tears pour out of him like a well, he must have been holding them in for a while now.

“Tell me what's hurting you. Tell me what it is so I can fix it.”

That only makes him cry harder, “You can’t fix it only I can fix it and I’m trying, okay? I’m trying.”

I’m starting to feel panic of my own.

“You don’t have to suffer the burden of whatever it is alone. I can bear it with you.”

He pulls back from my embrace wiping his tears from his cheeks and pulls out his phone. The screen unlocks and opens to a Twitter thread. The original post is a picture of Jimin taken at a concert a couple of stops before. The still is from a part in a song where he flashes his abs to the crowd. The tweet reads:

EXOnator: Look at that pudgy little stomach, you call those abs?

From that post, there are other replies agreeing in the same vein as the original comment.

btSBitcHeS94: Jiminsi has really let himself go and it’s letting down the fans.

FakeIdoTearsl9: He used to be so fit, what happened?

Kp0pluvr93: Seems like he’s slacking on his workouts while on tour... such a bummer. I was so excited to see his abs in concert...

And so on and so on...

My heart breaks for this talented and beautiful boy.

“Jimin, these people who commented aren't fans. If they were true fans they would love you no matter what.” I hug him tighter, “You are one of the hardest workers of the group and you are a perfectionist. I know you want to let these comments get you down and decide for you whether you eat or work out or get to enjoy your life but you don’t need to. You are beautiful no matter what your abs look like. And I have it on good authority that they are some of the strongest in kpop right now.”

He chuckles under his breath but still hides his face in his arms.

“These comments just aren't true, and even if they were you can't let other people’s opinion of you dictate your life. I want you to eat when your body feels hungry and not feel guilty for it.” He removes his hands from his eyes and wipes at his tears. “Things won't change overnight, I know that. But I hope that you work a little bit every day to feel better.”

Jimin flings his arms around me, pulling me into a tight embrace. “Please don’t tell Joon or Richard.”

I bite my lip. If things don’t get better I'm going to have to tell someone because of the threat to his health.

“I won't tell them at long as you promise to get better. You work so hard on tour and not eating could have drastic consequences.”

Jimin nods his head into my shoulder. “I promise. I’ll be better. I want to be better for the boys and for you.” He hiccups. “And for the true fans that love us.”

I pull away and smile at him.

“You’re so strong, Jimin. I love you.”

It just comes out. I panic for a second before I see the look on his face.

“Aw, Rose! I love you too.” He hops off the couch and runs out the door to the lounge yelling, “Rose just said she loved me! Rose said she loves me! Rose said she loves me!”

“What!? Noona! You haven’t said you love me!” Jungkook complains and storms over and towers over me with his puppy dog eyes.

“I love all of you boys,” I tell him, but I can't look him in the eyes.

“Oh yeah?” Hoseok asks, coming into the back lounge. “Who do you love more?”

I look up at him and see that the rest of the group is huddling around in the doorway. The sight makes me nervous and I gulp. I make eye contact with Yoongi and then Jin.

“I—I love you all equally,” I say, but my voice wavers.

“No”, Taehyung speaks up, “She totally loves me more. Right, Rose?”

I scoff. “As if I would love you more than the others, Tae.”

His face looks hurt for a split second but then it’s gone and his mask is back in place. I’ve hurt his feelings, something I didn’t think I was even capable of.

“I love BTS, as a whole.”

“We’re more than just the whole of us together,” he growls out and then storms off.

“Tae, I—”

Namjoon grabs his arm before he can go far.

“What Taehyung meant to say is that we love you too, Rose. All of us.” His eyes crinkle as he smiles and then he glares at all of the other members and then they murmur their agreement.

Jin and Yoongi are both trying to make eye contact with me, but I can't meet both of their eyes at once. I try to move back and forth but they notice. Breaking their stare they move to glare at each other.

I try to save it. “I love you all in your own special way. Each of you brings something to the group, not only performatively but also personality-wise. I don’t know how but it just works. This group wouldn’t be the same if all seven of you weren’t in it. I didn’t see it before when I was just a fan, but now that I know all of you and work with you closely I see it. It was there in your videos but I really see it close up. You are all in this group for a reason, don’t let anything get in between you guys.” I’m looking between Yoongi and Jin when I speak this part. “What you have with each other in this group is worth more than the love of one person. I promise you.”

If the boys say anything, I can't hear it. All I can focus on is Yoongi looking from me and Jin. He shrugs and then walks away. I can't lie, it hurts. It feels final, like whatever we had before no matter what he or I wanted or allowed is over. I look back at Jin but his face doesn’t reveal anything. This beautiful man has never looked cruel a day in his life but here right now, in his eyes, I see the ice of winter harden him and it burns like frostbite.

I love them both. And I can't do anything about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments and kudos if you enjoy reading this story! They truly mean the world to me!


	22. The Meet and Greet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe in a few short months I'll have written this fic for a year! It's my first fic and the first thing I've ever written this long continuously without quitting haha. I hope you enjoy!

“The girl in the black leather dress, I want you to set up a meet and greet with her tonight.” Jin points to a location in the crowd.

I feel my whole body tense. He’s gone so much of the tour without having a fan meet-up, why now?

I can't even count the number of times I’ve facilitated them for Tae, he’s such a ladies' man. Hobi’s have been harder to procure because we have to be extra careful of his sexuality getting out as well as his sexual partners. Jungkook has been too nervous to ask me to help him so he always goes through one of the other members of the crew and I have to hear about it from them. Even Yoongi has asked me for his fair share of “meet and greets” and those have been almost unbearable to make. But it gets easier with each one. My only consolation is that they look like me. Yoongi picks girls out of the crowd that he wants to meet, and so far they have all looked like me.

But Jin...he hasn’t asked for a meet-up before. I just thought maybe he was fine with his hand or maybe he felt too awkward to have to ask me. But he could always go through a crew member like Jungkook. I don’t know why he has waited so long, but I think a part of me thought that since this leg of the tour is almost over that I wouldn’t have to do it.

It’s time to face the music, and my heart aches that the girl he wants to see isn’t me.

“Yes, of course. I’ll get her seat number and have security approach her later.” I tell him. I try to swallow but my throat feels like sandpaper.

I turn to walk away but he speaks up again.

“Can you have room service send up some champagne?” he barely looks at me when he speaks.

“Y-yes of course.” I stay put just in case he has any more requests but he turns on his heel and leaves.

Champagne is my favorite drink and I try not to hyper-fixate on that. But when I'm walking back to the dressing room all I can think about is how we drank that on the night we kissed. On the night we had sex. On the night when everything happened and when it all came crashing down.

I remember what it was like to kiss those beautiful full lips of his and how he tasted. When he kissed me he must have noticed how I tasted too. If he kisses her tonight will the taste of champagne on her lips remind him of me?

I can't keep thinking like this! I smack my hand to my forehead a couple of times to try and smack the thoughts out of my brain. We aren't together, I saw to that. Every time I’m hurt I have to remind myself that I did this. I did this to myself and I don’t have anyone to blame but me.

Well, and the rules of Big Hit Entertainment. If there wasn’t a rule against it, then I wouldn’t be in this mess. If the rule didn’t exist—but I can't let myself go down that train of thought.

I smack my forehead a couple more times and then go in search of a crew member who can do my bidding.

“Hey Ronnie,” he’s one of the supervisors who helps keep everything under control on the floor of the venues.

“Rosie, what can I do for you today?” He has the voice of a seasoned smoker, all gravely and low. “One of the boys see a nice young thing they like?”

I internally cringe at his words, but I guess since he's over the age of fifty anyone under twenty-five seems like a “nice young thing”.

“Yeah, Jin would like to meet the girl in floor section B, row 2, seat 14.” I hand him my phone which has a screencap of her from the security footage from earlier.

He gives a low whistle. “She’s a looker. The eldest sure has good taste.”

I tried not to look too closely at what she looks like because the first thing I noticed is that we have different hair colors, and that’s enough to tell me that he isn’t going for girls that look like me and that realization hurt more than I thought it would. It’s painful even when they look like me but more so when they don’t. 

It hurts no matter what, and that makes me mad.

“Will you help me talk to her or what?” I all but growl to Ronnie. I feel guilty when I see his forehead wrinkles pinch but I can't help it.

He clears his throat. “Yeah I’ll talk to her, can you text me the link to the NDA again? I can't find it.”

I grind my teeth. If he looked at his texts that I've sent him before he would probably find it. “Yeah, of course. Thanks, Ronnie.”

None of the other boys have requested a meeting with a fan yet but I hope someone will so I won't be alone on the ride to the hotel tonight with the girl Jin wants to sleep with. Since keeping the boys dating life a secret is one of the most important parts of my job I can't just let anyone handle the wrangling of these girls. I have to go with them to the hotel and escort them all to the respective rooms myself. That way I can keep in control of the situation. If something goes wrong, I want to know that I tried my hardest to keep the girls and the boys safe, but something else got in the way. Not that someone else acted carelessly. That carelessness falls back on me and I’d rather it be my fault one hundred percent than just by default.

It seemed that it was just my luck, that there was no luck, and she was the only girl requested on this stop of the tour.

“Now, remember that since you have signed the NDA you cannot disclose to anyone what happens tonight, especially news sources. If news gets leaked and you are responsible you will be sued.” The girl nods her head reverently. She looks like she’s taking this very seriously. Good. She should.

“You are also not under any contract to do or perform anything you do not want to do. You can leave at any time and we will take you home—”

“Oh,” she places her perfectly manicured hand over her heart, “I was worried that it would be really intense. I’m glad to know that I can leave anytime.” Her face looks much more relaxed than it did before. "When that security guy came up to me before I thought he was lying. He was kinda creepy looking so I wasn't sure." 

Maybe I shouldn't have Ronnie make any more of the requests...

She shakes her hair out of her jacket hood and pulls her black hair all to one side and it accentuates her sharp cheekbones and jaw, her side profile is stunning.

I look over to the window of the car and see my reflection staring back at me. My jaw isn’t sharp and neither are my cheekbones. My face is more round and soft.

“What was your name again?”

I turn back to her, “Rose, I’m their assistant.”

She smiles and her teeth nearly twinkle in the dim light. “I’m Elena, thank you so much for taking care of me tonight,” she reaches over to shake my hand.

My gut instinct is to refuse to shake her hand out of spite, but I know I shouldn’t so I comply. It’s one thing to know you’re hand-delivering someone else to the boy you like but entirely something else when she brings it up to you.

When Elena pulls her hand away she looks me in the eye with curiosity, “What’s he like?”

The question startles me and I cough. “Who? Jin?”

She giggles and the sound is precious, not annoying like I was hoping it would be. I’m sure Jin will love how dainty she is while dressed in black leather.

“Yes,” she giggles some more, “What’s Jin like?” She cocks her head to the side.

I can't look at her while I answer, it’s too hard.

“He’s very kind and funny, but he can also be quite domineering when he wants to be.” I see her stiffen, and I jump to continue so I can reassure her, “But he's always treated women with the utmost respect. You don’t have anything to worry about.”

I can see Elena nod her head out of the corner of my eye.

“Is he your bias?” I know I shouldn’t ask, but I can't help myself.

If the question catches her off guard she doesn’t show it, “Yes, he is,” she replies and I can see a faint hint of blush on her cheeks when we pass by a street light.

That almost makes it worse for me. Sometimes the boys pick girls who have a different bias than the boy that chooses them. But most times the girls don’t care, they either like them all so much that it doesn’t matter or they are just excited to meet someone famous. But Jin is her bias so she really likes him. And for some reason, that feels worse.

We’re almost to the hotel parking garage now. “When we get out of the car we are going to go straight to the elevator and I’ll take you to the hotel room where he will meet you. He’s still on his way back from the venue so you have some time to freshen up if you want before he gets there.”

“Oh good,” she chuckles, “I was worried I might be stinky after jumping around at the concert.”

I almost smile, “I’m sure he’s worried about that himself after all his dancing.” That seems to reassure her.

At the end of the day, they are both just people worried about the same things. Yes, he's an idol but he’s still just a man wanting to meet a girl.

When we’re in the elevator riding up to the floor I can't help but look at Elena. She’s nervous, I can tell. Nerves from meeting her bias idol and from the possibilities of what tonight could bring.

My chest aches with the thought but I have a job to do and part of that job is taking care of the girls too.

“Elena, remember that he asked to meet you. He wants you there and he’s excited to see you.”

She looks over at me and her eyes widen, “Thank you, Rose.”

I nod and we step out of the elevator to the hotel room door. The key card almost slips out of my hand from how sweaty they are.

“When you’re ready to leave feel free to call this number from the hotel phone and I’ll call a car to take you home.” I hand her the number for my hotel room. “Does that sound okay?”

She’s been looking around the hotel room with wide eyes while I’ve been talking but she turns around and nods. “Yes, thank you for everything Rose.”

I nod and turn to leave to head to my room but she throws her arms around my neck in a tight hug. 

I’m stiff for a moment, but then I gently hug her back as to not be rude, but on the inside, I want to cry. And just as quickly as it happened it’s over and she closes the door.

I stare at the closed door for a few seconds unable to move. The hard part is over but somehow it feels like only the beginning of the pain.

Heading back to my room, I wish I could hate her more. She’s too nice to hate. Her hair is shiny, while mine feels like straw from too many showers on the bus. Her eyes are piercing where mine feel like they have a film over them from lack of proper sleep in a week. And where her nails are sharp and painted, mine are brittle and chipped. No wonder he wants to meet her. After weeks of looking at me every day, it must be nice to see a girl who is effortlessly beautiful.

I drop the room key off in Jin’s room before heading to mine and when I look in the mirror before I shower I can't help but look at myself through the lens of his eyes. Skin too pudgy, stretch marks on my stomach and thighs, breasts weighed down by size and gravity. Nothing like the perfect girl in the room waiting for him this very minute. When I'm in the shower I can't tell the difference between the water droplets washing away the day and the tears I know are falling. 

Working for seven perfect men is emotionally and physically draining. I can't help but look at myself and find things lacking while having to come face to face with perfection every day. Maybe I'm not cut out for this job...I don’t have thick enough skin for this industry. If I can't even take my bias being with someone else, then what am I going to do when I inevitably fall in love with all the members and feel like broken glass compared to their ever shining and polished diamonds.

The sting of my shampoo in my eyes reminds me that I've been spacing out in the shower too long. I finish up and head to bed. Tonight sucks, but tomorrow is a new day.

Which could suck even more, the hateful part of my brain reminds me. I thought telling Jin and Yoongi that nothing could happen between us again was enough for me to let it all go. 

That with time it would be easier to see them with other people.

To see their real smiles faced towards someone else and their hands gently brush the hair out of someone else’s eyes but it’s just not.

Each new person they bring into their beds hurts like a stab straight to my femoral artery, and I’m left here bleeding out.

A knock on the door shakes me out of my shame spiral and I quickly wipe my eyes and tighten the towel around my head.

When I open the door I regret not looking through the peephole.

“Hey, can I get the key card for the room?” Jin asks, one hand on the top of the door frame steadying him.

“I already dropped it off in your room.” My voice sounds hollow, washed out like I spent days breathing underwater.

His eyes flicker over me for a moment and I tense remembering what I look like.

“Oh, okay. Thank you.” He says and his left cheek twitches. If I didn’t know him so well I would have thought it was one of his signature winks.

I don’t know what to say. Like telling him “anytime!” would do either of us any good in this moment. Instead, I go for forcing my mouth out of its hard-line and turning the corners up at the ends to resemblance a small smile.

His facial expression tells me it didn’t work.

He nods and then moves back a few steps towards his room without breaking eye contact.

“Don’t go,” I want to tell him. But I don’t. I suck my lips in so I won't say something that I’ll make us both regret. When he reaches his door he gives me a small nod and then steps inside to freshen up and grab the key card.

A huge breath rattles out of my chest and I quickly suck back in a gulp of air so I hold my breath. A trick I learned to keep me from crying, something I picked up when I was with my ex.

“Rose, are you alright?” Hobi asks as he gets to his room. He must have stopped to take some selfies with fans if he’s this late.

I give him a wane smile, “Yeah, just feeling homesick.”

It’s the furthest thing from what I actually feel, but I don’t know what else to say that won't raise a red flag. The truth is that I’m dreading when we arrive in my home state. But I can't let him know that or how I actually feel right now.

Hobi nods his head in acknowledgment but the crease in his brows lets me know that he doesn’t believe me. “We’ll be there soon. Not much longer now.”

He reaches across the hall and engulfs me in a hug, “You’ve been so strong this entire time. Don’t let the road and the time away get to you now.”

It’s the right thing to say, just not the right time.

My chin starts to wobble from trying to hold my tears back. I'm beyond holding my breath to hold it off and I'm moving towards hyperventilation. At this moment I don’t care that he probably thinks I'm weak, I wrap my arms around him and cry.

I cry for the girl I was before I came to Korea and the girl that I am now; hurt and feeling just as broken as she was before she left.

Hoseok pulls me into my room and closes the door.

“Why don’t I stay with you tonight, huh?” he asks, walking me over to the bed. “So you won’t feel so alone tonight.”

His words are meant to be kind but I just cry harder.

Hobi sets me on the bed and pulls the blankets over my shaking form. “It’s going to be okay, Rose.” He tells me and then slips into bed beside me.

“No, it won't,” I tell him in a broken whisper, so he pulls me in tight to his chest.

He rubs my back in soothing circles, “I’m right here, you’re not alone.”

His words help me drift off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments and kudos! They make this bleak world we're living in right now brighter


	23. The Revelation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! Another chapter!
> 
> Would love to know if you guys have any scenes you're interested in reading. I'm always up for ideas and I'm super eager to please you guys haha. Comment below if you have an idea of a scene.

"Namjoon, I need you to pull your arms in front of you and flex them as hard as you can, I don't want your shirt to rip this time from your shoulders," Gina tells him. Namjoon does as she asks and I can hear Jimin snickering from behind him.

We arrived in LA a couple of days early for the concert because the boys have a performance at the VMA's tomorrow and we needed to get another fitting done beforehand.

"Joonie, maybe you just shouldn't work out so much and then your shoulders wouldn't rip all your shirts," Jimin says and I walk over to him so we can giggle about his boyfriend together.

Namjoon's arms are crossed in front of him and he's flexing hard while Gina takes measurements. "Jimin I didn't hear you ever complaining about my strength beforehand. I would think you'd like me to rip all my shirts."

That makes the smaller boys nearly fall out of his chair in laughter.

"No more ripped shirts!" Gina grumbles angrily. "It is too difficult to keep fitting you boys the more you work out, I can't keep up!"

"Aw, c'mon Gina!" Taehyung calls from the couch in the fitting room, "We're getting swoll for the ladies."

Gina's face just pinches further than before, "I don't even want to guess what the means."

I cross over to Gina and flick Tae on the forehead on the way, "It means they are getting bulkier for female attention."

Taehyung lunges for me but Hoseok holds him back while replying, "Not me! I'm working out my arms and abs for male attention."

I blow him a kiss "Aw, Hobi, if only you swung both ways." Ever since the night he stayed with me when I was crying we've grown closer. He makes me feel safe and since he doesn't like women I'm never worried that I could do something stupid and ruin our friendship forever with my succubus feelings. He even helped me call a car for Elena later that night when I was too tired to do it myself.

I try to take a seat on one of the other couches but Yoongi is asleep stretched out on it. Jungkook is getting fitted with another seamstress and Jin isn't anywhere to be found. Normally I'd be worried one of the guys was missing but Richard flew in for their performance so my responsibility for the boys takes a back seat to just my overall assistant duties.

Quietly and gently I lift up Yoongi's legs and sit on the edge of the couch and then put them over my lap. I thought I was being discreet but when I look at his face I see he's popped an eye open to look at me. If I was one of the boys he might have scolded me, but Yoongi's been ignoring me since he found out that Hobi spent the night in my room. I don't know why that bothers him that much since there isn't any worry for a romantic connection, but he's been ignoring me anyway.

I look around the room, Namjoon and Jungkook are switching spots with Tae and Jimin for fittings and then Hobi is practicing dance moves for the performance. I take a chance, I can't stand having both Jin and Yoongi ignore me anymore. Not with the impending meeting with my mom hovering so close in the distance.

I poke him in the side, "Why are you mad at me?"

Yoongi opens both eyes just barely and it looks like a glare. "You should know why." Is all he says and then closes them again.

Air puffs out of my nose angrily. "Well, how am I supposed to know if you don't tell me? I know what I said back in the limo was hard for the both of us." Well, for all three of us actually, but I'm not about to bring up Jin right now. "But that was so long ago I thought we could be friends again by now."

This seems to anger him and he sits up on his elbows in a flash. "You think this is about the limo?" His voice has risen a few octaves and I glance around to make sure we haven't caught the attention of the other members of the crew.

"Quiet down!" I shush him and push his chest so he lays back down. His chest is a little resistant at first but then he complies. "If this isn't about the limo then what is it?"

Yoongi rubs his hands over his eyes like having this conversation is exhausting to him.

"I feel like I've told you time and time again that when something is wrong you can come to me and I'll be there for you. But every time you choose to go to someone else for help. I know that what we talked about in the limo was final but I thought everything that happened before that would at least be proof that I care about you no matter what."

He sits up on the couch and pulls his legs off mine to bring himself into a sitting position instead. "I know that I've always been your second choice but I didn't think that I would be put last out of all the guys as well." He turns away from me to look forward so I can't see his face anyone.

His words crash into me like waves hitting a mountainside and I fall back against the couch. "You're not the second choice. You've never been the second choice because I don't even have a first choice."

He whips his head back to face me, "Don't lie, I know you cried the night Jin slept with that girl. Hobi said he held you all night while you cried."

I suck in a breath in surprise. I didn't know Hobi told them I was crying. Does that mean Jin knows? I shake the thought from my head, that's a problem for another time.

"I was crying about being homesick."

"You're lying again!" He grits out, his teeth gnashing together, "You don't want to see your mom. You told me how glad you were to get away. You were sad because Jin slept with someone else and it wasn't you. You've never cried when I slept with all those other girls, not once."

I try to cut in but he stops me.

"I know because I checked your face every morning afterward and they were dry and clear. If you—"

"It's because they all looked like me!" I whisper yell to him and that shuts him up. I give one last glance over to the others in the room and then turn to face Yoongi more fully.

"I never cried all those times because at least the girls you chose looked like me and I could pretend that you wanted to be with them because you couldn't be with me."

I pull my legs up to my chin and hold myself in a tight ball. "Yeah, I cried when Jin slept with that girl. But that was because she couldn't have been more different from me and that hurt more than you sleeping with people that looked like carbon copies of me."

Yoongi folds himself in half and puts his head in his hands. "You're the one who called all this off. Jin and I were completely fine with sneaking around so you wouldn't get in trouble. So you don't get to decide how we deal with that."

He raises himself out of his crouch to his full height with his back straight and he towers over me in my hunched state. "I deal with it by sleeping with any blonde girl I come across and try not to call out your name when I come." His fists are clenched so tightly the skin goes from pink to white. "Jin deals with it by sleeping with someone so unlike you so that he can try and forget about what it feels like to be with you. We do it just so we can have a break from the torture that is it looking into your eyes every day knowing that we can't have you."

His words shock me. I didn't think that me drawing a line would have affected them so fully. I thought I would be the only one that was hurt because I had the most to lose. 

They are international kpop sensations and I'm just a girl who's running from her problems.

"I don't understand—" I start to say but Richard barges into the room and I push myself away from Yoongi out of fear that people think we're too close together.

"Change of plans. We have to move hotels last minute because our location has been leaked and there is already a mob of fans outside the hotel and it's no longer safe to come and go." He turns to me, "Rose, I need you to call around and find us another hotel to stay at."

Richard's lips curl up in anger, "Hopefully one with tighter-lipped staff." And then he leaves just as quickly as he came.

I pull out my phone to start the hotel hunting process and Yoongi gets up to head over to get fitted.

"Wait—" I call out, not wanting to end the conversation here. Who knows when we will have a moment like this again to talk things out.

He turns around and walks backward, "We've been waiting, Rose. You're the one who slammed the breaks."

The other members give me a weird look as Yoongi steps up to get fitted, but I'm too much of a coward to meet their eyes. Instead, I busy myself with finding us somewhere to sleep for the foreseeable future.

When Yoongi is done with his fitting he doesn't come back to the couch and instead opts to join Jungkook who is sleeping on the floor.

By the time I've finally found a hotel that can accommodate a high-profile client with a large entourage on such short notice, tonight's concert is about to start. Usually, I'd be in the dressing room with the boys or at the sound and lighting booth waiting for the show to start. But I'm still so shocked over the bomb Yoongi dropped on me this afternoon and I just want some space. During a concert is really the only time I can be alone and also not worry about the boys for a couple of hours. I'm hiding out in one of the employee lounges of the stadium we are currently at. It's not much, a table and some chairs and one black leather couch that looks like it's seen better days. Nothing like what the boy's dressing room looks like. But I take comfort in the fact that it gives me some peace and quiet despite the chaos of a BTS concert going on. Silence is something I'm not used to anymore and the lack of sound is almost more deafening than a stadium full of screaming fans.

"What the fuck," I whisper to myself under my breath.

Never in a million years did I think that this job was going to be so hard. Sure, I thought running errands for some important person at an important music company might be a little difficult and at times degrading, but that is nothing compared to how it feels to work for people I'm in love with while knowing that I can't be with them. It's like never being able to take in a full breath. Something is always lacking and I know what to do to fix it but I just...can't.

In order to have what I want the benefit has to outweigh the cost, in this case, the love of a man or the price of getting fired because of it. That is the question at hand and it's not an easy one considering I don't even know whose love I'm hoping for! If I'm to believe Yoongi's words then both boys are hurting because of me, because of the decision I made. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt them, these two beautiful amazing men who bring so much joy into my life.

But if I'm being honest with myself, it's not just the two of them. I've also shared lewd thoughts about Jungkook and Tae.

I cover my face with my hands. God, I feel like such a greedy bitch! Unable to be content with just the attention of one man. Oh no, I have to long for the whole set. But in the end, it doesn't even matter! None of it does because the rules are what they are and I can't have any of them even if I could decide on who I wanted.

And boy do I want them. Keeping all the boys at arm's length has felt next to impossible. Letting Hobi hold me while I cried was supposed to be a one-time thing that I hoped the others wouldn't know about. But now that I've done it it feels hard to push that barrier back up. Plus, I know if Jungkook finds out he will be hurt that I turned him down all those times.

I stand up and start pacing, I can't sit still with all these feelings inside. It feels like I'll explode.

The obvious next step is the question; where do we go from here? Do I keep the status quo and not change anything even though I know that both Jin and Yoongi are hurting? Do I attempt to go back to the way things were and just try to be discrete?

My sneakers squeak on the tile floor as I pace lines across the tiny room. Is the love of a man worth losing my job? My brain tries to tell me that the idols of BTS aren't just any men, they are special and spectacular. But at the end of the day, the question is the same. Is the love of a BTS man worth losing my job?

My heart wants to say yes, but my head knows that I need to say no.

The ringtone for Richard shakes me out of my downward spiral.

"Hello?" My voice is a little breathless from all the pacing I've done. Maybe I should start working out with the boys more...

"Rose, where are you? I need you back here, now." Richard all but growls into the phone.

Shit. "I'll be right there!" I end the call and dash out of the room. I don't even stop to ask where he is, I just take off at a run.

Something must be wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update soon! Pls leave comments and kudos!


	24. The VMAs

“I think you should be good now.” The medic says. He just finished up wrapping Jimin’s ankle with a temporary brace.

Namjoon is consoling him as best he can but Jimin still has tears running down his face. Not from the pain, from the disappointment in himself. He injured himself in the middle of the concert.

Richard tried to pull him from the performances in the middle of the show but Jimin refused and danced through the pain. He still made it but it wasn’t at his usual standard.

“Is he going to be okay to dance for the VMA’s?” Richard asks the medic.

The medic scratches his beard, “If he stays off his foot and continues to ice it then he should have a pretty good chance of feeling up to it. But it’s ultimately up to him how it feels.” He shrugs and then leaves the dressing room.

Namjoon lifts Jimin up onto his back to help him up, but the shorter man complains.

“Joonie, I can walk on it with the brace.” I can tell he's embarrassed and upset that this happened and I think he wishes we would all just pretend that it hasn’t happened.

“Don’t be ridiculous, I’ll be carrying you everywhere until it’s better.” Before Jimin can complain again he hoists him up onto his back and heads for the SUV to take us back to the hotel.

The ride to the hotel is silent. Normally all the boys would be hyped up after a show but everyone is somber feeling the pain of one of their own. They are taking this injury as a whole.

“I’d really like you to rethink your decision—”

“The decision is final, Richard.” Namjoon’s voice is strong and his words have an air of finality to them. “If all seven of us can't perform then we’re not going to.”

All the other members nod in agreement except Jimin.

I’ve been gnawing on my lip ever since we got into the car and I can feel the dead skin flake off and the threat of drawing blood loom. I’m worried that this will trigger Jimin’s disordered eating. I mentally chastise myself for not calling it what it is. An eating disorder. But I guess I’m in as much denial as Jimin.

I’m sitting behind him in the car and I reach my hand up to stroke his hair in comfort but he flinches away. He tries so hard to be perfect that anything less makes him self-destruct.

“I don’t want the group to miss out on this opportunity just because I hurt my foot—" Jimin tries to protest, but Jin cuts him off.

“I agree, we need this performance if we want to be a real contender for a Grammy this year. Not performing could set us back in the forward momentum of our career. Performing without him might be something we need to consider—”

Namjoon is livid, “How can you even say that, Hyung? We have always been one unit, one group. Performing without one of us would be like trying to swim without water.”

The eldest curses under his breath. “I know what it would be like to do it, doing it without him would be considerably hard. I just said it was something to consider.” He crosses his arms over his chest, “But we might not even have to if his foot feels better.”

Richard pipes up, “Let’s prepare for the worst but hope for the best.” And that’s the end of that.

My feelings over Yoongi and Jin seem so trivial now that the group is dealing with an injury that could make or break their American music career. Obviously, they have an American fan base, but for how popular they are and how many albums they sell the American Music Industry doesn’t take them seriously.

This is why the rule is in place. Thinking of the boys in ways that distract me from the job is exactly why they don’t allow it. I have more important things to worry about like Jimin backsliding with his eating disorder and the VMA performance in two days. Even just the anticipation of seeing my mom so soon when we get to my hometown. Who cares what my heart is worried about when I have other people that need my help. I was hired to make their lives easier and if I end up making things harder then I'm useless.

I lean forward towards Jimin, “Just focus on healing, and everything will work out the way it’s supposed to be.”

His posture doesn’t change but I know that he heard me. It’s my job to protect him, I just don’t know if I’m strong enough to protect him from himself.

We’re at the stadium the next day using the stage from the tour last night to work on choreography for the VMAs. Since it’s such a huge performance Minho flew in to get the boys ready. Jimin isn’t practicing with them but he’s nearby with a physical therapist massaging his ankle while he watches the practices.

“Taehyung you need to keep leaving the gap for Jimin in the formation. It’s too late to try to rework everything by closing it. This performance is too important for mistakes!” The megaphone is at full volume and I wish I had remembered to grab earplugs.

Richard was really pushing for just removing Jimin from the formations but Minho was adamant that it was too short notice to try and makes the boys relearn slightly different choreography after they have muscle memory.

Instead of getting the boys water like last time they rehearsed, I’m coordinating with other assistants for the VMAs. There is a lot of etiquettes that I didn’t realize before this job. Certain people come at certain times for the red carpet and since BTS is performing they have to come early in the first round of red carpet goers. I’m just glad this time I have to wear black to the show instead of wearing color like at the Gala. This is an award show so that means assistants and managers need to blend into the background. I won't have to worry about being pulled into the spotlight.

The group is performing Dynamite for the first time and they are pretty nervous. Jungkook’s voice has cracked a few times during rehearsal and he had to stop and do vocal warmups to make sure it was just nerves and not vocal damage. Namjoon is the most nervous but it’s mostly for his boyfriend, he’s worried Jimin won’t get to perform and will miss out on this amazing opportunity. Out of all the boys, Yoongi is the only one who doesn’t seem to be nervous. Mostly he looks bored like he’d rather be back at the hotel sleeping. Which now that I think about it I’m sure he would.

“Fuck!” Richard whispers under his breath, and I glance over at him. He’s rubbing his temples in what seems like frustration but when he turns to look at me I see it’s stress.

“Geoffrey is coming.”

My eyes go wide, “What?”

“He’s on his way now to LA to be here for the VMA performance. He heard about Jimin’s injury and wants to make sure everything goes smoothly.”

I glance over at Jimin and he’s laying down on a mat while the physical therapist rubs his ankle.

I turn back to Richard, “Is he worried about their American career if something goes wrong?”

“He’s worried that the fans will be disappointed that he can't perform and how that will affect their overall approval beyond the current fan base.”

“I would think that the fans knowing that Jimin is injured would cause them to rally around him and show him support.” We haven’t disclosed publicly that he is injured so far since we don’t want to cause panic about future tour dates.

“I thought that too,” he nods, “But Geoffrey doesn’t want to take any risks. BTS is Big Hit Entertainments top idol group and if their status falls so could the stock for the company.”

That’s above my pay grade, I just schedule things that make sure the boys eat. Not worry if the company stalks are going to take a dive.

“I’m sure everything will work out.”

Richard pulls out his phone and calls his personal assistant that works for him while I’m on tour with the boys.

“It’s going to have to.”

\--

The day of the Video Music Awards is one of the most stressful days I’ve worked with BTS thus far. Not only did Jungkook’s pants rip right before we left the hotel, but the heel of my shoe also broke before we were about to get into the limo. But those aren't such big deals, right? Get new pants and new shoes and everything’s fine.

Easy.

Gina always comes prepared and we’re out the door again in no time. Jungkook had to change completely so his suit jacket would match his pants and I’m wearing gold sling-back heels instead of my sensible black kitten heels like before. I offered to rip the other heel of my shoe to make them both, even so, we wouldn’t lose any more time. But Namjoon insisted I change shoes since we already had to go back for Jungkook.

By the time all of this has transpired, we’re late to the red carpet. Not by much, but enough that the boys have to rush through the red carpet interviews.

“Jimin, I heard you had an injury at your last concert performance. Is that true?” An E! News correspondent asked him.

The sound of paparazzi cameras flashed behind the boys and I could see the tension on Jin’s back.

Jimin smiled politely and Namjoon answered for him, “It was a minor injury but he’s fine now. The fans have nothing to worry about.” All the boys held their fists up in the fighting stance to show their support.

And yeah, Jimin’s injury somehow getting out to the media isn’t the worst thing since Jimin is going to perform today. But it makes Richard look bad in front of Geoffrey since it got leaked which puts him on edge. Well, we’re all on edge, but now more so than ever.

I could feel myself sweat in the hot summer heat of California more than ever. Yoongi is still ignoring me and I could tell that Geoffrey noticed. I was hoping he wouldn't read too much into it and just assume that he doesn’t like me and leave it at that.

Tonight needed to go perfectly and I would be devastated if I was somehow the one to ruin it.

When we finally make it to our seats a small breath of relief leaves my chest. My part of tonight is over. I helped the boys navigate the red carpet without anything going wrong, and they are backstage preparing to open the show.

“So Rose,” Geoffrey leans over Richard to speak to me, “How are you liking going on tour for the first time?”

The questions startle me a little bit. The two of us haven’t spoken since he told me about the no dating rule. Which was many months ago.

“It’s been very exciting. I’m learning a lot about the music industry and how things work but also how messy boys can be. I’ve also been sat on many times.”

Richard laughs but Geoffrey doesn’t.

“They sit on your lap?”

“Oh! No, no, no, they sit on top of me to hold me down.”

His eyebrows shoot up.

“No! I mean, they hold me down so I can't get away or stop them from doing something. They use it as a defense tactic.”

“Hmm,” he looks away.

“Geoffrey, this is why I wasn’t so sure about hiring a woman to work with seven grown men. But she handles them very well. They treat her like a sister.”

Richard’s words almost make me flinch.

I wish they treated me like a sister, that would make all of this so much easier.

I let out a weak laugh, “Yeah, they are big brothers who bully me. But don’t worry I bully them right back.” I give Richard and Geoffrey a wink and then turn towards the stage.

I want to bang my head against a wall. 

They shouldn't suspect anything because nothing has happened since we’ve been on tour.

My mind flashes images of Yoongi naked in the bathroom and him licking my neck. But technically that wasn’t anything because nothing really happened!

By the time the rest of the audience fills up I’ve calmed myself down enough to relax my posture. I pull out my personal phone from my clutch bag and scroll through social media, but that’s a mistake.

The minute I open my feed I see a picture of Jase standing outside the building that the VMA’s are at, his sunglasses perched on his head like an evil crown. The caption reads: Here’s looking at you, kid.

He’s here.

In this state, in this town, in this building.

I sit up straight and frantically look around. Where is he?

My brain feels like it's malfunctioning, I can't hear anything. The only sound I hear is the sound of my heart beating in my ears.

He’s here, he’s here, he’s here.

I should have known this would happen. I should have thought that he might try to show up and find me. I should have taken more precautions after he reached out to me.

I scan the crowd for a mop of curly red hair. This place is huge but if he doesn’t work within the industry then there are only so many places he can sit. I scan the fan area and can't find him. Maybe he started working within the music industry? I try to scan the rest of the audience but the area is too big...

The lights blink a couple of times to signal the show is about to start and I feel terror set in. I won't be able to see him if he is near me. I whip around and check behind me before the lights go out. If I find his beady eyes staring back at me I’m going to have to make a run for it. I scan and scan and scan until I can't see anymore with my neck this way and then flip to look from the other side.

“Rose, what are you doing? The boys aren't going to enter from the back.” Richard asks, his voice laced with confusion.

I turn forward just as the lights finish dimming. I look to my right and remember I’m not here alone. I’m with two grown men waiting to watch seven slightly less grown men perform.

I’m not alone.

When the lights turn on and BTS takes the stage, I cannot speak on the unexplainable happiness I feel that bubbles through my chest. When the crowd goes wild, I’m right there with them.

This moment is something BTS has been working towards for a long time and damn if I’m going to let Jase ruin it.

When Jimin takes the center and sings, I watch his foot to see if he’s masking pain but he doesn’t seem to be. And if he is, he doesn’t miss a single beat or note. I turn to watch Richard and Geoffrey’s faces but the latter is looking at me. I smile at him, beaming with pride, and turn back to the performance.

“Light it up like Dynamite,” the boys sing and the VMA’s have begun.

Richard and I get up to head backstage to get the boys changed and ready to be back in the audience and leave Geoffrey to relax and enjoy the show.

“Nothing to worry about, Mr. Woo, it all went swimmingly.” Richard claps the other man on the back and we head out.

Getting to go backstage at the VMA’s is another experience I never thought I would have and flashing my badge at the attendant to get let in makes me feel like some kind of secret agent.

When we spot the boys, they all start running towards us. Whooping and cheering with bright smiles on their faces.

“We did it, Ritchie!” Namjoon shouts as he envelops the older man into a hug.

When the other boys arrive they all join in on the hug.

“I’m very proud of you boys.” Richard says, his voice rough with emotion, “You’ve worked a long time to get to this stage in your career. I hope all the long nights and hours feel worth it.”

I can't help but smile. These boys have worked long and hard for every ounce of success that they have and they deserve every single bit of it.

I didn’t realize I was crying until I feel a tear streak down my cheek.

“Aw, Noona’s crying,” Jungkook says. He turns and scoops me up in a big hug. “Why are you crying! We did well!”

I pat him on the cheek, “I’m crying happy tears.”

Jungkook’s dimples are out in full force and it makes me smile amid my tears.

I turn to the rest of the boys, “I’m proud of all of you.”

This time, it’s Tae who picks me up in a hug. He carries me to the rest of the group.

“Group hug!” He proclaims.

I’m tucked under Tae with Jimin and Namjoon on my right, Hoseok and Jungkook on my left and I’m met face to face with Jin. I can't see Yoongi which means he must be getting an eyeful behind me of my butt in this dress.

All at once they descend upon me and squeeze.

I can feel Jin’s cheek against mine, and it might just be the adrenaline, but I swear I feel his lips brush against my cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! Please leave a comment and kudos if you can.


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